Bully from school

Why post at all if you don’t want other peoples opinions? You have wasted our time, and your own.

Hello everyone I do not have any consideration how they feel only how I feel
F them so why is there is this issue and please no issue required

Thistle2016

Thank you everyone for your response but I am going for my gut response which is to acknowledge her appalling unacceptable behaviour which has impacted on my life and that you have no concept of but are happy to contribute your appalling lack of awareness to - so yay you your to your life !!!

Nobody is trying to diminish what happened to you, some are simply saying that this is not the place to confront her and the outcome may not be as you are hoping.

Thistle2016

Thank you everyone for your response but I am going for my gut response which is to acknowledge her appalling unacceptable behaviour which has impacted on my life and that you have no concept of but are happy to contribute your appalling lack of awareness to - so yay you your to your life !!!

You did ask. And we answered.

GrannyGravy13

Thistle2016

Thank you everyone for your response but I am going for my gut response which is to acknowledge her appalling unacceptable behaviour which has impacted on my life and that you have no concept of but are happy to contribute your appalling lack of awareness to - so yay you your to your life !!!

We can only comment on what you have told us.

All posters have been offering advice, kindly and respectfully.

I hope you find closure.

Yes, exactly.

This is reminding me of the estrangement threads.
Where sometimes no good comes from certain things.

Thistle2016

Thank you everyone for your response but I am going for my gut response which is to acknowledge her appalling unacceptable behaviour which has impacted on my life and that you have no concept of but are happy to contribute your appalling lack of awareness to - so yay you your to your life !!!

We can only comment on what you have told us.

All posters have been offering advice, kindly and respectfully.

I hope you find closure.

Thank you everyone for your response but I am going for my gut response which is to acknowledge her appalling unacceptable behaviour which has impacted on my life and that you have no concept of but are happy to contribute your appalling lack of awareness to - so yay you your to your life !!!

In any case, you shouldn’t confront anyone at a social occasion.

Magenta8

I would advise against confronting her. She is not the same person as she was 45 years ago and neither are you.

Before you reply that I don't understand the extent of the lasting damage that she did to you, believe me I do having experienced sustained bullying myself over a long period.

I know it is very hard to let go of deeply felt resentment but I have tried very hard, since the age of about 30, to put childhood traumas behind me and let go (I haven't always succeeded).

I really think you should even consider not going to the social occasion to protect yourself from being triggered particularly if you insist on a confrontation.

The chances are that she will deny all memory of having bullied you and she may even say she can't remember who you are. You will end up looking and feeling a fool and you run the risk of spoiling the occasion for other people.

Sage advice!

I'd probably give her a cold glance, and say "Yes, I remember you well...." Then I'd walk away.

What GG said. Don't give her the satisfaction of remembering her. Disdain is your friend.

I still think the best course of action is to ignore her.

If you really want to confront her, ask her to go outside of the main event, do not confront her in front of everyone else.

Stay calm and just tell her how much her bullying upset you and that it has repercussions in your adult life, ask her why she bullied you.

I was bullied at school, I would never give the bullies the satisfaction that they still took up space in my head.

People who bully are the unhappiest of people. I bet she will remember that she bullied you, because they pick a trait that they are envious of. Mine was my red hair, the person who bullied me stuck a great big lump of chewing gum on the top of my hair, so needed cutting to get it out. Ten years down the line, I bumped into her, we got talking as she knew my friend, I realised that her hair was dyed copper, cut into a bob- she must have realised I was looking at her hair & said “ always envied your hair”. I just smiled & said nothing.
Don’t be a shrinking violet, throw your head back, laugh & show her you are having a great time. I wouldn’t say a word.

I can understand how you feel, and the temptation to confront your bully must be overwhelming. However, I think such an action is likely to backfire, and the best course of action - difficult as it might be - would be to rise above and either just ignore her or smile sweetly, acknowledge them and move on. Causing a confrontation at a social occasion will only leave you looking like the bad person here.

As you are meeting as part of a social occasion I do hope it's not some sort of celebration.

I am sorry you have suffered so badly.

Expecting someone at a social gathering to admit they were a bully and apologise is unrealistic. They may have changed and be sorry for their behaviour. However they may still have all the traits which so upset you when young. In addition, you risk ruining a social occasion and others thinking badly of you, unfair though that may be. As Kitty said, best ignore them.

By all means if you feel you must, tell her.

I don’t believe it will bring you any satisfaction or closure though, because however she reacts, it will not assuage the hurt and anger which has lived with you for 45 years, nor will it help you to move on, you’ll just be adding another conversation to your memory bank to go over and over in your mind.

I wouldn’t put myself through that, but only you can decide what’s right for you.

Honestl, what do you imagine will happen f you confront her in front of others? That she will acknowledge that she bullied you. It’s very, very unlikely.

That you will expose her to all the others. Frankly their attention will be on you and the scene you are making and you will not come out if it well.

Whoever has organised the occasion will be angry with you and, if it is somebody’s special occasion they will hate you for spoiling it.

This s a recipe for disaster. A public confrontation will only cause you more damage.

I have seen it happen. You will come out of it the worse and she will have won again.

She may have changed and apologise to you before you say anything to her but you must be prepared for her to laugh it off or tell you it was not that bad, that would make you feel worse.

Can you please explain your reasoning for embittered

Only asking for acknowledgement of past behaviour to a child which is apparently excusable to some participants

I only wish for acceptance of past behaviour and heavioun before bidding

It is all about acknowledgement of your actions and not disregard of them. Please please show your victims that you know this