Behaviour in the Doctor's Waiting Room

If she had said oh no it's a very tall doctor I'm very glad you are with me to see the doctor would that have been a problem is it unacceptable to say someone is small tall or has freckles But someone being foreign that's really tricky !

I could see her point and it was nothing to do with racial stereotyping...just people making assumtions based on their own inbuilt bias.

keepingquiet

Years ago I was in a hospital waiting room where nurses came out calling patients by name.
One kept returning because the person she was calling didn't respond.
In the end she went up to a young lady and asked if her name was.... whatever the name was. It was a foreign 'sounding' name.
The young lady was very put out and asked the nurse why she assumed it was her?
The nurse couldn't answer and went away, realising she had offended the young lady. This young lady was black, and I have never forgotten her stance in challenging the nurse's assumption that the patient with the foreign name must be her.
I also have a surname that has overseas origins. I would also take exception to an assumtion being made that I couldn't speak English or would have an 'accent.'
Despite having a foreign name the nurse in the waiting room didn't assume it was me. Why? Because I'm white.
It is amazing what effects even seemingly small assumptions can have.

The young lady was so offended. I guess she must have been very resentful of racial stereotyping

Perhaps beginning a thread with anecdotes might not be the best way to start off an objective discussion?

Just a thought.

Allira

Caleo

I did realise it, Maremia.

I sought sociological ideas not personal comments. I know better now than to repeat any similar experiment at Gransnet. Petra 's is the most sociologically -able response so far.

Oh, are we an experiment?

My hope is that I will find others with interest in sociology , history, and so forth on Gnet, So yes, in a way Gnet is an experiment for me.

fancyflowers

Caleo

I think it's often that very expensive stick -down stuff called Dale something.

Do you mean Karndean?

Exactly, Fancyflowers. Dale and Dean are the same sort of terrain to me , hence my confusion. I wonder if the waiting room is floored with Karndean. I bet this is not a suitable question to ask a receptionist!

Medical dccor is fascinating.

Should say my surname is not foreign but it's not spelt the way it normally is so I get called all things but as long as they shout out my forename I know it's me .

My cardiologist I call him Dr then his forename as I can't pronounce his surname,my neurologist's registrar I call Dr shorten forename as I can't pronounce it or his surname neither of them mind . Plus I can get stuttery, and my words get slurry at times or I can't get the words out or they come out wrong . I do have to get people to repeat information doesn't matter there nationality or how perfect their English is as due to my neurological condition I don't always take in information straight away. And have to write things down or ask the to because my hands shake and my writing is minute and can't always read what I have written 😂

Being widowed when I was 45 I and looked after my parents both had one deaf ear ,mom had tinnitus so couldn't have an hearing aid for that ear . My dad did have a hearing aid and my mother in law had 2 hearing aids. Both my dad and mother in law didn't wear the aids at home both saying they didn't need them and it would wear out the batteries. Was ok with my dad but I had to shout so my mother in law could hear. After they all died and someone days never spoke to anyone . So didn't realise I spoke loudly when out until my daughter told me mom why are you shouting .

Since moving here 6 years ago I go out more member of various groups so I no longer shout . But have lost some hearing in my left ear but can't have a hearing aid . I had jaundice in 2017 left me hearing my heart beat in my left ear . A hearing aid would only make it louder.

If people talk loud you don't know what their circumstances are if they live alone ,are deaf but wouldn't have hearing aids, or live with a deaf person who won't wear hearing aids. Plus some people just talk loudly it's how they are .

Poppyred "We are all walking on eggshells in our own country". It is their country as well - and thank goodness for the foreign workers, especially the doctors, nurses and carers, who live and work here in very stressful circumstances - without them we would be in more of a mess than we already are.

caleo I assume you did not intend to be offensive - occasionally a doctor has a strong accent, and the same issue could arise with a strong regional accent or dialect but a name would not indicate it. But your comment was unnecessary and could be perceived as racist so I can understand your son's embarrassment.

petra Someone should gently tell this lady that "darkie" is a hurtful and offensive term. She probably meant no harm but your comment about the "thought police" says a lot more about you.

Caleo

I did realise it, Maremia.

I sought sociological ideas not personal comments. I know better now than to repeat any similar experiment at Gransnet. Petra 's is the most sociologically -able response so far.

Oh, are we an experiment?

Caleo

I think it's often that very expensive stick -down stuff called Dale something.

Do you mean Karndean?

I think groups of any age can be loud, Allira
That's just what happens.

Years ago I was in a hospital waiting room where nurses came out calling patients by name.
One kept returning because the person she was calling didn't respond.
In the end she went up to a young lady and asked if her name was.... whatever the name was. It was a foreign 'sounding' name.
The young lady was very put out and asked the nurse why she assumed it was her?
The nurse couldn't answer and went away, realising she had offended the young lady. This young lady was black, and I have never forgotten her stance in challenging the nurse's assumption that the patient with the foreign name must be her.
I also have a surname that has overseas origins. I would also take exception to an assumtion being made that I couldn't speak English or would have an 'accent.'
Despite having a foreign name the nurse in the waiting room didn't assume it was me. Why? Because I'm white.
It is amazing what effects even seemingly small assumptions can have.

How do you feel about it now, Caleo?
GN is rarely a linear discussion. Without actually hearing the tone of your voice, or any of the responses, we have to rely on just the black and white words.
Don't think anyone meant to offend, but, I do not speak for all.

Our surgery waiting room is another empty one. My daughter in multi-cultural London complained of the patients in hers who bring along their entire family and takeaway food. It was the same when she had her baby and couldn’t sleep for the large number of visitors who stayed half of the night.
Is it racist to comment on different peoples’ behaviour? How about saying Mrs Next-Door wears too much make-up or I can’t understand Geordie accents?

petra

Caleo
Thank you. 😉

Perhaps you'd like to give the rest of us some tips on how to post acceptable replies petra

If you're very deaf do you talk very loudly? People who aren't feeling well might not want to hear you, just as an example I suffer from migraines and loud voices hurt. Maybe your son is being considerate.

Caleo
Thank you. 😉

I did realise it, Maremia.

I sought sociological ideas not personal comments. I know better now than to repeat any similar experiment at Gransnet. Petra 's is the most sociologically -able response so far.

He just didn't want to be the Caberet. Mum in law, in her care home was very vocal, opinionated and funny.
After one particularly pithy comment, the whole room burst out laughing.
I hadn't realised that ours was the only conversation.

I went to our surgery recently and it was quite full of people but not a voice to be heard!!!!! Rather unusual? I rarely go there but I was surprised. Perhaps someone had been naughty?

Felix2007

I think the younger generation are very aware of perceived racism, my daughters always correct me if I say anything that could be thought of as racist, usually inocently. Also, older people do tend to speak loudly, my great aunt, in a restaurant, tended to remark on the other diners in a very loud voice, which was extremely embarrassing.

That sounds rather ageist.

We were out to lunch with friends the other day. There were two other groups there, all 30 or 40 somethings, both groups very loud so that we could hardly hear ourselves.

Perhaps older people might speak loudly because they are deaf?

I think the younger generation are very aware of perceived racism, my daughters always correct me if I say anything that could be thought of as racist, usually inocently. Also, older people do tend to speak loudly, my great aunt, in a restaurant, tended to remark on the other diners in a very loud voice, which was extremely embarrassing.

I don't think it was a case of moral condemnation, more that posters were simply pointing how your remark might have been perceived by others in the waiting room, and how that was probably why your son reacted in the way he did.

Rosie, sincerely I was actually puzzled. I am clearer in my mind now.

I did not enjoy the moral condemnation from some posters, and I did not deserve it.