Funeral celebrant was awful

Oh well I'm not the only one that has had a truly terrible celebrant!!!
We spent ages in the kitchen discussing the things that were important for the celebrant to regale. All sorted we thought.
Haa! Come the funeral, he ignored all the important stuff, raced through the special stuff & then preceded to completely kill any funny anecdotes!
By the end of the ceremony I wanted to ruddy bury him.
Choose your celebrant wisely. 🤔

Direct cremation for me, or burn and return as my DH calls it. Then whoever can do whatever they want wherever they want. Cremations inevitably are a production line.

We had a celebrant and a secular ceremony for my non-believing father. It was absolutely fine. We did have a couple of meetings with her beforehand and supplied most of the material. Sis put together a PowerPoint of pictures which was much appreciated by the attendees.

Our family have always chosen to be our own celebrants for family funerals if there was no priest available who knew the deceased. Every funeral I go to which has a professional celebrant only convinces me more and more that this is how we should continue.

The main reason for that is because they are 'professionals', people who do this, if not daily, then several times a week. Those dreadful eulogies by someone who never knew the deceased, either running through the deceased's life as if it was Cv for a job application: born in (year) to (names and occupations) education (schools, O levels, A levels etc) , career, (employer, jobs, dates) or retailing second hand stories about someone they have never met.

Do not get me wrong, I know that these professional celebrants are well trained, compassionate and do have every kind of concern for the living, but it is impossible for them to speak of the deceased the way someone who knows them can.

I was almost reduced to tears of despair at the funeral of a friend a year or so ago. The celebrant, nice though she was could not even begin to comprehend just what made knowing my friend so magical, and I was not alone in feeling that, only someone who knew her could really understand her special magic and even begin to do her justice.

Thanks all for your kind words, support and experiences. I shall be meeting up with the widow soon and no doubt get a feel of how she thought it went before I complain.
It has certainly opened my eyes to firming up my own funeral wants. I belong to a local church and hope mine will be done in house so to speak.

I am not engaged in any religious institution but HowNowBrownCow's horrid experience alerts me to the wisdom of getting a professional to do the job.

Unless you are a regular church goer it's always going to be a stranger trying to piece together your life with snippets supplied by the family.

This is incorrect, anyone - or no one can be the leader/celebrant at a funeral. I have done it twice for members of my family and my sister and I have given the eulogy at several other family funerals.

One service for a non-church going uncle was a series of readings and poetry that illustrated his life and interests, with music le loved to welcome people and at the end. My sister and I worked with the priest, a friend of my fathers for his funeral.

A funeral really can be anything you want it to be.

I remember going to a funeral with a celebrant, who was very loud, his voice rose an octave at the end of every sentence plus he had a lisp. He stood outside the door shaking hands with the mourners as he shook my hand he pulled me forward, obviously to keep the line moving, but I felt as if he was pulling me off my feet. I hope when I go I get someone better.

OP reading your description makes me be thankful I am a practising catholic.I have left instructions for my non practising family about my funeral.A Requiem Mass in the church I attend and volunteered in for years and am known the clergy.
I have attended funerals conducted by a celebrant and have no complaints about them, but I realise those were the good ones.There is, in evidence to your experience, not good ones.

We had a celebrant for my youngest brother in laws funeral as he had a deep aversion to anything religious. She asked us to email everything we would like to have mentioned. She then visited us at home and was warm but very professional. My husband was very emotional as his three younger brothers had died and she was so sympathetic. She suggested a few things he hadn't thought of. She then went away and wrote the eulogy and emailed it to us for our approval. She even helped us with the order of service. On the day she was there to greet us and the whole service went of perfectly. At the end she even gave my husband a bound copy of the eulogy in a lovely folder. We couldn't fault her. She had been recommended by the undertakers.
I went to a service for my friends funeral and the celebrant for that was lovely. She even noticed I had attended on my own and came across afterwards to make sure I was alright. It is always best to go by personal recommendation.
I've attended many services lead by the clergy, and they have been really impersonal with no warmth.
It is such a shame when it doesn't work out as expected as it is the last goodbye and very important to the bereaved.

This is exactly why my husband and I are not having a funeral.
I have attended over 20 in my life and all of them have been awful. Some didn’t even use the name by which the person was known. Others talked about personal memories which had no relevance to anyone outside the family.
If people want to mourn my death they can do it in private.

My DH died during covid lockdown so we were only allowed 20? people at the crematorium. I think in the end there were only 15. Luckily it was streamed so reached many more.

We didn't have a celebrant but a carefully planned service. Our eldest son gave a eulogy which was a beautiful tribute to his beloved dad. His brothers and sister each read a poem as did a DGD and the other DGC had recorded tributes in song or speech. We managed to obtain a copy of the streamed video which I can watch whenever I want. I do sometimes.

