Your funeral

I really don't mind what the family want to do about a funeral for me. It's up to them how they want to proceed. I'll be gone. There'll be enough in my estate to pay for it.

Calendargirl

Just picking up on a comment by BlueBelle.

If you want a simple funeral, it doesn’t have to be Pure Cremations or similar.

As she says, CoOp and others offer these, as well as traditional funerals.

Check them out, it may be a surprise, price wise, and local businesses benefit from the trade.

Yes, I agree. I decided on one of these - gone with the Co-op. All paid for now, told my AC about it. Money put aside for them to arrange some sort of 'Life Celebration' as and when they wish it.
None of us have any sort of religious believes, and have found it annoying in the past when we have attended other funerals and have heard stranger (whether religious or celebrants) talking about a person they never knew.

When my ex husband died a couple of years ago, he had paid into the funeral arrangements with the local synagogue for over fifty years - so a lot paid in. (had started off for both of us, but after we separated and subsequently divorced, he cut it down just for him. This meant all arrangements cost nothing. My daughter explained to the Rabbi that both her Dad and entire family were totally non-religious, so could he keep any of that aspect as minimal as possible at the service. She was then very upset when god was referred to throughout that subsequent service far more times than anything to do with her Dad.

As has been said, for those of us who live to a really old age (I am now now 84), so many of our friends have pre-deceased us, it usually just comes down to family attending.

I feel real relief that I have taken away this matter from my children.

My husband was cremated and his ashes buried in a Woodland plot. Mine will be scattered there too, around the tree which is now quite large, and I quite like to think that I’ll be part of the tree too in a few years. Along with him and the cat😬

I've never married or had kids by choice, so there's nobody along that line to possibly come to my funeral, and I've never had any family of any sort, so there's no funeral people there either.

I'm far more social online than off, so there'll be nobody from there to see me off.

I have no funeral plan and no Will, so I'm just going to go quietly and let the furnace take me.

Maybe one or two will come to my funeral, and maybe not!

Non attended cremation for me. I’ve brought my family up to ‘look after the living’. I know they’d all get together afterwards to remember me- probably a short break, or meal together. No ashes to scatter either- don’t really understand that you can ever just get your own!

I’m not really bothered whether there is a funeral for me or not. I’ll leave it up to my family to decide what they want to do, I shall be totally unaware anyway .
However, my brother died at the end of 2024 and had chosen pure cremation . He was a popular man who did a lot of work with the Scout movement and had sung in a Barber shop Quartet among other things. There was no funeral or meeting up of any kind. I’ve found that difficult and I know many others would have liked to attend something.I have arranged a small memorial of my own in the form of an inscribed leaf on a metal tree. It has given me some comfort.

grandMattie
I’ve been told that they keep the body for 3 years then if the family want the body they can have a funeral.
One daughter won’t talk about it but the other 2 looked at me and said why 🤷‍♀️😂

No funeral for me.

Both my parents left their bodies to science. My father was accepted, my mother not. At that date (1997) I didn’t realise it was possible not to have a funeral of sorts, so we had a basic one, which was rather painful as none of us was religious,

I want as simple a funeral as possible. I would rather my family get together at a later date and share memories and have a nice meal.
I dislike funerals myself so much and would prefer a direct cremation, but it will be my DDs decision. I have lost cousins already and the older generation has gone of course. Some friends are older who may not be here themselves.
A sad thread as I am probably facing DH's death soon. But that has to be thought about and discussed with DDs. I think they have come round to a direct cremation for him.

petra

My body is donated to science. In the event that they don’t want it my girls know to make it as cheap and simple as possible.

When my daughter worked in the chaplaincy at UCL, after “they had finished” with the bodies, they were all given a decent funerals/cremations. She once did 8 in one day. None of the families chose to attend.

