Enjoying anticipation, or a complete surprise!

I love surprise visitors who just knock the door without phoning or messaging. As a child we never had visitors and often weren't allowed to answer the door to anyone for reasons I can't go into here. All my family have an open door policy except my DIL who is on the appointments system. One friend is also on appointments often a week in advance. Can't really be bothered with that.
I visit to see people not how nice their home is, and my visitors accept me as I am or don't need to bother coming.

I have mixed feelings. I always do enjoy them when they happen to me, but then I have a few very organized family members who would make sure everything was taken care of, and that you were dressed for the event (some other excuse made up).

For instance, I retired at the end of March. I had a nice luncheon at work, and knew DH had planned a dinner with friends. I didn't realize that the dinner included all the family, some friends, and some of the long time work mates came as well. There was a lovely speech and some gifts. It was unexpected, but I still think of it with warm memories.

On the other hand, for my late MIL's 90th birthday, my SIL planned a surprise party for her. I was against it, just because it can be so overwhelming, and because of her age. Once again, she knew she was going out for a nice lunch at a fancy hotel, but didn't expect all her neighbours, church group, etc. She had a lovely time; was the belle of the ball, so to speak. So I was wrong to be against it, just because it was so well planned.

M0nica

Casdon

I’m talking about surprises where you know on the day M0nica, for example when I get a message saying ‘we’re out tonight, wear jeans and a warm coat’. I would like a surprise party too, I’d find that much less stressful than thinking about it for months in advance. It’s not a surprise, as you say, if you get given tickets for something weeks or months ahead. Obviously unexpected bad things happen too, and nobody likes those, but I took the original thread to mean events.

But what happens when the surprise is jumped on you when you are already committed to something else that evening and you cannot reorganise, or even an evening when you were actually looking forward to a quiet evening at home because you were really tired, or feeling slightly less than well?

I can deal with the unexpected and I do not lack spontanaity, but I hate surprises.

It’s not happened, because they find out what I’m doing without me realising I’ve been sounded out I guess. I can’t imagine turning down the chance to do something because I’m tired, because once I’m out I forget about the tiredness until I get home. I’m sure I can’t be alone in this?

I don’t like surprises. Fortunately my family have never sprung any on me. Sometimes I have pre-empted the possibility by arranging something myself.

Casdon

I’m talking about surprises where you know on the day M0nica, for example when I get a message saying ‘we’re out tonight, wear jeans and a warm coat’. I would like a surprise party too, I’d find that much less stressful than thinking about it for months in advance. It’s not a surprise, as you say, if you get given tickets for something weeks or months ahead. Obviously unexpected bad things happen too, and nobody likes those, but I took the original thread to mean events.

But what happens when the surprise is jumped on you when you are already committed to something else that evening and you cannot reorganise, or even an evening when you were actually looking forward to a quiet evening at home because you were really tired, or feeling slightly less than well?

I can deal with the unexpected and I do not lack spontanaity, but I hate surprises.

Presumably the surprise element of the visit is just for the children?
All the adults seem to be rearranging their plans around this visit, and hopefully keeping things amicable.

At least the other grandma wasn't intending to arrive out of the blue at her son's house! That would have been out of order.

I'd try and concentrate on what's best for the children 🙂

Personally I'm not a fan of surprises!

Reading into this is it because your DD will have to share the GC with the other GM and cousins at a time when she was hoping to do things with them. I'm assuming its not an everyday/year occurence so the kids will be delighted, if they tire of it I'm sure they will say and probably delight in telling their friends when back at school. Just run with it as its for a short time

Surprised can be grate in small doses but sometimes can be stressful and overwhelming when they involved lots of planning and people.

Keep it real !

👍🎉😻

X

I’m talking about surprises where you know on the day M0nica, for example when I get a message saying ‘we’re out tonight, wear jeans and a warm coat’. I would like a surprise party too, I’d find that much less stressful than thinking about it for months in advance. It’s not a surprise, as you say, if you get given tickets for something weeks or months ahead. Obviously unexpected bad things happen too, and nobody likes those, but I took the original thread to mean events.

Casdon

I love surprises, particularly concert and theatre tickets, and days out. My friends and family know me well, and I’ve never been disappointed - I didn’t even know where we were going on honeymoon until we were on the way. I’m not one for knowing months in advance what I’ll be doing on a certain date, I like spontaneity, just picking up my bag and going. My worst nightmare holiday would be going to the same place every year.

