What shall I do ?

41 isn't a special birthday and doesn't, in my mind, merit a £100 present. I wouldn't normally spend that much except for special occasions.

Send a card and some very nice flowers. Put the rest of the money away for your grandsons' 18th or 21st birthday - tell your daughter you've done this if you think you need to .

Or spend the money on a treat for yourself!

I am so sorry you are in this very upsetting situation. I think I would send a card with a special mother to daughter message
I am assuming you can’t phone or try and arrange to meeting at all

You say you have little money but seem to be buying expensive presents?

I’d send a card, but not a gift as these don’t seem to have been acknowledged. Does she send you a card or gift for yours?

I couldn't pass by without saying how awful this must be for you . 💔

I feel for you too as I have a DD and GC of about the same ages and can imagine how devastating this must be for you. Is her behaviour as a result of a specific incident or because of your marriage breakdown, is she blaming you? Please don’t give up. Continue to send her cards and as someone else suggested some flowers or perhaps chocolates and if at all possible try to speak to her on the phone or go and visit and tell her how much you love and miss her. I am saddened at how many similar posts there are on GN, almost always involving daughters.

I’m the same but I’ve been totally estranged from my daughter now for 10 years plus. I used to send cards and gifts for her birthday and Christmas and a short text acknowledgment from her. But my birthday, Christmas and Mother’s Day cards etc from her to me just never happened. I stopped putting the gift vouchers in after 5 years. I’ve since stopped the cards as well. She couldn’t care less if I’m dead so why should I worry. She is 50 next year. Sad really. I never thought it would be like this. I do get to see her beautiful two daughters about 3 times per year.

My daughter estranged herself from the whole family just before Covid and has only recently reunited herself with me and her father. She remains estranged from the rest of the family who don’t seem particularly bothered about it.

During those years of complete estrangement we respected her wish to have no communication with us but I continued to mark birthdays and Christmas with cards containing money. The cards I went and posted through her letterbox. I would never have stopped recognising those milestones or her as our daughter because she clearly found it more comfortable at the time to cut herself off from us.

I too think £100 seems a lot of money and would probably halve it. Most of my family are very happy with money as a gift because they can be sure of getting something they like. I suggest you consider doing the same.

Your daughter hasn’t ghosted you because she’s still in some communication with you.

Since being reunited with our daughter (one of 5 children) we’ve never asked her why she chose to estranged herself or talked about it at all.

This must be so hard for you and I’m sorry that you are going through this.
Is there a charity that you could give money to, to mark the day and the love that you still feel? I sent money to MIND one Xmas in similar circumstances. It helped me at the time.

One of the advice columnists offered a good answer to this kind of question. She said in her opinion, there is an age at which an enormous (and expensive) fuss over birthdays should just come to an end. That age is about 11.

In your situation, I'd send the daughter a very nice card, and maybe a small sentimental item. Your extremely generous gifts are not appreciated or reciprocated, so why keep doing it? You can express your love in other ways, which would probably be more appropriate anyway.

Is she reachable via text or email? Maybe try some friendly, everyday communication? Money doesn't have to come into the picture.

While you can select friends based on shared interests and compatibility, you cannot choose your family members. You must find a way to deal with them regardless of your personal relationship.

Estrangement does not necessarily mean that you hate the other person or wish them ill. More likely it means that you do not want that person in your life or to give them headspace.

I speak from experience.