Behaviour in the Doctor's Waiting Room

Tenko you say " I am on your son's side" .I do not seek moral support . This is not about taking sides. It is about seeking advice and if possible an interest in the sociology of chatting behaviours in public enclosed spaces

Not the impression your opening post gives., OP.
What “advice” did you hope to get? Other than that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover or a professional by a (possibly) foreign sounding name
“The sociology of chatting in public spaces” - really?
How about the wisdom or even good manners of making an audible potentially inflammatory comment or judgement ?
You clearly gave the impression that your S was out of order by the way you described his attempt to shush you.
He did not say “Shut up” though, did he?
But he did stop you from making a fool of yourself.
Did you hope for justification?
Likewise al the posts decrying “foreign” (sounding) health professionals.
Not in my name.

Given the context, I thought this article may be of interest..... or food for thought at least.....
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/jul/09/new-rules-small-talk-nail-every-conversation-first-dates-weddings-parties-funerals

Caleo , maybe speak to your son . Although you’ve been given plenty of advice on here .

Caleo

Personally speaking, a Scottish name would be reassuring for me as I am a Scot and am happy with all Scottish accents and even all Scottish dialects.

Many GPs are 'Asian' and some Asians are hard for me to hear. I do not doubt their competence and their kindness but I do not enjoy some foreign accents. My preference is not racist.

I'm not good with some Scottish accents. Some, not all.
Today I've had lunch with a Scottish friend and, over the years I have become accustomed to her and can understand what she says but found it difficult when I first met her.

Some UK regional accents are not easy to follow either.

I remember being on a ward round and one elderly patient said to an Asian doctor "and where were you born?"
Dr replied ' Barnet General' and we all laughed.
I find a strong Scottish accent difficult but these days its mainly because my hearing is not so good.
I don't panic though just say I am quite deaf now so you need to speak clearly.

Tenko

I think your son was trying to shush you in case you said anything else and it sounds like your voice is louder than you think . GPs waiting rooms tend to be fairly quiet, so voices carry .
I’m on your son’s side as I’m the daughter with a deaf mother , who takes her to all her appointments. And yes she sometimes comments on a clinicians name if it sounds foreign. And yes I do a lot of shushing . 9 times out of 10 the clinician has perfect English . I find that some older people forget that the clinician with a foreign name is often born and educated in the UK.
I work in dentistry and often older white patients say to me , where are all the English dentists ? My reply is they’re all English , born here .

Tenko, you say " I am on your son's side" .I do not seek moral support . This is not about taking sides. It is about seeking advice and if possible an interest in the sociology of chatting behaviours in public enclosed spaces.

PaynesGrey

Your assumption was that the voice of a doctor with Asian ethnicity would be hard to understand. It’s an outdated and offensive attitude.

Can you understand journalists Mishal Husain, Krishnan Guru-Murthy, Naga Munchetty, Reeta Chakrabarti, Samira Ahmed or Krishnan Guru-Murthy?

How about actors Dev Patel, Parminder Nagra, Archie Panjabi, Sanjeev Bhaskar, Meera Syal, Jimi Mistry, Nitin Ganatra?

I experience this micro-aggression on a regular and tedious basis. I speak clear RP.

"I experience this micro-aggression on a regular and tedious basis. I speak clear RP." says PaynesGrey. Since your use of English includes RP the micro aggression you experience is not due to your RP that's to say it is not due to your accent.

I object to your accusing me of "micro-aggression" . You have never even met me. I demand that you apologise.

I am attending an NHS physio class run by a young woman whose speech is at times difficult to understand. Not so much when she gives short, clear instructions, but when explaining things she speaks more quickly and less distinctly. Yes, she does have a ‘ foreign’ accent. I have no idea what it is and it doesn’t matter. How else can I put it, and not cause offence? I could probably say the same thing about various UK regional accents.

petra

caleo
Did you actually say im glad you’re here because the doctor has a foreign name if that’s a yes? there are lots of people around now who would interpret that as a racist remark as in ooh, is a foreigner, I don’t want to be on my own with him
I know this sounds ludicrous, which it is but this is the world we are living in.
It’s the equivalent of Reds under the beds in the USA in the 50s.
I take some neighbours to a gentle keep fit class.
One of them is the kindest person you could meet but she used the word darky to describe an African gentleman in the class.
Fortunately this was after we had left.
If the thought police had heard her I dread to think what they would have made of it.

100% right Petra.

I think your son was trying to shush you in case you said anything else and it sounds like your voice is louder than you think . GPs waiting rooms tend to be fairly quiet, so voices carry .
I’m on your son’s side as I’m the daughter with a deaf mother , who takes her to all her appointments. And yes she sometimes comments on a clinicians name if it sounds foreign. And yes I do a lot of shushing . 9 times out of 10 the clinician has perfect English . I find that some older people forget that the clinician with a foreign name is often born and educated in the UK.
I work in dentistry and often older white patients say to me , where are all the English dentists ? My reply is they’re all English , born here .

