Stay at Home Mums

Glad I was never on mumsnet. Seeking approval for a personal decision or preference from what sounds like a bamd of MeanGirls. GN seems a much gentler and thoughtful place!

I find it very sad that, as an earlier poster says, a parent finds their children 'mind numbing'.

Luckygirl3

*I do remember thinking how crazy it was, when our children were toddlers, that intelligent women were reduced to singing inane action songs about wiggly worms at playgroup.*

I would quibble the word reduced!

Singing with little children is a joy and a fascinating stage in their brain development.

Yes, what a strange way to look at it!

This is what intelligent mothers do.

I do remember thinking how crazy it was, when our children were toddlers, that intelligent women were reduced to singing inane action songs about wiggly worms at playgroup.

I would quibble the word reduced!

Singing with little children is a joy and a fascinating stage in their brain development.

I suppose the best of all worlds is to work part-time, especially if a couple can juggle hours to cover sickness, school holidays etc.
I do remember thinking how crazy it was, when our children were toddlers, that intelligent women were reduced to singing inane action songs about wiggly worms at playgroup.

It would be good if putting children in nursery was for their benefit, rather than just because both parents are at work, but most families need two incomes to manage these days.

I suppose it is a financial choice for lots of people, either way. Asking for opinions because you have a choice is already a privilege

Lots of men are awful Fathers so I suppose posting on a mainly female site will get women posting a cautious view as they may have had poor fathers or poor male partners

Obviously not all men blah blah

SAHM is a financial choice in many instances.

Perhaps the OP just wants to take on a wide range of views?

It is sad so many are critical of her choice.

I've never worked outside my home, stayed home with our 4 daughters. We wanted one of us driving the long distance to school and activities. Our children never numbed my mind, I find them fascinating.

I returned to work part time when my DS was 4months old as we needed two salaries. I was lucky that even p/t I earned a good salary . When my dd was born we moved out of London and I stayed at home until she was 3 . And then returned to worked p/t . For me p/t was ideal . I got to be working mum and stay at home mum. Working p/t meant that my DH had to do his share of childcare , school and household stuff. I don’t remember my father ever cooking a meal for us or ironing our school uniforms.
My DC have said that we were good role model for them whilst they were growing up.
I haven’t read that post on mn but it’s sad that other women are critical of her choice .

DH and I took it in turns more through circumstances than choice. I was a SAHM mum from 1974-86. DH was SAHF from 1982-1995....by which time DD and DS were both away at university. DH then got a part time post whilst I continued in full time work. The arrangement worked for us but was not planned. Sadly it would not be an option for most families these days when so many struggle with the cost of living on 2 full time incomes......

Nor mine. The one thing I used to do was refer to adults as "grown ups", villains as "baddies", falls as "tumbles" etc when I was in adult company.

I was a SAHM and certainly didn’t find it mind-numbing. I am well educated - I have two degrees - but I really loved it, and found it stimulating. I think many jobs are far more mind-numbing than caring for one’s children. It seems to me that it’s just as important to be there for them when they are adolescent as when they are small. When I was at school, I very much valued the fact that my mother was there to talk to when I came home, so I was determined to do the same for my children.

My mind isn’t numbed that easily!

Not neccessarily lonely though, as many mums of small children work part-time & have some days off.
So there will be mums at home with their children that she can socilialise with.

When mine were young I taught evening classes to adults. Like FGT I left the house when DH came home and enjoyed my child free evenings.

Once they were older I worked days as well.

Back in those days lots of mums and it was mums not dads were SAHM so we had coffee mornings, playgroups, NHR and evening classes to keep up our brains and our friendships.

We even had our regular Wednesdays when 2 mums would look after up to 10 babies and toddlers for a couple of hours to give the other 6 mums time get their hair or teeth done or visit the library etc
I am still in touch with a couple of these women from 50 years ago!

Nowadays I don't believe there are networks like ours so it will be lonely for SAHM.

