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Helping out when you can or cant't!

(7 Posts)
GoodAfternoonTea Sun 09-Nov-25 08:18:23

During my early 60s I was always very keen to help friends who had difficulty walking, didn't drive, or who were much older. As the years have progressed and I now have sundry ailments myself including depression, IBS, GERD, and lack of interest in other people's problems, I find it all too much now to provide assistance, a listening ear, a helping hand. I prefer just to sit in the background at the U3A, WI, and local groups. Is this an age thing or just me becoming cantankerous?

JackieBee1 Sun 09-Nov-25 08:25:49

I feel the same, just cba.

Flippinheck Sun 09-Nov-25 10:10:38

Slounds like you have done your bit. Time to relax and enjoy the rest of your life.

Luckygirl3 Sun 09-Nov-25 11:10:20

Self-preservation is an important principle.

As we age our ability to help others declines - we need the energy to help ourselves!

Homestead62 Sun 09-Nov-25 12:22:22

Totally understand. It gets too much. I don't have many friends as I find most people totally self absorbed. They don't care what you are going through. I'm quite happy.

henetha Sun 09-Nov-25 12:26:44

I feel somewhat the same. It's difficult enough just getting myself through the day now, so I can't be much use in helping others, sadly.

Esmay Sun 09-Nov-25 13:00:29

I don't think that you have become cantankerous-it's just become too much.
It's perfectly understandable.
Try not feel guilty.
Enjoy your retirement.

I've always done a lot of charity work and helped people whenever I've seen a need.
Charity work was a full time job at one stage.
I've done a lot of volunteering at church.
It hasn't always been great.
I was met with hostility from church members ,who possibly had /have dementia
Two have passed and one is in hospital.
I persevered.
Having experienced people with dementia I know that there's no reasoning with them.

I was happily doing things at church up until Easter when I was unable to help out due to a huge family wedding.
I've not felt that well - my asthma isn't controlled and my mobility has suffered.
Since then,I seem to have become the object of gossip and speculation even as I helped out at Harvest Festival.
I've even been asked why I don't want to be more involved with church activities by our Vicar.
I had told him why I couldn't help by email every time I was unwell.
No need to apologise , he said .
After what felt like a reprimand -
I was so shocked that I went home in tears.

I still go to church.
It's near my house and was attended by my family.
It means a great deal to me and I have friends there.
But I feel as though I'm being treated like a shirker and it's left a very bad taste in my mouth.
I've looked around for another.