Funerals - each one is different now

This is exactly what I would.like. not sure family agree, in end it's up to them and what they feel they need

I have told my children I want a Direct Cremation. My Daughter also wants the same.

So no funeral.

Hi all,

Funeral Celebrant, Funeral Arranger and End of Life support person.

I understand you must have felt the service seemed out of sorts of what you would expect in a church, for certain.

As a Celebrant, I have background in Christian, Humanist, Buddhist and a few others, just from the years of experience and the kindness of others in specific religions who were kind enough to teach me to an acceptable level.

Most of my funerals I get requests for are "Humanist". This means the person didn't have a specific faith.

Although, some choose a Humanist service, with some Christian undertones, such as starting with the Lord's prayer, or certain Psalms.

As part of the company I work for, as a freelance Celebrant, we are able to offer three pieces of music for the service. The entrance music, the middle (or moment of reflection song) and the exit song.

These can be any music the person who has passed loved, or even asked for in their will or notes about their death. Other times, there were no instructions left, so the next of kin is left to try and decide the most befitting music.

The music can be classical, religious, pop and yes, even rock! You won't believe some of the songs I've heard.

And yet, if I see a congregation of loved-ones who are crying and laughing at the same time, or if I see them feeling they were really listened to and this has helped ease their grief, even for a moment, to me that is very important.

Grief is an absolutely individual thing and has it's own path to go. There is no expected end date and I am deeply aware of that.

I am keenly aware of those in attendance and the family/friends I have worked directly with in writing the tribute/eulogy for their loved-one.

Most of my services would be termed a Celebration of Life. I have officiated many, many services and there have been times where I had to read the eulogy again and again at home, until I was certain I would not end up in tears. There have been some tragic cases, indeed.

The bottomline is that the service should reflect the wishes of the loved-one who has passed away, and if those wishes were not known (which is rare), then the Next of Kin and family will come together to give their hearts and souls to make sure they do their very best to offer up all the memories and moments that tell the beautiful story of the life of the person who has gone "home".

Baggs

Elephants mourn their dead. Are they being spiritual?

Maybe.

A friend was terminally ill, he wanted no religious ceremony and in fact no ceremony, not unusual now but years ago it was. DH asked him to let DH say something so people attending the funeral would have some sort of service.

When it was all over the funeral director approached DH and asked if he could recommend him to people who wanted a non religious service. My husband wasn't interested but it did make me wonder who these celebrants are and does anybody oversees what they offer/charge etc. The funeral director did quote a figure to DH but I can't remember what it was.

I seem to be going to more and more funerals and they do vary from each other quite a bit apart from one thing, nearly all of them seem to involve playing the song 'My Way'.

Maybe they are*Baggs*. Who knows? Ganesh?

Elephants mourn their dead. Are they being spiritual?

People are different too. From each other, I mean. And what's special about (or to) one person may not be important to another or that other's family members.

What's important is the send off, the remembrance, the valuing/celebrating of a life.

My brother is a funeral celebrant, and says the difference between him and a Humanist is that he can have a favourite hymn or prayer if the family wish it, whereas Humanists tend not to have religious content.
He recently had a eulogy delivered via video message - by the deceased!

We got a good celebrant with my Dad. Dad wasn’t at all religious ( not like me )but they were very respectful and at the end they went out into the street and directed the funeral vehicle out into the busy road. The traffic stopped for him, it was very moving. We played classical music for him,including Nessun Dorma ,which he would have loved. Every time I hear that and ‘Time to say Goodbye” I still feel a bit weepy and it was many years ago now.

Actually the ‘best’ we attended, for an avowed atheist who’d specified zero fuss, had no service at all, but maybe 6 of us gathered in the crem ‘chapel’, with his coffin nearby, pulled up chairs, and shared wine, nibbles, and anecdotes concerning him.

We had asked the crem staff, in case anyone’s wondering - they were fine with it.

My dad recently departed this world and we sent off in the sidecar of a Triumph Bonnivile motorcycle . I really hope he enjoyed his final ride.

