Rejection

Most toddlers go through this even with grandparents at they see a lot, my GS whom I see regularly didn’t even want me to sit next to him when he was 2 and would hit me to get me away from him, my daughter and SiL felt just awful about it, he is slightly better at 3 and now will spend time alone with me but he still won’t let me lift him out of the car seat. Am sure others have experienced this too.
Your son and DiL should try very hard to reassure Shanghai Grandma and do fun things together as a family, but tell them not to force things, toddlers will only ‘dig in’ when this happens and it will become a battle ground,
All the best

butterandjam

RosieandherMaw

Is anybody surprised that a toddler does not recognise or necessarily immediately warm to somebody he has not seen for half of his life?
I’d leave them to sort this out without any interference - however well intentioned.
It is not your business.

I suspect Grandma's "NOISY" Mandarin may be upsetting him. When his parents speak to him (in any language including Mandarin) , they perhaps use a softer tone of voice.

Grandma's a stranger, he's unfamiliar with her voice. If he's not very verbal yet, Grandma might be firing conversation at him at a speed, volume and complexity he can't cope with.
A common problem in 2 yr olds when strangers try to engage them in conversation.

I agree.
Is it upsetting your DIL that her son won’t interact with his maternal Grandmother?
The best thing for her to do is speak to him less but smile a lot.
Buy him a nice toy and then take a back seat.
A lot of Grandmothers find toddlers aren’t friendly towards them at times if they aren’t a constant presence.

BlueBelle

*Does anyone have any suggestions*
Yes, stay out of it and arrange your visits not to coincide with the other grandma, irrespective of nationality, language or anything else two grandmas at the same time ain’t going to work imo

I agree with BlueBelle. I'm not sure why you are asking for our suggestions - are you planning to pass them onto the maternal grandmother in the hope that her relationship with her grandson will improve? I can't see that working, really. She will find her own way, and probably won't be pleased to find she has been discussed on the Internet in this way. I would definitely keep out of it and hope she doesn't find out.

RosieandherMaw

Is anybody surprised that a toddler does not recognise or necessarily immediately warm to somebody he has not seen for half of his life?
I’d leave them to sort this out without any interference - however well intentioned.
It is not your business.

I suspect Grandma's "NOISY" Mandarin may be upsetting him. When his parents speak to him (in any language including Mandarin) , they perhaps use a softer tone of voice.

Grandma's a stranger, he's unfamiliar with her voice. If he's not very verbal yet, Grandma might be firing conversation at him at a speed, volume and complexity he can't cope with.
A common problem in 2 yr olds when strangers try to engage them in conversation.

I'm not quite sure what it has to do with you as, I presume, you are not currently with them in a 2 bed apartment - let them sort it out.

Does anyone have any suggestions
Yes, stay out of it and arrange your visits not to coincide with the other grandma, irrespective of nationality, language or anything else two grandmas at the same time ain’t going to work imo

She’s a total stranger to him - she should have the sense to stay in the background and allow him get used to her gradually.
Perhaps she won’t listen to sensible advice, though.,

Is anybody surprised that a toddler does not recognise or necessarily immediately warm to somebody he has not seen for half of his life?
I’d leave them to sort this out without any interference - however well intentioned.
It is not your business.