Funerals - each one is different now

Re Direct Cremations.

I’ve posted before on this subject, so apologies if I am repeating myself.

If a DC is what others want, up to them entirely.

Personally, after over 50 years of marriage, I would feel I was letting my DH down if I didn’t attend his funeral/cremation.

The thought of him going alone on his final journey would upset me. (And of course, I realise he wouldn’t know anyway).

It wouldn’t need to be a huge, bangs and whistles event, but I would want to be there for a final goodbye.

And I am sure DH would feel the same about me.

baggs

Slightly different topic, but reading these posts made me think about cremation and the ashes.
I can understand visiting a grave and perhaps leaving flowers,,but I cannot understand why anyone would want a container at home holding the ashes of a loved one.

And an afterthought is that there is no way of being absolutely sure that the ashes are who they say they are. I guess there must be quite a number of mistaken remains in the wrong place.

Same here and has been for a few years now, even before Covid.

When my son in law died at 36 from a brain tumour my grandson, aged 6, chose We will Rock You by Queen as the music for carrying him out of church to the car for the crematorium. Even the vicar didn't say much in the way of religious rhetoric, knowing full well that SIL would not have wanted. All the rest of the music was what meant something to my daughter and her husband. Everybody wore Christmas jumpers or fancy dress at SIL's request.

dalrymple23

I have been pondering this latterly (getting ancient!). There isn't anyone around to come to my funeral - either deceased or have run from this country! Just to be awkward, I do not want to be cremated just planted somewhere (with my previous dogs ashes). I am religious inside but not overtly, if you get my drift. I don't quite know how to engineer this. Any ideas?

I assume you have a will and an executor, perhaps you could make your wishes known to them?

We had a DIY funeral for DH. I spoke for a few minutes about his early life and our 50+ years together. His best man read a passage from the memoir DH had written about his National Service, AC and friends also spoke about their memories. Our DiL, a professional musician, played the small pipes. My sister, who is a Christian, led some prayers for those who wished to pray.The cardboard coffin was covered with pictures of his lifelong sport/hobby. Then we had a champagne tea. It felt like a good send-off. We none of us went to the cremation, We'd committed him to memory, and his remains were just that - remains.

Grr

*bite

If anyone suggests it was to save money I'll bit their head off.

Also - and this is very important - he needed to do it that way. He has to survive in the best way he can and bring up their children without her. He did his absolute best. It took far more effort, far more planning, far more co-ordinating than letting funeral company arrange some ritual by rote.

Iam64

theworriedwell

Baggs

Elephants mourn their dead. Are they being spiritual?

Maybe.

Elephants recognise the need to mark the death of a loved one. Wise animals who know the benefits of ritual

Needing to mark the death of a loved one is not the same as needing a ritual. A death can be marked in many different ways by and for the people who remain.

I think this is why people are using words like celebration or remembrance instead of funeral.

There was no funeral as such for my DD but the Day of Remembrance her partner arranged served the same purpose. And, in my view, was better.

I think I too would want a nice, small service.

Mt61

My friend has just signed up to a plan, where they take the body & cremate the body, no service. Not really sure now what I think of that.

Direct cremations, as many have mentioned. Becoming more and more popular, as they're much cheaper than conventional cremations or burials. I think it's a great idea, but as I said above, I'd like my family to hold a celebration of my life afterwards, full of my favourite music.

My friend has just signed up to a plan, where they take the body & cremate the body, no service. Not really sure now what I think of that.

All different. My dad had a piper playing ‘Flowers of the Forest’- really beautiful send off.

ginny

I’ve been to two funerals this year. Neither was religious but There eas a time ( with music) for people to use for their own thoughts and prayers . Both were a lovely celebration of the deceased lives.
My brother who died last Christmas no, opted for a direct cremation. No service at all. I respect his wishes but it has left me feeling as if things are not finished. I don’t know how else to describe it.
I feel fine metals are really for those left behind so my nearest and dearest have been instructed to do whatever feels right to them. I won’t be there to complain.

I know what you mean about feeling “as if things are not finished”.
Two musical colleagues died last year without funerals or any marking of their passing. If funerals are for those left behind, we felt bemused, but respected their choice of course.

I have been pondering this latterly (getting ancient!). There isn't anyone around to come to my funeral - either deceased or have run from this country! Just to be awkward, I do not want to be cremated just planted somewhere (with my previous dogs ashes). I am religious inside but not overtly, if you get my drift. I don't quite know how to engineer this. Any ideas?

Woodland burials are quite ‘trending’ now in the UK.

The worst funeral I've been to, was at the crem, with a celebrant supplied by the Humanist society (as requested by atheist deceased). The HS -trained celebrant visited the family to get some details about the person she'd never met, ahead of the funeral. She took notes.

When we arrived at the crem , the HS celebrants husband was standing with her, welcoming the attenders while she explained he was there "for support" !!!!!!!!!!!! as this was her first funeral and she was very nervous. I sincerely hope it was her last. The mess she made of it was appalling.

First she got the name of the dead person wrong. Everything she said, was clearly details from the life of some total stranger. Some one who loved driving a little red car ( spurious tributes to the car, jokes about it, including its nickname, personality etc) and the errors went on and on, excruciating.

At the end of it, gushing Celebrant issued a warm welcome to all attending, to the funeral meal at home address (the only thing she got right) , and "looked forward to seeing you all there to hear your memories of Departed."

We all went out to admire the flowers while the said Daughter took the opportunity to tell Celebrant, the wake to celebrate the life of my mother <REAL NAME> is for friends and family only. You are not invited".

She didn't. come. Just as well.

theworriedwell

Baggs

Elephants mourn their dead. Are they being spiritual?

Maybe.

Elephants recognise the need to mark the death of a loved one. Wise animals who know the benefits of ritual

I’ve been to two funerals this year. Neither was religious but There eas a time ( with music) for people to use for their own thoughts and prayers . Both were a lovely celebration of the deceased lives.
My brother who died last Christmas no, opted for a direct cremation. No service at all. I respect his wishes but it has left me feeling as if things are not finished. I don’t know how else to describe it.
I feel fine metals are really for those left behind so my nearest and dearest have been instructed to do whatever feels right to them. I won’t be there to complain.

My friend was the Cekebrant at my mum's funeral. She recently died and picked her own celebrant!! He was very good. He and the family organised a really wonderful celebration that was exactly her.

I do wish, however, that they had warned me that I was in the photo montage that was shown.

OH and I have also decided to have direct cremations too - but I'd like my family to hold a celebration of my life afterwards. I already have a file on record with all the music I'd like played at it.

Each to their own.

Direct cremation for me, too. No funeral needed.