This happened and it makes me feel old and cross

BlueBelle

I ve never had it happen I don’t think

Do you think it was because as you d had drops in your eyes and couldn’t see, needing someone with you and the receptionist gave the directions to the person doing the directing

Just a thought

That was my first thought.

BlueBelle

I ve never had it happen I don’t think

Do you think it was because as you d had drops in your eyes and couldn’t see, needing someone with you and the receptionist gave the directions to the person doing the directing

Just a thought

That seems logical.

That is annoying but I don't think I would say anything. What I find very patronising is being called "young lady". Again, I don't say anything but maybe I should.

A few years ago when I was using a wheelchair while waiting for two new hips and not long had an aorta replacement People would talk to my husband and not me. My response was to say something about not taking sugar Then folks would address me. For those who are unsure the reference to sugar refers to the original disability program on radio 4 I think the program was called does he take sugar

I was in the library, and addressed a lady sitting there about a club. She answered me clearly and we got chatting. A younger woman saw us through the window, ignored me an asked the lay how she was with that tone of voice and speed reserved for small children, then said "bless you, take care". I pointed out that neither of us was senile, and needed to be spoken to like children. She gave me a strange look and left. I asked the lady if she always treated her like that and she said it was quite common.

I get it in reverse because my husband is a few years older than me. Also he has a northern English accent and people can’t understand him. I have to translate !

This happens all the time when I take my Mum (90) out. I always refer them to Mum and have the dialogue with her. She may look old and frail but she's sharp as a tack

I frequently accompany my hard-of-hearing mother to appointments and just to places generally. I have found that I can direct most people to talk to her rather than me by gesturing very expressively with my eyes towards her.

Sometimes I have to do this several times during a conversation but it does work, and she doesn’t get embarrassed by a verbal intervention.
romola I would have felt miffed too.

If someone asks a question, whether they have a disability or not, it is courteous to reply to them.
You were quite right to be annoyed Romola, and to challenge it in the future. You'd had drops in your eyes, didn't make you deaf did it.
I have worked with many wheelchair users, they get this all the time.

Bazza

Wasn’t there a book written by a wheelchair bound women called “does she take sugar” which says it all really. Having spent some time in a wheelchair I can really sympathise

Having worked in a special needs department of a mainstream secondary school with a unit for students with physical disabilities I worked with lots of students in wheelchairs, I'm very aware of that and hopefully will never make that mistake. I'd only address a carer if the occupant of the wheelchair was uncommunicative or I couldn't understand them, but one sees that sort of thing all the time. Today I was talking about an experience I'd had taking 'an elderly lady' to a hospital appointment when I realised I am now 'an elderly lady'! Fortunately I can still get to most things myself except my diabetic retinopathy checks when I can't drive afterwards. When the appointments were at my local GP surgery I could walk home, or sometimes drove anyway as my eyesight is rarely affected by the drops, but now I have to attend a clinic in a village with no bus service and I wouldn't risk driving back down the narrow lanes even though I'd probably be fine! I still haven't figured out how to get to my next appointment. Perhaps I should use the volunteer service that I drive for which takes people for medical appointments! Most of our drivers are geting on a bit as we're mostly retired, so available to volunteer!

It is probably more effective if your daughter says, "Please speak to my mother, she asked the question."

This worked well when hospital staff spoke over my father's head to me, and of course, I had a really nasty remark up my sleeve, if it didn't, which was, "I am a historian of religion, it is my father who is the physician!"

You should have seen their faces!

Yes, it is annoying and degrading…….a bit like the question “does he take sugar.”
I have poor mobility and all too often I feel invisible, even to elderly, able bodied people.

I'm having eye injections for AMD and my pupils are dilated every time. I can see perfectly well after my treatment and can read my kindle (with my reading specs) while waiting to picked up. Just saying....

Happened to me once when I went into a computer shop with a male relative. I wanted to buy a desk. The assistant kept addressing my companion.

"Talk to me sonny. Im the one with the money!"

Best teacher voice. I did enjoy it.

BlueBelle, I thought Romola's response was a tad rude, too. Your explanation was a real possibility and quite acceptable.

I would have said “Excuse me…I asked the question ,so I would like the answer”. Some of these receptionist believe they are just one step Delos the doctor or consultant.

I was only giving what may have been a possible explanation no need to bite my head off Romola anyway I ll leave you to it

BlueBelle

I ve never had it happen I don’t think

Do you think it was because as you d had drops in your eyes and couldn’t see, needing someone with you and the receptionist gave the directions to the person doing the directing

Just a thought

Actually quite possible, and she may have thought she was being helpful?

teabagwoman

It is SO annoying when people do that. My instant response was to say yes, challenge it in no uncertain terms but then I thought what a difficult job hospital reception staff have so I would say challenge it gently.

This

They are overwhelmed, give them a break, but yes gently bring it up.

I think the gentle approach works better too. Done with a smile she'll remember you and the smile.

You could also go via local PALS to get a message sent out to all staff re agism - maybe even more effective, it will reach all staff - give PALS the wording you want.

welbeck

Does he take sugar ?

That went through my mind too!!

Pinkhousegirl the book was written by a women in a wheelchair who wasn’t spoken to, just the person pushing her, so if she was being a cup of tea she wasn’t asked directly.

I found this a lot when I was in a wheelchair after suffering an accident and had several broken bones in my leg, when I visited the hospital for a plaster change I gave the receptionist my appointment letter and spoke to her but she replied to my husband it’s so annoying and rude, I found it happened in shops too

One way round that would be to ask your DD to back away before asking.
It is annoying though.

My Mum was admitted to hospital a while ago, at night time the nurse came round with a bowl for teeth, Mum said I dont have false teeth to be told not to be shy and just put them in to soak. Mum dosn't have false teeth!!

Agree.. I would have said something! That is just plain rude....Did your daughter not say anything? Mine would.