It was such a strange time but I think we did the best we could in the awful circumstances. The weather was dreadful too with heavy snow.

There wasn't supposed to be any
gathering afterwards but most of the guests came back to our house where
we had an Indian takeaway and enjoyed being together.

Sad to read of so many celebrants failing. A friend is a celebrant and works hard to give every family thoughtful support appropriate to their individual wishes and circumstances. She once took a funeral with security present in case a particular family member turned up, luckily they didn’t.
I recently heard a poet complain that some celebrants don't bother to ask whether they may use one of their poems
if they had the courtesy to do so the answer would be yes.

The celebrant at a neighbour’s funeral was dreadful, too. He talked about her in an over familiar way, that I’m sure would have made her cringe, and he wore a dreadful, screamingly bright blue suit that didn’t even fit his extra-large person properly.
I dare say there are better ones, but the experience made non religious me vow that I’d prefer a trad C of E service with a vicar any day!

I've recently buried my mum who didn't want a big funeral but just the very small family gathered at her graveside. My brother was worse than useless so all the organising fell to me. I chose a celebrant recommended by the funeral directors and he was excellent. He came to my house -I invited the family and my brother chose not to come 🙄- and took copious notes based on what we said in response to his questions. He then emailed me the format of the service and also the suggested eulogy so that I could check it and change anything. At the funeral itself, he was there at the grave, dressed appropriately and the service was conducted as we had talked about. I was happy with his expertise and compassion.

Naninka

My Mum died on Friday. I eventually posted a pic on Facebook but not till Monday when everyone important had been informed. Yesterday (Tuesday), I received a message from an ex-colleague asking if she could be our celebrant. I wasn't sure whether to be offended or pleased - we have made arrangements already anyway and the funeral is back up where Mum lived before moving to be near me. I think I felt it was a bit cheeky. What do you people think?

perhaps you could just ask her to do a reading a sort of compromise? explain you have it all sorted but a reading would be lovely

The celebrant at my MIL's funeral called her Margaret (her given name) throughout, although we'd asked him not to and had told him that everyone who knew her called her Peggy. On the other hand, the celebrant at another family funeral was excellent.

That sounds awful. I have organised 4 funerals with celebrants and every one have been fantastic. I hope you complain.

4xGranny

This is exactly why my husband and I are not having a funeral.
I have attended over 20 in my life and all of them have been awful. Some didn’t even use the name by which the person was known. Others talked about personal memories which had no relevance to anyone outside the family.
If people want to mourn my death they can do it in private.

Funerals are for the living, not the dead. I am leaving the arrangements to my children to decide. As they themselves say, they too will leave their thoughts until after I have died, because what they may say now that they would like to do, may change completely once I have actually died.

I think forcing grieving relatives to have to accept a funeral they hate or are not comfortable with, just because someone who is dead and not present in any form except as a corpse is selfish.

The priest at my father's funeral kept getting his name wrong. The holy water was in a plastic squeezy bottle lined with algae.

I'm sorry. That sounds a dreadful time. When you feel a bit better, this distressing knowledge may be helpful to your future planning.

My daughter is both a funeral director and a fully trained celebrant.
Yes anyone can call themselves a funeral celebrant but it is not just an ordinary job, it takes a very special and understanding person to take a funeral.
No disrespect to my daughter who is highly respected and in great demand but after much thought like a couple more G.Ns I am going down the route of requiem mass and full burial rites in my own Catholic Church.
The only thing I can’t have is Elvis singing but my daughter is arranging to have my favourite song played at the start of the wake and a drop of whisky to see me off, that will do for me.

We used a celebrant for my uncles funeral, which I had to arrange. He was recommended by the funeral director. As I lived 200 miles away , we spent ages talking on the phone , me recounting memories and stories about my uncle .( who never married ) He then sent me the draft of the eulogy for approval .He also asked that on the day , could he wear an arsenal scalf as my uncle was a big arsenal supporter and so was he . It was such a lovely service, full of gentle humour, happy memories and smiles . Ed , the celebrant, really was so professional, read the situation well and we came away with a smile . Thanks Ed .

MOnica I think you are quite right.

My son used to go to the Catholic social club, where there was a bar, to meet his friends, who were Catholic, though my son wasn't. A regular in the bar was Father Tom, the local priest, my son was very interested in philosophy, and his friends told me he often used to have deep discussions with Father Tom, along with the whisky! His friends asked if we would like to have Father Tom to conduct the funeral, we agreed and they asked him. It was wonderful to have someone who knew my son well, and the difficulty of attending a funeral for my youngest son at the age of 26 was made easier by the kindness of his friends and Father Tom.