Witzend

I’ve been to two funerals with celebrants. One was truly dreadful and I’m sure would have made the deceased woman cringe. The other was OK but although I’m not religious I’d prefer a standard C of E service, with a couple of well loved hymns, any day.

Yes, it definitely makes a difference if you get the right celebrant. We were lucky with both of my inlaws to get a lovely woman who lives locally and also grew up here, which means she knows a lot of people personally. I've been to some which were very impersonal.

I’ve been to two funerals with celebrants. One was truly dreadful and I’m sure would have made the deceased woman cringe. The other was OK but although I’m not religious I’d prefer a standard C of E service, with a couple of well loved hymns, any day.

That man had a cheek kitty. None of his business. When my dad died (he was Irish) an Irish woman berated us for not taking the lid off the coffin for the service. He would have hated that. Someone else said we had chosen the wrong music. We had no idea who these people were.

Like Bluebelle I have paid for that arrangement with the co-op. My children/g.children can arrange to have some sort of 'wake'/life celebration at a time and place of their own choosing. I have left money for this. May actually hold two of these - one where I now live and one in London where I lived upto six years ago. None of us have any religious beliefs whatsoever.
My ex huspand, although not religious had paid for decades into the local synagogue funeral fund, just to ensure that there would be no costs involved. Our eldest daughter did all the arrangements explaining to the Rabbi that none of the family wanted anything religious. \in order to use this fund, we had to have the synagogue involved and use their services. At the service at the crematorium totally ignored her and was god this and god that - much to our annoyance and embarrassment. My daughter is still so angry about this 18 months later.

Just recently I attended an event to celebrate the life of a friend who died in February. She had specifically stated No Funeral. Her family live in several countries but came together to scatter her ashes, then put on a lovely informal event, which included as screen presentation of photos, four short tributes, food and drink for about 70 invited guests, representing the various groups she belonged to. I had been wondering what to expect but this was appropriate.
Nothing worse than the hypocrisy of a religious service if the deceased was not religious, but for the believer a religious service can be a most meaningful occasion. I am glad that it is no longer necessary for everyone to follow the same procedure.

That was extremely disrespectful and rude of him, keepingquiet. What a thoughtless thing to say.

How rude of that man. He should not have attended once he new the details of where it was.

so many people go to so many funerals I wonder if they really knew the person..

I was recently in conversation with someone who knew my brother, and had attended his funeral. My brother's widow was also there, and this man quite unexpectedly began to complain about the funeral, saying it was too religious (it was a requiem mass!) and that you don't get that sort of thing at the crem!

I was upset by his words and simply said it was what my brother had wanted, being someone whose faith was important to him.

I thought the man was very rude and disrespectful to say the least. I certainly wouldn't want to be at his funeral!

Even if you attend a funeral that isn't to your taste, please don't say anything to the bereaved, it is very hurtful.

We went to one a few weeks ago, crematorium, a celebrant took the ceremony, motorbikes accompanied the hearse on arrival.
A slideshow of his life accompanied by U2’s With or Without You, a few words from his best friend and a heavy metal track on leaving, it reflected the person.

A friend of mine had her husbands coffin decorated in his favourite football club colours.

I’m having a completely no fuss cremation through the co-op (got my co-op stamps too ever practical ) Two children and 5 grandchildren overseas it would all fall on my one child and two grandkids living here so I want to save all that stress I m putting away a thousand pound for any tea party trip out or whatever they want to do afterwards
All my extended family already gone no cousins or even seconds left etc and who knows which of my friends will survive me could be none….absolutely nothing worse than a funeral with half a dozen people dotted around and a person whose never met me saying how wonderful I was !

It’s not about me I ll be gone it’s about them and making it as pain free and comfortable and uneventful as I can
Hopefully they ll all have kind memories of me

My FiL died last month and his funeral was last week. He did not want a religious ceremony, so we had the same wonderful humanist celebrant who conducted my MiL's funeral. We played some of his favourite songs including Flower of Scotland and two Johnny Cash songs. We were seriously tempted to go with Ring of Fire! Surprisingly, our local undertaker said it's actually a very popular choice for cremations, but in the end we went with two others. Everyone left the crematorium to 'Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life'. The grandchildren all said they thought their Papa would have loved that.