PaynesGrey

Your assumption was that the voice of a doctor with Asian ethnicity would be hard to understand. It’s an outdated and offensive attitude.

Can you understand journalists Mishal Husain, Krishnan Guru-Murthy, Naga Munchetty, Reeta Chakrabarti, Samira Ahmed or Krishnan Guru-Murthy?

How about actors Dev Patel, Parminder Nagra, Archie Panjabi, Sanjeev Bhaskar, Meera Syal, Jimi Mistry, Nitin Ganatra?

I experience this micro-aggression on a regular and tedious basis. I speak clear RP.

I have to be honest and say that the person I spoke to on the phone yesterday to make an appointment did have Asian ethnicity and I did struggle to understand them and I like to think that I’m not racist in any way. One of the reasons why I retired from the NHS was that I was struggling to understand people on the phone if there was any background noise.

My doctors waiting room is always empty.

Not entirely clear what they actually do really.

Your assumption was that the voice of a doctor with Asian ethnicity would be hard to understand. It’s an outdated and offensive attitude.

Can you understand journalists Mishal Husain, Krishnan Guru-Murthy, Naga Munchetty, Reeta Chakrabarti, Samira Ahmed or Krishnan Guru-Murthy?

How about actors Dev Patel, Parminder Nagra, Archie Panjabi, Sanjeev Bhaskar, Meera Syal, Jimi Mistry, Nitin Ganatra?

I experience this micro-aggression on a regular and tedious basis. I speak clear RP.

GoodAfternoonTea

Since I am starting to lose my hearing, the accents I have most problems with are Scottish accents. It is not to do with my being racist, it has something to do with how they say certain vowels and consonants.

All scottish accents?

There's a world of difference between the vowels and consonants of Clydebank and Culduthel. Or Buchan and Bearsden. Or Ayr and Ann St.

Since I am starting to lose my hearing, the accents I have most problems with are Scottish accents. It is not to do with my being racist, it has something to do with how they say certain vowels and consonants.

There is such a lot of casual racism heard recently. Whatever it's called
Those who are on the end of it are daily assaulted by micro aggressions and attitude.
If course that was an unacceptable thing to say out loud. No wonder your son was cringing. He probably feared guilt by association.
Also upthread
That anyone could hear the word darky in the present day and not object or correct it is astonishing to me.
And people on here say MN us a viper pit of bad language.
They wouldn't tolerate any racist attitudes or words there. It would be jumped on immediately.
And rightly so.

I am not quite sure how to take that comment but my thoughts were that other patients might not know how to take yours without the context you have provided us

InRainbows

Out of context that could be seen as racist by the other patients waiting. You know you didn't mean it that way and knowing you your son probably did too but he was obviously embarrassed in front of the other patients. I would forgive him that moment of exasperation honestly and perhaps be mindful that your voice may carry more than you realise or even have a tone to it you can't hear well which changes the meaning.

think you confuse zenophobic and racist.

Out of context that could be seen as racist by the other patients waiting. You know you didn't mean it that way and knowing you your son probably did too but he was obviously embarrassed in front of the other patients. I would forgive him that moment of exasperation honestly and perhaps be mindful that your voice may carry more than you realise or even have a tone to it you can't hear well which changes the meaning.

Esmay

In the stark white waiting room lit by striplights we are obliged to watch the screen continuously or miss our appointment.
If you miss your appointment-you get told off by of the dragons in reception.
I've longed to tell them that their skills would be better suited to working in an abattoir perhaps stunning the animal before it's killed or perhaps sharpening knives on their tongues .
Last time,I went we all agreed that we hated the waiting room for the complete lack of warmth or comfort .

Medical space decor is not always as good as it should be. Many years ago it was expected that most patients would defer to the doctor and to his own premises. Now, however patients are encouraged to take responsibility for themselves as much as they can do so.
Taking responsibility means understanding medical procedures as much as is possible and that puts the patient on the same social footing as the doctor. There is no social need for medical spaces to be intimidating or have a cold deferential atmosphere.

Absolutely! There are 6 doctors, 4 of them partners, in my local medical centre, but when you do manage to get an appointment, the place is empty apart from one doctor on duty and a couple of nurses. There seem to be more receptionists than medical staff. Even the blood pressure monitor is out of action! Weird.
I sometimes feel as if I'm in the Twilight Zone rather than a doctors' waiting room.

VANECAM

Hi Caleo, it sounds like you have a very well mannered son there. His empathy and good manners ( including social awareness) does you proud.

Thanks Vanecam He is actually a popular man and has a great social life.

I have enjoyed all replies, and I thank all of you. I have decided my son was right in his intuition not to sit and chat together in that particular place.

Personally speaking, a Scottish name would be reassuring for me as I am a Scot and am happy with all Scottish accents and even all Scottish dialects.

Many GPs are 'Asian' and some Asians are hard for me to hear. I do not doubt their competence and their kindness but I do not enjoy some foreign accents. My preference is not racist.

So if they were called Dr Kelly, Murphy, MacDonald or Stewart you would think the same?