Am I being a crabby old bat .......

My mum, all those years ago, insisted on revision being done at the table where she could keep an eye on us. She’d also ask for a book and do random questions, or vocabulary tests.
We were there for our children, but my only attempt a ‘helicoptering’ was when DD’s coursework involved carrying out a questionnaire she’d had to devise which meant questioning random strangers in the town centre.
I was ordered to “stay in the café and stop hovering”.
Oh and yes, we did drop her off at Uni, because we had a car. I’m sure my parents would have done if they’d been able to.

Georgesgran

It was a bit of sn unhelpful post from GrannylynnJ
I like to think of GN as a place to encourage discussion, not to simple post one-liners like that.

Wot? Like an Oxbridge debating society? Well,sorry if one-liners ain't highbrow enough for you......

I was talking to an elderly lady recently about her time in training as a nurse. I asked how she found night duty. Her response was, 'I never had to do night duty. My mother phoned Matron and that was that'!

Luckygirl, it is challenging but infuriatingly it is also sometimes incredibly useful.

RosieandherMaw

"^Now when I were young^ !" ......
When I was young I’d never have got away with saying “when I were…”

It were a joke!!! ...

"^Now when I were young^ !" ......
When I was young I’d never have got away with saying “when I were…”

dh loves a spreadsheet, there was certainly colour coding involved.

This made me smile - my late OH drew a flow diagram of our wedding day! I should have realised then what I was taking on!

I am in my fifties so we have just recently been through this. Parents were invited to attend exam/ revision technique workshops in order to support their children. Schools do think it uis important as children with parents who are involved perform better in exams.
However I agree there is a balance in regard to over involvement. My son decided himself what techniques suited him best and we didn't 'stay with him' during revision, we would have killed each other I think .
I will admit that dh drafted the revision timetable but this was absolutely to do with his needs rather than my sons needs, dh loves a spreadsheet, there was certainly colour coding involved.

There is something called body doubling which is supposed to be helpful with people who have ADHD (as does my son, but I know he wouldn’t like it at all.) Most people aren’t ADHD, though. www.healthline.com/health/adhd/body-double-adhd#overview

I’m not sure about using another person in that way to make oneself feel better - it feels very one-sided. Something similar occurred in my GD’s class. A child with multiple support needs always remained inside at break times and another child he liked was chosen to stay in with him. The parents of child two were furious when they found he was being deprived of his own outdoor playtime just to keep another child placated!

None of my grandchildren are saints.Without going into too much detail and so risking of outing myself, they have all done very well on their own without parents doing everything for them.
The oldest was bullied at school for being a swat, but she ignored it all and now is working in a very responsible and highly academic job. The rest did very well and all now working n various jobs.When at school at 16 and over they worked at weekends and holidays in cafes and bars.
their parents were too busy working themselves to help them with their studies, and always encouraged them to be independent from an early age.
None of them were accompanied by their parents at university interviews. They were driven by their parents to the university at the very start, because of the distance from home.Dropped off and helped to carry all their luggage into student halls then left there. No one stayed for a few days ''to help them settle in''
This may sound harsh but it did them good.They are all now independent.

We did our share of bellowing about music
When I found myself singing along to Nick Kershaw on the radio the other day I realised just how much of the music coming from upstairs I'd subconsciously absorbed years ago!!

Isn't the term for this helicopter parenting, * Luckygirl*?
We have friends who were like this with their DC and, quite honestly, it didn't help in the long-term.

This is nothing new though - after A Levels in 1965, a dear friend applied to join a local Building Society. His written application was successful and he was invited for an interview. His father went along too.

We did our share of bellowing about music, one son never needed and would have resented help. The other asked now and again and we responded to his requests. Teenagers in the family now do seem to need more direct support in having someone sitting in the same room or close by, they ask for confirmation they are right much more frequently. Ours were in their rooms either getting on with it or not. I don’t see asking for help as a bad thing but do wonder how some teenagers will cope in the world without a parent close by. So no, not crabby lucky, rather a reasonable concern.

SueDonim

My son is a professor and he says there’s been a notable change in students’ abilities since lockdown. They are less capable now of managing themselves and expect him to shepherd them through their course with constant reminders of what to do next. His most repeated phrase to them is ‘I am not your parent.’

Gosh, so it’s even happening at university

Oh God I am cast down Into a pit of despair i shall end it all immediately

Am I being a crabby old bat to think these things? Needless to say the lip is firmly zipped here!

Probably and probably I can be too sometimes, but yes, we have to 🤐

kittylester

You ask what we did as far as our children were concerned - I think I may have bellowed 'Turn that music down, you're meant to be revising' up the stairs.

DD1's two have As and GCSEs this year. She probably does less bellowing up the stairs than I but doesn't get involved to a great extent.

The children are very bright and capable so why would she?

😁

DS would be watching the cricket.
Should never have bought him a small TV for his bedroom.

I remember chatting to a friend who was a teacher at the local comprehensive school many years ago when coursework played a large part in GCSE examinations.
She said "You can always tell which parents have done the coursework for their children!"

The trouble is, parents will not always be at their side, doing their work, their planning and organisation. That is why some are unable to cope when they have to go into the real world.

I couldn't have helped my children, they were much more intelligent than me, DD got 12 O levels and 5 A levels all top grade.
GD1 got help from her mother for revision but only because the school made an error and forgot to cover some of the syllabus.

My grandson, Y7 cycles to school, he also calls on friends to play football, when she was younger, my granddaughter called on friends the same.
My children were of the ‘turn the music down’ parenting by me, my daughter did well, my son didn’t, in hindsight he needed closer supervision.
So I think it depends on the child, parents of budding Einsteins don’t need to bother with any.

I would have liked some parental support dealing with homework and revision during my secondary years.

I have supported my daughter with homework, mostly when she was in Y7. She’s quite organised with it now.

She does go to meet friends by herself but this is only recently as we lived very rurally previously so no way to meet up with friends unless we took her.

SueDonim

My son is a professor and he says there’s been a notable change in students’ abilities since lockdown. They are less capable now of managing themselves and expect him to shepherd them through their course with constant reminders of what to do next. His most repeated phrase to them is ‘I am not your parent.’

A relative of mine taught in a Uni and the pass rate for most exams was just 40%.

Iam64

Children are escorted places largely because roads are so dangerous they can’t play out or call for friends as we did

Maybe primary school kids. We are talking about high school kids.

No I don't think you're being a crabby old bat Luckygirl, I'd have felt the same I'm sure.

Of course they need support and encouragement but excessive hand holding doesn't do them any favours in the long run.

My son is a professor and he says there’s been a notable change in students’ abilities since lockdown. They are less capable now of managing themselves and expect him to shepherd them through their course with constant reminders of what to do next. His most repeated phrase to them is ‘I am not your parent.’