Don’t do it then!

I have just realised the above is so true.
I have a friend in poor health, who grumbles incessantly about all the work she has to do for Christmas because her daughters 'expect it and don't help'. Then I remembered when the eldest daughter was first married and wanted everyone to come to her lovely new house for Christmas she flatly refused, 'because your dad hates going away and won't come;' (they had been separated for years but he was expected to join them for Christmas.)
The daughters were not allowed to help because 'they don't know how to do it properly', and they were never going to be allowed to learn.

Another mother insisted in cooking the Christmas meal herself in the early years of her daughter's marriage , then transporting it in the boot of the car to her house. Likewise the daughter had never been allowed to help, 'because the kitchen is my domain'.

Odd mindset. All about control.

ginny You express my feelings exactly. To be honest I am not sure I even fully believe those who say that they only do it for children or grandchildren. If they really did not want to do it, they surely have the ingenuity to find a compromise that enables you to have the baked bean lunch while seeing the children as well.

I have always loved Christmas, still do, but it is about family and enjoying being together, not about competitive spending heavy drinking or buying so much food that a lot of it gets thrown away.

I think you're right lixy- some people just love a good moan. Maybe it wouldn't be Christmas for them without having to complain.
This year having been no where in December (unusual for me) I feel very laid back and even excited about having all my family together on Boxing Day.
We do our own Christmas our way- the only thing that has got to me is the awful weather we've had- but then it is Winter and the lights people go to the trouble to put up really cheer up the streets.

I mean people who rush about doing things they don’t want to and making martyrs of themselves and then moan about it.

As I overheard on the bus yesterday ‘I’m dreading Christmas Day but I have to cook it all from scratch or it isn’t really Christmas’
I do agree ginny, no one has to make 10 stollen loaves, peel a pound of chestnuts or rear their own turkey unless they want to. But then maybe moaning is part of the fun?

HelterSkelter1

I have had 15 minutes of magic which I enjoy every year. Just as the sun was setting and the sky was that lovely violet blue tonight after a sunny day, I put coat and scarf on and had a 15 minute walk around the streets here looking at everyone's christmas trees in their front windows, sparkly white lights on trees and bushes in people's front gardens. Had there been a tiny new moon it would have been perfect.

I will repeat it every early evening when dry till Jan. I can do without the music in the shops from October and the rest of it all, but this I love.

In dd’s road, since the first lockdown Christmas, they’ve done Advent front windows, each house (or most of them) given a date, for which to decorate. Most inc dd’s are ablaze with other lights, too.

Oliver Cromwell, in his capacity as Lord Protector, had the right idea: he attempted to cull non-religious activities associated with Christmas, as it was all getting away from the point even back then and becoming quite out of hand.

His New Model Army troops patrolled the streets 'supervising' discipline, from house to house.

Just a thought........

Oh Ginny you should just hear some of the ladies at the gym, the martyr crowd.

Of course I understand that Christmas can be hard for some. This will be our first Christmas without my brother who died on the 28 th December last year and we have lost other loved ones and had to deal with special occasions.
I mean people who rush about doing things they don’t want to and making martyrs of themselves and then moan about it.

welbeck

Not many trees or decorations to be seen in people's windows around here.
There are a few.
And some hannuka lights and on cars too.

I would say there are about the same amount as usual around here.

Christmas is lovely for those that enjoy it.

Plenty experience poverty, loneliness, disinterest and lots of other negative emotions around Christmas.

We need to have a degree of acceptance of others and do the best we possibly can for ourselves I suppose.

Not many trees or decorations to be seen in people's windows around here.
There are a few.
And some hannuka lights and on cars too.

ginny

Oh I do like it.
That’s probably why I get fed up of people moaning about it.
Surely if there is a crowd , delegate jobs and talk to each other about what really needs to be done or provided and what can be done without. That’s what we do .

There are really strong and good reasons Christmas is really tough for many.

Its not moaning: its telling it like it is.

The pressures to pretend other wise are immense.

I too love the lights in the darkness, and magical bits like some children's with Downs Syndrome singing in the supermarket for charity the other day, I love the idea that very soon the days will get longer bit by bit, I love the symbolism of rebirth in the depths of winter, I will enjoy time with the grandchildren after Christmas, but mostly glad when everything gets going again after Christmas and always have done.

I have always been a believer in being straight about things. So well before christmas or whatever holiday I would find a time when I was actually with family, not by phone or email and then find a chance to talk about what we might do. That way , I find , you can take note of not only what people say but the body language etc etc, and there is a good chance to negotiate and change things so that when the time comes you are mostly doing something you want to be doing. Not that awful thing when you think you are doing what the other person wants to do and they feel the same about you and in years to come you find it was not what any of you really want! When you have a young family or young grandchildren you may have to compromise but within adults , we have done some really lovely things that would not be what you first thought of.

Helterskelter- yes the lights are lovely. They make me feel guilty I haven't illuminated my own home, but there's no point anyone doing them unless people like you & me appreciate them, I suppose, & one year I will get around to it.

I have had 15 minutes of magic which I enjoy every year. Just as the sun was setting and the sky was that lovely violet blue tonight after a sunny day, I put coat and scarf on and had a 15 minute walk around the streets here looking at everyone's christmas trees in their front windows, sparkly white lights on trees and bushes in people's front gardens. Had there been a tiny new moon it would have been perfect.

I will repeat it every early evening when dry till Jan. I can do without the music in the shops from October and the rest of it all, but this I love.

I stopped doing all the 'just for the sake of' things, and now my Christmas is absolutely full of the very things I love . Funny that

Fallingstar

We are only doing it for the grandchildren, would happily spend it on our own eating beans on toast and not watching the telly. Will be counting down the days to new year.

We are a bit like this in that we do it as we love to see our GC enjoy Christmas. Also they grow up so fast and it’s not the same once that magic goes so that’s why we do it.

Oh I do like it.
That’s probably why I get fed up of people moaning about it.
Surely if there is a crowd , delegate jobs and talk to each other about what really needs to be done or provided and what can be done without. That’s what we do .

We are only doing it for the grandchildren, would happily spend it on our own eating beans on toast and not watching the telly. Will be counting down the days to new year.

Bit simplistic, there may be other people involved who you don’t want to be a grinch around
Nothing in the world is as black and white as that
You may not like something but maybe those around you do so you will push it along to make it nice for others but a good old ‘get it off your chest’ moan might help