20 Year Old Granddaughter needs car but Grandpa says No

anniehall you are doing a lot for your family- so would I, if I was in your position. I don’t know how old you are , but you can’t take your money with you. The older I get , the more generous I am, but that’s just me .

Unfortunately I think all too often these days, parents and grandparents pay out for too much for the kids, meaning that they fail to grasp the concept that you CAN'T have everything, and that if you want something, you need to work for it. Hence we now have a nation of entitled young people, who think the world owes them a living. Yes, I know it's nice to treat our kids and grandkids, but personally, unless asked for a loan, which if we agree, is set up with a legally binding agreement, and paid off by Standing Order every month, we tend to only pay for things like meals out, drinks, etc. we would pay for other small things, but due to disability can't get out much, so it's not something which arises. Youngsters need to realise that there isn't always going to be someone there to bail them out, so they have to learn to stand on their own two feet.

So, having said all that, it will come as no surprise to the OP, that I totally agree with her DH. Let your granddaughter work, and earn the money to buy her own car. If your DH agrees, you could perhaps offer her an interest free loan, but if you do, write out a contract, noting the full amount lent, and the amount due each month, and get her to sign it, as she would have to do if borrowing from a bank or other institution. She then needs to set up a Standing Order, and tell her that failure to pay, will mean you take her to the small claims court, and MEAN IT! (or at least make it look like you do, so that she takes the whole thing seriously) If you can't do this yourself because you're used to spoiling your grandkids, then get your DH to do it, as he'll likely come across as meaning what he says, whereas she may think you'll be a push over.

If she doesn't want to do this, then she needs to get a job where she can use public transport, as we all did when we were young.

Thanks everyone for your suggestions and opinions. They are much appreciated as always. This is a great site to be able to share and get opinions of others. Thank you. A lot to think about.

I agree with your husband, you’ve done enough, she’s old enough to find her own way of budgeting for a car. She could take on a second job babysitting or something to earn it and would probably appreciate the car when she has earned the money for it herself.

Can’t she get one herself? I wouldn’t buy any of our lot a car, either. Perhaps help with a deposit but I wouldn’t do that,either. As a parent ,maybe, but not a grandparent. Most of our grandchildren work whilst they are at uni and get their own secondhand cars. 🚗

Viceversa is correct and so is your husband! Also if you do it for one GC you should do it for other GC. It is not your responsibility to buy your GD a car, regardless of whether you can afford it or not! listen to your DH, it is nothing to do with whether he is her natural Grandpa or not ! We have six GC and would not dream of buying any of them a car! Even if we could afford it. I know many will disagree but we have done our bit with our own children, it is their turn now to do what they can for our GC.

I do think you have helped more than enough.

Sago

Story time.

Poster has started threads and offered responses on others' threads.
Regardless it's a perfectly credible situation.

Three of my grandchildren turned 18 in the same year and all had passed their driving test at 17. Initial insurance quotes were close to £2000 each with the grandsons having to pay more than granddaughter. They all insured themselves using the black box scheme which saved £500 or so. Would be worth your dgd considering this type of scheme if she does acquire a vehicle.

What has happened to the money you gave your granddaughter for college (which she didn’t use for college. ?).

foxie48 I respect your point of view but I think a responsible parent needs to think carefully and plan before we give our adult children money.

I have seen so many cases where parents always hav money for their children, to get them out of debt, to buy a better house, to paay their utiity bills. The result is cchildren who are feckless and careless of money because they know that whatever kind of financial mss they get into their parents will always bail them out.

The worst case I saw a lady with a very good pension - She had been a head mistress and worked her full career, was left living in poverty in a rundown bungalow because she had constsntly helped her son financially so that he never faced the consequences of foolish and reckless business ventures. Finally she ended up taking out a mortgage on her house with a substantial interest rate, to help pay her son's business debt so that he wasn't made bankrupt.

He continued to live in comfort with his wife and children, she shivered in a drafty uninsulated bungalow, struggling to pay her heating bills and he did nothing to help her.

As she needs a car for work I would offer to lend her the money, that way she will learn how to budget. It does not sound as though her parents will be able to help and she is unlikely to get enough credit to finance a car herself.

Story time.

Correction - of course meant to see a good second hand car.

Suggest to the parents that you feel your granddaughter would benefit greatly if she had a good second hand and so you are willing to go halves with them on it. This doesn't absolve them of all responsibility in this and gives you a chance to help that your OH will probably be more inclined to agree with. As would I.

I agree with your husband , your granddaughter is working ,she needs to learn to stand on her own feet
The price of the car is only the start , tax , insurance and fuel soon add up
Where did the money for college go to ?

Maybe quit supporting your grown daughter. With full knowledge nobody will agree, I'd budget to help my granddaughter over her mum.

I'd place preference to the person who wants to advance at work, needs a car to arrive at work and be promoted.

I have a daughter from a previous marriage and a daughter with my husband. My husband and I discuss every year how much money we want to pass on to our children, it makes no difference that one of my daughters is not "ours" and that she actually needs more help than our daughter, so she gets more and our daughter is perfectly aware of this. Our daughter does not have any children but my daughter does and we give money to them too. Our view is that if we have spare cash we would rather give it away than for our children and grandchildren to have to wait for us to die. I enjoy being generous to those I love and get no pleasure from money sitting in a bank account or invested. As long as I am confident that we have enough money put by for emergencies and our care, should we need it, there's more pleasure to be had by sharing it. That's my POV.

ViceVersa

I might be in the minority here, but I don't see why on earth it's your place to keep supporting her, or to buy her a car. Surely that's entirely up to her - or to her parents? If she wants (or needs) a car, why can't she get a job and save up for one?

I agree

I agree that she should think of another way rather than a car which she can't afford.
The family have been relying on your and your DH generosity but this time it really isn't your problem.
There will be other jobs which don't require a car, surely.
My DS cycles 24 miles a day round trip to get to his work. Not saying your DGD should but it does keep him fit.

If your GD chose to work rather than go to college, why can't she use the money you gave her for college to buy a car?

I might be in the minority here, but I don't see why on earth it's your place to keep supporting her, or to buy her a car. Surely that's entirely up to her - or to her parents? If she wants (or needs) a car, why can't she get a job and save up for one?

Buying the car will only be the start of the expense. Your grand daughter would need to insure it, and even for a girl her age, insurance for a first car for the first year could run into £000s.

What about alternatives? Could she afford the modern equivalent of one of those buzzy little Vespas or an electric bike? You do not say how long her journey to work is.

Ah, others have made the same suggestions.

I can see why you are finding it difficult to know what to do next. I don't know the distances involved with your GDs work but if it is not too far, could she consider a motorbike, a motorised bicycle or even a push bike. They would be much cheaper to buy and run.

I worked in an office for many years and as we only ran one car, I used to bike it into work in all weathers. I am not suggesting this ideal but it might work short term. Using public transport might be an option, though I realise this may not be practical. Another possible option is sharing fuel costs with another employee in return for lifts.

If a car is the only acceptable option then you have difficult choices to make especially if your extremely smart GS needs new, expensive clothes in order to stay smartly dressed.

If she is working can she not save for a cheap (but of course safe and roadworthy) second hand car, or a deposit to buy or lease a better one?