How do you spend your Sundays?

It’s a relief to see that those good old ‘some posters’ can recognise the huge differences between being alone all the time and feeling it so much on Sundays, is miles apart from an occasional treat when ‘hubby’ takes himself off for a few hours. Since mr I died, I’ve sometimes felt alone when in a group. Get togethers with loved family or friends can heighten my awareness that he just isn’t here and never will be

I live a good life. I’m blessed with daughters, sisters and good friends. I count my blessings. My heart aches for others here who are isolated. Telling women in their later years to go wild swimming or take up craft - seriously ? Please don’t assume that all those things and more haven’t been tried.

Exactly

Try asking somebody living alongside persistent depression to buck up and join things.

HelterSkelter1

There are 2 points of view here and 2 sets of answers.
One is what to do when you have lost your spouse/partner and have no family close by or at all. The other is what to do when you are alone for a day as partner is working away/playing golf etc. But they will be coming home at some stage. Two different situations especially when the bereavement is recent.
The answers where there is little "empathy or kindness" are looking at it from the not totally alone situation. Better had 2 separate threads been opened. Sympathies to those alone not by choice. But there have been some good suggestions. Although taking up wild swimming in your 50s or evn 60s is probably fine. Not so good in 70s and 80s. Especially in some of our coastal waters.

Thank you HelterSkelter you at least “get it”.
Hearing about cosy lunches with “hubby” or exhortations to join U3A or do “ crafting” (shudder) also pretty irrelevant.
I don’t need to do an online course (I could deliver one) - or start volunteering in fact after 7 years of being a widow I don’t need any advice at all. Empathy is something else however.
Advice however well meant doesn’t change the situation.
Try asking an amputee to “hop along” after losing a leg or say “get a grip”with their one remaining arm.

I wore mine at work. Was fine while I was working. But one day I thought work had finished and the phone rang; I'd taken my 'face' off and I just burst into tears.

Bless you * Maybee*. I have a face that I keep in a jar by the door too. I suspect a few people do.

During Covid lockdown a local centre popular with retirees set up a telephone buddy scheme for members to make new friends to counteract loneliness. A telephone scheme like that wouldn't work for Gransnetters for security reasons but perhaps contact could be made via personal messages, like a pen friend system with usernames? It seems so sad that Gransnetters are spending Sundays totally isolated when others are feeling the same around the country.

Norah

lafergar

Can people summon up some sort of shread of empathy or kindness?

Not everybody can go wild swimming. Some of us struggle to get our head off the pillow in the morning.

I understand. I'm quite sure 'putting on happy' can be difficult sometimes. I'm not so certain why Sunday is different to Monday. However, this is a good thread to make people aware of other's feelings.

I used to call it my Eleanor Rigby face. Complete loneliness is felt physically and well as mentally. I don’t think that anyone that hasn’t experienced it can understand it. I know I didn’t till it happened to me.

lafergar

Can people summon up some sort of shread of empathy or kindness?

Not everybody can go wild swimming. Some of us struggle to get our head off the pillow in the morning.

I understand. I'm quite sure 'putting on happy' can be difficult sometimes. I'm not so certain why Sunday is different to Monday. However, this is a good thread to make people aware of other's feelings.

There are 2 points of view here and 2 sets of answers.
One is what to do when you have lost your spouse/partner and have no family close by or at all. The other is what to do when you are alone for a day as partner is working away/playing golf etc. But they will be coming home at some stage. Two different situations especially when the bereavement is recent.
The answers where there is little "empathy or kindness" are looking at it from the not totally alone situation. Better had 2 separate threads been opened. Sympathies to those alone not by choice. But there have been some good suggestions. Although taking up wild swimming in your 50s or evn 60s is probably fine. Not so good in 70s and 80s. Especially in some of our coastal waters.

Sundays less busy now as it’s just hubby and me. Summer we’re in the garden most of the time. I usually do a nice lunch and enjoy each others company. I ring my brother for a chat too.

Can people summon up some sort of shread of empathy or kindness?

Not everybody can go wild swimming. Some of us struggle to get our head off the pillow in the morning.

I have a daughter who is resolutely single by choice. She is quite happy to spend weeks on her own - as she did during COVID.

Most Sundays she goes wild swimming, or takes herself off to NT properties or other houses and events.

I think it up to us to decide what our days are to be and if one day is difficcult to deal with, to find some solution.

There’s a difference between being on your own but having someone somewhere and being on your own because there is no one. I always craved solitude and happily went places on my own but I felt completely different when I went places on my own and there was no one anywhere that I could have been with had I chosen to be with them.

I have spent lots of Sundays on my own, DH was working and travelling overseas until he was in his late 70s. My children live over 100 miles away.

I loved any time on my own. I have hobbies and interests to occupy me, I would go out to local events, I can manage things like that on my own, or I can give all my time to doing just one task, without having to stop for meals or conversation. I can workuntil the small hours and then sleep until lunchtime.

The only difference between Sunday and week days, is that I am unlikely to speak to anyone other than the lady in the newsagent, and actually I quite enjoy it.