There is a big difference between what we mean when we talk about not liking surprises and having unexpected things happen.

To me the tickets are unexpected but not a surprise, within the meaning of the act, because they give you plenty of time to prepare for the event. My sister and DH gave DH and I a surprise/unexpected token to Covent Garden for our 50th wedding anniversary. The token was unexpected, but the shows we went too were chosen and attended later.

Life is inevitably full of surprises. DH car did not start this morning because the battery was flat. That was unexpected.

I think within the remit of this thread, it is rather having some special event you are expected to enjoy, and possibly be at the centre of, thrown at you without warning and with an immediate start that is what people find difficult to process.

Not liking surprises does not mean that spontinaity is banished from our lives, nor does it mean that we want to know everything months in advance. Yesterday, when our morning activities took longer than expected, we were driving past Tesco on the way home and DH said, lets have lunch in Tesco and save you cooking when we are running late, so we did, that was a spontaeous action, but also one I could have contradicted, if I had left a casserole in the slow cooker.

I can't stand unexpected knocks on the door, let alone major surprises. Even the postman can get my stomach churning. I can't think of anything worse.

I HATE totally HATE surprises so does my eldest daughter I don’t know about the other two it’s never really come up for discussion but I can t bear it, I really need to be prepared and know what s happening and when

Glad to hear I'm not alone! I hadn't even thought of some of the more practical problems this can create, such as not being home etc. I think twiglet77 hit the nail on the head, saying that the surprise is (more) for the person planning it rather than the recipient. I have enjoyed reading these posts.

Surprises are stressful for many people. I'm guilty of making arrangements at the last minute but I wouldn't want to shock someone. To me a surprise is positive but a shock is negative, another side of the smae coin. I recently surprised a friend with a visit at short notice, but I phoned to say I was in the area and would love to see her if she was free. She said yes but that the house was a mess. I said (truthfully) that it couldn't possibly be as bad as mine, and it wasn't! I hope she didn't rush round tidying while I was on the hour's drive to her, but we had a lovely time catching up. I hadn't seen her for a few years and I already had plans for later in the day, including a meal, so it was just coffee and a chat, and it was a good surprise I think.
When I was 60 my chidren spent a weekend at home and took me out on the London Eye on the day, and for a meal in London, then the next day we had another meal out and a walk round a National Trust house locally. It was a memorable weekend but they consulted me beforehand. At my 70th last year my DD was living abroad but was going to be in the UK a couple of weeks earlier so we planned an early celebration and they booked a cottage in Norfolk and we spent a weekend there with DD, DS, his wife and my grandchildren. On my actual birthday a I arranged a meal out with friends. In the end DD's plans changed and she was still in the UK so came too.
If someone organises a surprise they need to be very certain it is what the recipient would want and that they haven't made other plans if it is something like a big birthday.

I had a surprise birthday party this year and thoroughly enjoyed it. Nothing too formal.
Had I known in advance I would have got wound up about what to wear etc etc so the surprise was much better.

I love surprises, particularly concert and theatre tickets, and days out. My friends and family know me well, and I’ve never been disappointed - I didn’t even know where we were going on honeymoon until we were on the way. I’m not one for knowing months in advance what I’ll be doing on a certain date, I like spontaneity, just picking up my bag and going. My worst nightmare holiday would be going to the same place every year.

I had a sort of surprise for my 60th. I knew we were going away somewhere in this country with my daughter, son in law and their dog. My husband said to pack clothes similar to a recent holiday. So far along the M4 I guessed what might be a stop off point and I was right. Afterwards we carried onto Kent which was a place I had previously said I wanted to visit and had a lovely time visiting various places. We stayed in a tiny cottage in Deal. I had two birthday cakes 🎂🎂

I NEED to prepare for social activities. Surprises are an absolute no-no for me and thankfully I think the family know this. I would probably rush in the opposite direction if I came upon a Surprise.

Oh dear !

