Dilemma

I have a very indiscreet friend and whenever we used to meet she said 'have you brought your ear trumpet?' I found it rude but I did go for a hearing test and now have hearing aids.

Please be patient. I know I have hearing loss, tried nhs aids, paid 2k for private and still miss a lot of what is said in a group situation or with background noise. I hate feeling a nuisance asking people to repeat. It certainly isn’t an affectation and can be very isolating and depressing. Hearing aids do not make everything ok.

Loss of hearing is not restricted to the elderly! I've been wearing hearing aids since I was in my late 40s. It wasn't until I wore them that I realised how bad my hearing was. The world became a much easier place to navigate. They also helped with my tinnitus.

Having paid for expensive private aids, I now wear NHS ones which are bluetooth so phones etc go straight into my ear. Simply amazing!!! Saying something could make a huge difference to your friend's life if she does in fact need aids.

By the way, if you wear aids, private or NHS, you are entitled to a Disabled Person's Railcard which gives you 1/3 off fares and the same applies to one person travelling with you. Also not restricted to off peak trains etc. There has to be a silver lining .

Hope that helps.

I think you'd be doing her a favour if you gently mention it. As others have said, perhaps say that you're going to get your hearing tested and see if she wants to join you. It may be that she either has an ear infection or has ears blocked with wax. She may not actually need a hearing aid but if she has no one at home to say it to her, I think you are just being caring if you try to broach the subject.

I also have to ask people to repeat themselves.

I have tried hearing aids in the past but I couldn’t get on with them.
I had a job getting then into my ears and also getting them to stay in my ears. The blasted things kept falling out.
After one incident when at a restaurant, one of them fell out under the table and I was scrabbling around trying to find it.

I gave up after that. I know I should’ve persevered, but I just haven’t got the patience.

My son said to me “Mum, are you going a bit deaf? You’re missing things”. I knew my hearing wasn’t good, but hadn’t realised it was so obvious. I wasn’t a bit offended, and I don’t think I would have been if a friend had said it, either.

Tell her you are going to get your hearing tested as you can't hear so well in groups. Subject brought up, see where it goes. You could end up going together.

Iv took leaf
Out of my aunties book she said it's not fair for people to have to keep repeating because of being stubborn about it

You are a good friend to care. Good ideas above. These days right or wrong people say more as it is! Such stigma it seems with hearing aids 🤔 why? You may have glasses on from age around 40 for reading anyway. They don't have the stigma
It's reported how untreated deafness increases dementia link, and if she's out of the loop in a group she's missing a lot. Maybe bite bullet. Say you're having hearing check at Specsave it won't do any harm, does she want to go with you ?
Maybe she thinks you have to pay? You only pay for nhs ones if you loose them.

I would say something along the lines of "I keep noticing lately that you often do not hear when I speak to you. Have I started talking too quietly, or are you worrying about something and preoccuppied?"

Obviously, this is a conversation to have when you are alone with her. Worded in this kind of way, you give her the opportunity to say that she has been wondering lately if she should have her hearing checked, to assume that yes, you are talking too quietly all of a sudden, or to claim preoccupation as the reason.

Thanks for the good suggestions everyone. I mentioned it to DH and he agreed wholeheartedly. He'd really noticed how she routinely asks for people to repeat themselves. I'm still a bit torn. I suppose I'm just hoping she notices for herself at the various Christmas events and parties we'll be going to.

You could bring it up under the ‘Well, one of my New Year resolutions is to go and get my hearing checked, I’ve been putting it off, but am really going to sort it. Have you ever been for a check up?’

She may not realise that she has a hearing problem especially if she lives alone with no-one to tell her the TV or radio is too loud. I wasn't really aware of my gradual hearing loss until the day I was nearly knocked down by a car. Apparently the driver had been blasting his horn which I was oblivious to. Maybe your friend is the same. Could yoy drop into a conversation about hearing tests being free so you're going to get tested and casually invite her along?

Wyllow3

My hearing aids help with the tinnitus a bit, I'm not quite sure how its works, they were from Boots.

Same here, mine are NHS ones from Scrivens.

Aveline do you wear hearing aids?
I first went for a hearing test because I'd heard of the link between uncorrected hearing loss and dementia.
You could tell your friend you're going for a check up because of this, and will she please come as well for moral support. (You'll need to know your NHS numbers).
To be honest when I went I wasn't expecting to need hearing aids, but I'm glad I've got them!

You know your friend and whether she would take offence or not. Tread carefully. Maybe just bring up the subject of hearing aids in general as a topic of conversation - quite interesting these days as there are so many varieties. My husband’s live in his top drawer - cost a fortune and the second pair he has had. Grrr.

Thank you Willow3. That's useful to know

My hearing aids help with the tinnitus a bit, I'm not quite sure how its works, they were from Boots.

I cannot see what is wrong in asking her if she is getting a bit hard of hearing! You could add .....Mine is not as good as it used to be.
I have Tinnitus and it drives me batty !

The approach mentioned by Foxie sounds good.
I struggle with deafness in one ear but unfortunately a hearing aid wouldn’t help. It’s very frustrating at times.

My daughter has given up answering the phone to a former neighbour as she just grumbles down the phone as she can't hear reply

Would it really upset you if she took offence and ended the friendship. If the answer is yes then don’t risk it.

But if you wouldn’t lose a close friendship I would say straight out that you’ve noticed she seems to be having difficulties with her hearing and having to repeat yourself constantly is exhausting.

But I know I’m a bit unsympathetic with people who don’t deal with their hearing loss because I’ve worn aids since I was a teenager and don’t really get the “I’m not deaf” attitude.🤔

I've just got hearing aids and I now realise that when I thought people were mumblers it was actually my hearing loss! I'd start a conversation on the lines of, several of my friends are getting hearing aids and I'm wondering if it's time for me to have a test. Just as an opener to get on the topic. If she doesn't pick it up, then just change the subject. I was in hospital in July and had a nurse asking me questions prior to going down to theatre. There was a lot of background noise and she was some distance away at the end of the bed. I had to ask her twice to repeat something she'd said which I hadn't heard. She said very loudly "Do you wear hearing aids?" that was enough to prompt me to get my hearing tested!

It is a hard one.

I am going to make myself an appointment for a hearing check in the New Year because I know something is amiss. I struggle to hear if more than one person is talking at a time and the TV is on a high volume to the point my daughter says "Mother are you deaf?!

I think, as she lives alone I would broach the subject.

That's a thought. There's lots of fluey colds going round. My ears often suffer. That could be a way in.

Could you ask if she has an ear infection? That might possibly affect her hearing, I know it does me when I g3t them, which is quite often.