Stay at Home Mums

Anniebach

If one’s child is unhappy is one happy ?

You could equally argue that an unhappy parent could well end up taking it out on their child.

If one’s child is unhappy is one happy ?

Anniebach

Surely a choice made is what’s best for my child not what’s best for me

No, the choice is what is best for both of you. Happy parents are needed for happy children

Luckygirl3

Yes - when I was back at work part time my DDs had a Daddy Day - his day off when he looked after them. I did not enquire too closely as to what went on, but suspect chocolate was involved!

Chocolate would have been the least of my worries! It came to light much later that climbing trees (!) exploring local woods and crossing streams were involved, to name just three!
Still, they survived, thankfully!

Allira

ViceVersa

Allira

How sad that nurturing children through the first essential years of life is considered unfulfilling.

How sad that some people just can't accept that what may be fulfilling for one person might not be for another.

It's the remarks about mothers who stay at home which are unpleasant and need counteracting.

I haven't made any disparaging remarks about stay-at-home mums. On the contrary, I said I take my hat off to them, because I know how hard a job it is. If you want to stay at home with your children and find that fulfilling, that's great - and I truly mean that. But is it so hard to comprehend that not everyone may feel the same? The main thing, in 2025, is that at least most women do now have that choice - and that's something we should all be celebrating.

Also, I will reiterate that I was a full-time mother until the youngest started school, apart from that one evening a week. It was a very special, happy and, yes, fulfilling time. My children have always been the most important people in my lives apart from my husband. However, l, in common with many here it seems, did more paid work when all the children were at school. As children grow older, their needs and interests become more expensive. My own children were musical and instruments and lessons are not cheap. Then there were cubs/brownies and scouts/guides and their accompanying activities. School itself has its own expenses - uniform and shoes. I always made sure my children had Clarks or Startrite shoes. In addition to this there are school trips. Without my part-time income, this would have been almost impossible and I expect many others would say the same.

Anniebach, l was speaking of myself and my own point of view - all that any of us here are able to do - and certainly did not intend to upset you or anyone else. We are all so very different and what works for one person is not the best thing for someone else. The one thing that shines through this thread is the love each of us has for our children, however we brought them up.

Part of The first reply to OP-

f she is going to stay at home I can understand the need for the child to be in nursery for a couple of days, looking after a little one is mind numbing and the child would benefit mixing with other children.

Allira

ViceVersa

Allira

How sad that nurturing children through the first essential years of life is considered unfulfilling.

How sad that some people just can't accept that what may be fulfilling for one person might not be for another.

It's the remarks about mothers who stay at home which are unpleasant and need counteracting.

It’s both that are unpleasant to those who made a different choice. For example, the remark you made about it being sad that nurturing children is not valued by those who choose to work - do you think that mothers who also choose to work don’t nurture their children too because they don’t do it full time? That is deeply offensive to the ‘other side’ too,
Honestly, there will never be a meeting of minds over this issue

My late ex-husband once had to take over the role of full-time "housewife" for 3 weeks.

He came to the conclusion that to manage the home and children efficiently and diligently required executive skills and the stamina of a brick-layer - with the capacity to make continuous mental-notes.

... and upgraded my role as housewife to "Home-Executive".

Musicgirl ‘just a housewife’ is unkind and unjust when speaking of a woman who stays at home,

@Anniebach, if you reread my comments, you will see that I was a stay-at-home Mum throughout my children's preschool years. In my first post, I said that I was fortunate because my parents looked after my children one day a week after school hours to enable me to keep my hand in with a little music teaching. This was beneficial to everyone as my children developed a lovely relationship with my grandparents that has continued with my mother to this day - sadly my father died in 2018 but they were equally close to him. In my second post, l said that l was able to arrange my work around them as they grew older. I also said that I did a lot of work in their schools - much of which was voluntary but some paid. Music is in demand. By "just a housewife" l meant after my children started school. I have great respect for women who find fulfillment in the home for the rest of their lives. I could not have been one of them. I needed more and by that l mean I needed to use my God-given talents as a musician. On a final note, my husband was made redundant for a period of time. Thankfully, he found better work until the end of his career but if I had not been working part-time myself at this point, we would have lost the house. We are all different.

ViceVersa

Allira

How sad that nurturing children through the first essential years of life is considered unfulfilling.

How sad that some people just can't accept that what may be fulfilling for one person might not be for another.

It's the remarks about mothers who stay at home which are unpleasant and need counteracting.

ViceVersa

Allira

How sad that nurturing children through the first essential years of life is considered unfulfilling.

How sad that some people just can't accept that what may be fulfilling for one person might not be for another.

I'm sorry you feel that nurturing pre-school children is unfulfilling.

But nurturing children in the pre-school years is fulfilling and essential for not just their futures but for society.

Obviously not everyone feels like that and so they are not the best people to do that, therefore the emergence and growth of nurseries in the years since my DC were small is a good thing so that children can get the stimulation they need rather than be at home with a resentful (not my choice of word) mother.

Parents have to do what they think is best for them and their children.

I was glad to go back to college then work when my youngest started school, but I enjoyed those years at home with them. After they were all at school, no, I needed to go back to work, for the salary and for the stimulation.

Allira

How sad that nurturing children through the first essential years of life is considered unfulfilling.

How sad that some people just can't accept that what may be fulfilling for one person might not be for another.

Quote Allira Sat 07-Jun-25 10:42:56
How sad that nurturing children through the first essential years of life is considered unfulfilling.

I never expected to read on GransNet- a woman who chooses not to go out to work when her children are small is
just a housewife

flappergirl

The problem is that if you have a career (as opposed to "just" a job), taking several years out to bring up children sets you back immeasurably. I'm afraid most things are still unfairly weighted against women and, to be fair, the world cannot stop because you've had a baby. I think this is what the Mumsnet posters were trying to emphasise as much as anything.

True.

Perhaps we could genetically engineer men to give birth in the future.

The problem is that if you have a career (as opposed to "just" a job), taking several years out to bring up children sets you back immeasurably. I'm afraid most things are still unfairly weighted against women and, to be fair, the world cannot stop because you've had a baby. I think this is what the Mumsnet posters were trying to emphasise as much as anything.

How sad that nurturing children through the first essential years of life is considered unfulfilling.

Anniebach

More than a housewife !

Yes, I was a person who happened to be a wife and mother, not someone married to a house 😁

More than a housewife !

@Casdon, l couldn't agree with you more. I loved being at home with my children when they were little but am also glad that l was in a position to continue giving music lessons, albeit in a very limited way, before they started school. As they grew older, I was able to have more pupils but I was still able to juggle my career around my children. I realise I was very fortunate. However, the money l earned was necessary and I also believe it was good for my children to see that a mother was more than a housewife. I needed to use my musical gifts and would have found the life of a housewife very limiting as they became older. I was there for everything they needed and helped a lot with their schools, too. Musicians are always needed in schools and church - l have always been very involved there, too. I think l am trying to say that if I were not able to use my brain and music, I would have been very unfulfilled and it would not have been fair on or good for my family.

Casdon

I think one can much more easily now, but in the past a lot of women who would doubtless have been happier working had no choice other than to stay at home looking after their children full time. You only have to read what posters say on here about their mothers to know that’s the case.

My mother worked part-time for as long as I can remember.
It worked for us.

Anniebach

One can choose what’s best for one’s child without resentment surely

I don't understand why anyone would have a child then resent that child for needing their care
We have young women in the family who have chosen not to have children because their careers and their freedom are important to them.

I can only speak for myself and knowing my Mother and my
daughter made the same choice