"I will confess that I was another like Elowen33, who despite not regretting a day I spent at home with my children, did often find it mind-numbing. I used to describe it as going round with the mental blinds half down. This despite being involved in lots of community activities"

Never for a moment did I find it mind numbing - watching a small mind and personality develop was something fascinating to me - and finding ways to foster that used the little grey cells to the full.

I was a SAHM until our daughter went to uni and then did part time temping jobs. My mum was unavailable for childcare as she worked and my mother in law died not long after we married. I was around for school help outs and ferrying several children to various things etc. As well as that I was also around for my very elderly father in law for doctors and hospital visits etc.

Elowen33 why should the child be in nursery 2 or 3 days if she's at home?

Lots of other ways to socialise!

FriedGreenTomatoes2

I stayed home with our two until Himself arrived home from work around 5pm. I then took the car keys from him and worked audio typing out patient clinics at our local hospital until 9:30pm. 4 hours each evening Monday to Friday. He did bath times & bed times. I can’t remember what I did for food. I must have eaten with the children before I left. We were like a tag team. It worked for us. No regrets.

Exactly it should be what works for each family 👍🏻

Womens liberation is to me about choice. What suits one might not suit another. But this pile in on the poster as of spending 5 years with your children is a horrific idea really worries me.
Totally agree Lucky Girl. If there's massive peer pressure to go back to work (95% from posters who can't afford to SAH) then that negates the choice that's at the heart of liberation.

Imarocker

The point is that no mater how nice her partner is being now about her being a SAHM, she will not have her own money and if they separate she will be in trouble. These days, sadly, every woman needs to have an escape fund. It’s standard advice to young women.

But if everything did end badly, she could use her giving up her job to look afterthe children would be considered in the fiancial settlement.

But, as I said up above, why is having a great successfuk career and hods of money seen as the only measure of success and happiness in life. If the marriage breaks up and she goes back and earns less than the very susbstantial amount she is earning now, providing it is sufficient for a reasonable level of living, so what. She may well consider the reduction in her career success a price worth paying for being home when her children were small.

Imarocker

The point is that no mater how nice her partner is being now about her being a SAHM, she will not have her own money and if they separate she will be in trouble. These days, sadly, every woman needs to have an escape fund. It’s standard advice to young women.

Do they not have a joint bank account and both names on the mortgage or deeds?

DH has never considered it his money even though I was a SAHM for a few years.

I stayed home with our two until Himself arrived home from work around 5pm. I then took the car keys from him and worked audio typing out patient clinics at our local hospital until 9:30pm. 4 hours each evening Monday to Friday. He did bath times & bed times. I can’t remember what I did for food. I must have eaten with the children before I left. We were like a tag team. It worked for us. No regrets.

That's a shame they aren't supporting her with her choice. I stayed at home with my children and I was happy and fulfilled until they were in school and then went back to work. Seems perfectly natural to me.

The point is that no mater how nice her partner is being now about her being a SAHM, she will not have her own money and if they separate she will be in trouble. These days, sadly, every woman needs to have an escape fund. It’s standard advice to young women.

I was fortunate enough to stay at home for four years and returned to work only because we needed the money. I always planned to return to work, and my mother, a frustrated career woman, would have happily dealt with the child care from the beginning but I wanted to be with my children. I loved being with them and would have stayed at home longer if I could.
It is all down to choice, and I think if this woman can afford it, and she wants to, she should stay at home. But for women who can't it is difficult to resurrect a career, or even a job, if you have too much time out. I feel very sorry for young mothers forced back to work because two moderate salaries are essential for paying a mortgage and running a home today.

DH and I juggled my family home was abroad, we have had one fabulous Nanny and a disastrous au pair.

Children were in nursery from age 3.

We have had babies in baskets under the desk’s, playpen in corner of makeshift office during renovations.

Choice is key, we were fortunate, many others haven’t got a choice.

I do not judge SAHM’s or those who return to work, their life, their choices.