So, are you on your own? How do you fill your Sundays? I would love to know if you consider them to be enjoyable, or are you like me and think they are just to be endured?

I'm happily married, however I spend many days totally alone as my husband's work is impacted by the seasons and weather. Good weather? Work. Rains? He can only accomplish office indoor work.

Sunday we attend early Church and then I'm on my own. I garden, perhaps wash floors, perhaps clean interior windows, batch cook, walk our dogs, generally treat Sunday as any other day apart from Church.

RosieandherMaw I agree with most of what you say. My husband died in 2008 and I live in a smallish village so going somewhere involves driving at least ten miles. We have two churches, one CofE and one non-conformist, but I'm not a believer. However, the corner shop is open on Sundays so a short walk there usually finds someone to have a quick chat with.

Having nobody to do nothing with surely shouts in that case do something by yourself! It doesn't have to involve anyone else. There are loads of fulfilling, creative hobbies with online tutorials if you haven't been brought up with creativity. (My mother sewed and knitted non-stop when we were children.) Having a dog is definitely companionable. My dog, Charlie, died last December but he wasn't allowed in my sewing room for fear of dropped pins. So I go in there and the time flies by.

I know that the best thing I should do on Sundays is tackle my junk room! I'll find any number of things to do to procrastinate over that! It's calling to me now but it's Thursday...

Maybe the past resonates too loudly for some of us.
Now it is a day, just another day.
I remember a different time, a different rhythm.

Sundays usually involve catching up on housework and correspondence, which I haven't had time to do during the week. In some respects it's my busiest day, but I long for a more leisurely paced Sunday, with time to cook a nice, big meal and a long walk, which I don't have to rush back from. I wish there was more time on Sundays to devote to my hobbies too.
If walking on your own and seeing lots of family groups makes you feel sad, Keepingquiet, have you thought about taking a walk at a different time, such as early morning or late afternoon/early evening? I find that cycling and dog walking are good things to do on my own. I also like to people watch in cafes, with a good book for company.

I think the problem here is the title of the thread. "How do you spend your Sundays".

Adding "when you are on your own" probably would have brought forward different answers. Some of the answers have been completely valid, but could be thought insensitive although they are answering the question.

Lots of good replues though.

When my first husband died i was in my late 40s. Every weekend friends invited me to spend time with them and their husbands/children but sadly this just made me feel worse. Sitting at a table on a Sunday lunchtime with someone else's family while mine were gone was heartbreaking so I started declining invitations.
That's when I began to appreciate Sundays on my own listening to music, gardening, reading, walking.
It was odd at first but I soon adapted

Isn’t that the whole point?
On one’s own after perhaps a lifetime with a husband, children, Sunday lunch at mum’s, “family” activities - to be on one’s own with nobody to do nothing with is frankly hard.
I do not begrudge anybody their husband, their AC who may or may not drop in, even their active participation in church - but if you are not a believer, what then?
It’s like telling somebody who doesn’t like or watch a sport to go to the football!
I do wish posters would just sometimes try to put themselves in other people’s shoes.
Telling them to “get on with it, nobody needs to be lonely” is insensitive and unkind. Saying how busy and fulfilled your Sundays are with your husband likewise.

Milliedog - very good for yiu but, many posts here are from those of us whose husbands have died.

I lov Sundays. We go to a brilliant independent church with a large and fairly young congregation with a number of children. I'm on a rota for welcoming people as they arrive and another rota for taking a session of children's church (children aged 5 - 11). My husband also plays a big part in church as he's very musical and for 12 years was one of the leaders. Until Long Covid hit me, we often invited people around for lunch or a cup of tea during the afternoon. Doing this sort of thing is something we are told to do in the New Testament, and although I can't do as much as I did, I love what I can do. So Sundays, for me, are special!

I think it was good to raise it OP.
I used to dread them but now I don’t. And I don’t know why. Less a loss of that feeling of not being wanted I suppose which is hard to shake off when you first lose your family. Nowadays I have this feeling of not being able to catch up with so many things that I’m relieved it’s Sunday and no demands from outside will be made of me. Except my own and my fantastic dog of course. We always come first. I try and do something that’s been bugging me.. paint bit of floor, update website, tidy the garden, water the buggers. Trim the ivy … oh no… must be time to take the dog out.. and you never know what that will entail.
I love being sociable, as long as there are no commitments which means meeting people by chance is so good. The rest of the week I am always slightly anxious about being late, often having to leave something really interesting. Mind you I think i self sabotage. So Sundays I see as free.
When I was young and newly married in London there was this requirement to visit my parents every Sunday for lunch. Right across London. I really resented it and it was possibly why I moved far away. I really loved them and they’d visit for weeks on end but I loved my little bits of freedom more. Sometimes it means the freedom to be a miserable git. But on the whole because I am a natural ‘sharer’ it’s the one time I can keep myself to myself. And no one knows.. ( except you lot now, ) dogs are really good at keeping their mouths shut.
And before I leave dogs, can I just say you can feel as low as low before taking dog out to the woods, commune with those old trees watch canine joy and you come back a different person. So ok, yes, let’s go with Sunday freedom!