Giving siblings birthday presents

My elder two have the same birthday but two years apart. Youngest is two and a bit years younger than his nearest sibling. My mum started the ‘tradition’ of all three children getting presents (the actual birthday person would get a bigger present) on their birthdays. I can’t remember when it stopped, but I certainly don’t do it now they’re 44, 42 and 40.

I find that strange and over the tops.
The birthday girl/boy should be the one for a gift.

Absolutely not. Never. I was horrified the first time my son was given a present at his sister’s birthday party.

I did when they were little. We stopped around 4 when they were old enough to know about birthdays.

DGS was 6 recently and I did take his 8yo sister a small bag of 'unbirthday ' sweets, which she was pleased to have.

No. I have 7 DGC so it would be nearly impossible to take gifts to everyone but I disagree with it anyway.
Your special day - surely.
I would buy for the sibling of a new baby but then I usually take a gift for the mum as the baby gets showered with prezzies.

My exh, myself and 2 of my DC had summer birthdays and had a birthday BBQ. My youngest DS was born in December and asked why he didn't get a BBQ birthday so we used to do a special BBQ for him even though it was not his birthday and we let him invite his friends.

My mother always gave me an 'unbirthday' present on my brother's birthday, it was just something small, like a Mars bar, and I don't think it was even wrapped, but I knew I would get a little something. She stopped it when I turned 10. I have carried on that tradition with my children, and now my grandchildren, always stopping when they turned 10. There was one exception when my DH had just had his brain bleed, and my mind was on other things. It was noticed by the 6 year old, and I apologised profusely and made up for it later!

I do. When my children were small their grandma gave a small unbirthday present to the one who wasn't celebrating and I have carried it on with my grandchildren. It doesn't distract from the one who gets to blow out the candles. Of course, it isn't necessary but it is a family tradition now in memory of a lovely lady.

I had a really good relationship with my little sister. I was always nice to her but when she got a doll in a carrycot on my birthday just like the one I got I wasn’t very happy.
Almost 75years later I still remember it. She doesn’t!

I always give my younger granddaughter a little gift on the older girls birthday. It actually brings me as much pleasure as it does her, and we're talking about a tiny amount of money spent. I'm the only grandparent who does this though. But that doesn't stop me from doing it as l can't see that it does any harm.

PamelaJ1

I had a really good relationship with my little sister. I was always nice to her but when she got a doll in a carrycot on my birthday just like the one I got I wasn’t very happy.
Almost 75years later I still remember it. She doesn’t!

I can understand that. You didn’t feel ‘special’ so it hurt your feelings. That said, probably a similar thing happened on your sister’s birthday when YOU were the recipient! Swings and roundabouts …

I agree with Dontcallmelove- however i would maybe 'occupy' the younger sibling (maybe a 2/3/4/5 year old?)with a little thing like blow bubbles,or pens& paper(could encourage them to 'make' the siblin̈g a 'birthday card', or some such.

My 2 children are now in their 40s. The eldest has 2 children, the younger still lives at home. I didn't give unbirthday presents to my 2, couldn't have afforded it anyway, though I do for my grandchildren. The present is always money which they can choose to spend when their sibling spends their birthday money or save for a future larger purchase. The unbirthday present is always given at the end of the birthday celebrations and away from other guests.

No, never and I don't never will. That's just teaching kids to be entitled imo.

I was always given a small present on sister's birthday, and she
on mine.

This stopped when we moved away from home at 16.

It was my grandson’s 3rd birthday yesterday. Us 2 grans have always bought the non-birthday child a small present. But yesterday his 5 year old sister was upset because he got more presents than her ! Of course we reminded her that on her birthday she would get lots of presents and her brother just 2 small ones. I can’t help but reflect that perhaps all the focus should be on the birthday child as others have implied on here.

No,
not ever.

I bought a small gift for my first dd as a gift from her new baby sister and did the same with my gc, but it has never occured to me to repeat.
I tend to agree that children of 4 or 5 or 6 or 7 etc have to learn they are not always the centre of everything and they too will have their special day when it comes round.

I did with my children and do with grandchildren, usually a milky bar/pot of bubbles/a hand made pocket sized soft toy.

We take turns at blowing out the candles too - birthday person first and then relit for anyone else who’d like a go. I hasten to say candles don’t go in a cake that’s to be shared here. I put them in a potato half covered in tin foil.

They’ve all grown out of it by the time they reached 10 so far. It’s fun to see the older GCn indulging the littler ones. I don’t think any of them are spoiled or ‘entitled’, just happy to be enjoying the day.

Always have and do give sibling presents. In fact, now with grandchildren from both daughters living within a five minute drive from us I give all of them presents for each other's birthdays too... My daughters still each receive gifts on each other's birthdays. Why be tight and try to impose discipline and puritanical unhappiness on those you (hopefully) love most? We make it a celebration for everyone. Gifts don't have to be huge, I've always bought what we can afford.

It’s nothing to do with being tight. It’s just something I have never come across til this thread.

A bit off subject but most children are far from deprived, especially at Christmas and birthdays, as well as the frequent random gifts throughout the year. I know people when visiting gc where the first question from them is ‘what have you bought us’.

I have 2 gc and they have a big family on their dad’s side. The Christmas mountain of presents is an astonishing sight. Unwrapping is done at breakneck speed, before turning to the next and the next… with barely a second look at the gift being unwrapped. There is just too much that little can be appreciated and treasured. It’s not their fault, they know no difference.

. I come from the generation who got one or maybe two smallish presents with an orange and a couple of nuts. My own children did better, but nothing like the huge sacks of gifts children get now, especially at Christmas time.

Quite agree. I hate a present ripping fest where nothing is looked at properly or appreciated. We give our gifts usually at our house (not always) when the flurry of ripping has passed, or if it suits better, before the general flurry. I'm not so worried about it ever being on THE day, close too is fine. It just reaffirms love for them all without any of those unpleasant feelings I can remember of begrudging the birthday child's day. Everyone celebrating is a great joy. Hard knocks happen enough and plentifully without me as a granny adding to them. I remember getting a brown umbrella for Christmas aged 12, maybe 11. My brother got a much nicer gift. I still remember the disappointment and hurt, even though I loved him.

I also make cakes for everyone to share, even if pieces have to be sent home in tins for missing, working, partners.

No unbirthday gifts for our children or our grandchildren. We did make sure our children both had something new to wear, not complex or expensive, maybe a new t-shirt. The non-birthday child was always asked if they wanted a friend at their siblings party. Birthdays in the family have always focused on celebrating the day someone came into the world. It’s been the same for our grandchildren. Never any drama or upset about it, just how it is.