I'm guilty of disliking surprise visits as I get older .
It's because I no longer rush to get dressed in the mornings and the house isn't as tidy as it used to be .
I feel embarrassed .
I didn't used to be like that - I was up with the larks-washed and dressed and in a hurry to clean the house .
I was appalled at my in laws "laziness" as I saw it .
It would be noon and they were still in their pyjamas drinking tea and talking .
We never seemed to do anything.
I don't recall going out except a few times with my mother in law and it was a casual local shopping trip or perhaps a drive in the late afternoon.
If I ever suggested a restaurant or a proper day out - smiles were exchanged and nothing happened .
I guess that they were tired.
On Saturdays , their house was full of relatives and it always looked a complete mess before the visitors arrived .
It didn't bother them .
My parents were immaculate in their dress and the house looked unlived in .
You visited by invitation only and prior to your visit everything was re-cleaned ,flowers arranged and special food prepared
It was formal .
And it wasn't fun !
I'd rather know if people are coming so I'm dressed and I've vacuumed and there's something nice to eat ,but I'm not as formal as my parents were .

Another here uncomfortable with surprises. A young friend drove from one side of the country to the other to see us as a surprise. She loves surprises and assumes everyone else does as well. I still go hot and cold thinking how we would have felt had we not been at home. It was bad enough not being able to offer a meal without heading to the shops. She has a very restricted diet for health reasons, the fridge wasn’t stocked for her needs. No more surprises please!

No, I don’t like ‘surprises’ of any sort.

‘Surprise’ 40th birthdays for example. Awful.

Would have hated to go out for what I assumed was a simple family meal, only for 50 guests to be there as well.

No thank you.

My DH told me he was taking me to London for my 50th birthday. I was really looking forward to it as we travelled to London on the train. When we arrived I was surprised to see all my children and their partners there. I asked if they were staying in the same hotel as us. Yes they said in Paris!
I was a bit shocked by two out of the blue surprises and was still a bit overcome all the way to Paris.
We had a fantastic time but I'm definitely not comfortable with surprises.

I believe surprises are far more for the person planning it than for the recipient.

When my ex’s stepfather was terminally ill, my BIL told us he was coming over from his home abroad in six weeks’ time, to surprise MIL, and not to tell her because he wanted to see her face when she opened the door.

I said the secret then is for ex and BIL to enjoy, to wallow in anticipation for six weeks, looking forward to seeing MIL’s shocked and delighted face, but denying HER six weeks of glorious anticipation. If she could know and look forward to his long-overdue visit, which was only to be a fortnight, she could plan for it, arrange lunches and outings with BIL’s godparents (her lifelong friends), his uncles and cousins, she too could wallow in joyful anticipation which might help ease the daily strain of their stepfather’s illness.

Eventually BIL and my ex did agree to tell her he was coming, her delighted face was no less joyful for knowing in advance, and she too had weeks of looking forward to it rather than just two rushed and panicked weeks to enjoy the visit.

My DDs planned a surprise swish lunch out for my last big birthday. It was lovely, but had I known where we were going I’d have dressed differently, I’d have considered and rehearsed topics of conversation with the other wider family guests who were seated when we were shown to our table, and although I’d have inwardly dreaded the event I think I’d have enjoyed it more had I known what was coming. Perhaps they thought I’d refuse to go, as I really struggle socially, the elder one just doesn’t “get” it and the younger wouldn’t defy her.

So, no surprises, please!

No surprises please.
For my 60th my DDs arranged for a long time friend who lives a distance away to turn up on the day, I loved seeing her but obvs she had to stay a couple of nights and I had not made up the guest bedroom or bought in enough food. So what should have been a lovely day turned into me worrying about not being prepared.
Have warned them ahead of time about my 70th.

Oh dear !

I'm guilty of disliking surprise visits as I get older .
It's because I no longer rush to get dressed in the mornings and the house isn't as tidy as it used to be .
I feel embarrassed .
I didn't used to be like that - I was up with the larks-washed and dressed and in a hurry to clean the house .
I was appalled at my in laws "laziness" as I saw it .
It would be noon and they were still in their pyjamas drinking tea and talking .
We never seemed to do anything.
I don't recall going out except a few times with my mother in law and it was a casual local shopping trip or perhaps a drive in the late afternoon.
If I ever suggested a restaurant or a proper day out - smiles were exchanged and nothing happened .
I guess that they were tired.
On Saturdays , their house was full of relatives and it always looked a complete mess before the visitors arrived .
It didn't bother them .
My parents were immaculate in their dress and the house looked unlived in .
You visited by invitation only and prior to your visit everything was re-cleaned ,flowers arranged and special food prepared
It was formal .
And it wasn't fun !
I'd rather know if people are coming so I'm dressed and I've vacuumed and there's something nice to eat ,but I'm not as formal as my parents were .