Mine and that of DP are arranged and paid for already, normal funerals not the just cremation ones.I think it’s important for family to do this.Mum has hers sorted too, so none of us have to think about it now.Wills all up to date too.
polomint arrange your funeral now and then don’t give it another thought.Tell your family that you’ve done this.

I’m another who doesn’t want a funeral.

I have a direct cremation paid for which actually cost more than a traditional funeral as there is no cremation in Malta and it has to be carried out in Sicily.

My youngest DD was very cross with me at first but I told her I don’t care what they do with my ashes so if they want to hold some sort of get together it’s up to them.

Two of my girls live in the US and it means they won’t feel they have to come rushing back.

We are all different aren’t we, but I’ve been to too many funerals and I hate them.😢

My body is donated to science. In the event that they don’t want it my girls know to make it as cheap and simple as possible.

I don’t really know what I want.

A cremation, definitely, and I hope DH and my ashes end up together. Buried or scattered, not sure which or where.

I go to church, but since Covid and seeing how many ‘small’ funerals there were, not sure if I want much of a ‘do’.

DD and her family live in Australia, would certainly like her to be there plus DS and family, but unsure if I want many more there.

Probably a very small cremation, but maybe a service then at church, plus a bit of a ‘do’.

Will really have to think seriously about it all.

Life moves on, apart from family and a few close friends, you’re soon forgotten, or not remembered very often.

BlueBelle, I admire you. You face life full on, no self pity.
My mind has changed regarding my funeral, I had plans for a formal one, and a big party after, like I had for my husband, all seats taken and many standing. However, I feel now there's no one bothered. I am just a tiny part of everyone's life. So I want a simple one, the only thing I would have liked is my ashes to be with my husband, but that won't happen. My d estranged me so I lost half my family. I am changing my will, my intentions have changed. I feel I have a duty far extending family I do have.

I used to think about what I wanted as a funeral until I realised that funerals aren't for the dead they are for the living. So I've told my family that I really don't mind what they do but I'd like my friends to be told. I've left a sum of money to four different groups of friends for them to have a meal and a drink as a parting gift from me. I've also left a few things to special friends that I know they will like. I've just asked to be cremated and said I'd prefer donations to a charity for the homeless rather than flowers but as I won't be there it's totally up to them to do what they want to do.

My family know I don’t want a funeral I hate them. They will get together at some point to say their goodbyes.

I don’t like to be the centre of attention in my life, and definitely don’t want to be in the event of my death.
No funeral for me.

Just picking up on a comment by BlueBelle.

If you want a simple funeral, it doesn’t have to be Pure Cremations or similar.

As she says, CoOp and others offer these, as well as traditional funerals.

Check them out, it may be a surprise, price wise, and local businesses benefit from the trade.

I like the catharsis of a funeral...
Very healing.

I'm going quietly and by myself. Direct cremation. I don't want my kids and granchildren waiting 3 weeks or longer for a coffin to arrive outside the house, then have to follow it for miles , immagining me in that box . Nope not for me .

I absolutely don't want a funeral and have left instructions. A simple cremation and my family having their own get- together, that's quite enough.

My ex died during Covid and my children had no one to comfort them at his funeral- I wasn't allowed to attend because I was shielding from the virus and it broke my heart, there wasn't even live screening.
Since then I am planning to have a full blown burial after requiem mass with my vast family and fellow parishioners in attendance, as well as anyone else that knows me.
I want hymns and incense and lots of flowers.

I know I won't be there but I hope there will be a good wake afterwards and lots of prayers said for my immortal soul. I will need them!

As most of my family are scattered and I don’t want anything to fall on one persons shoulders I’ve arrange and paid for a quiet and quick cremation If there’s anyone around they can go and have a meal on me I ve left some money for that too
I dislike funerals and avoid going to them I d rather spend that hour or two thinking quietly about the person by myself
So no worrying about getting there, what to wear, or anything at all, just a quiet mental goodbye somewhere peaceful and beautiful a wood, the beach, the bluebell woods
I have no one in the world left except my children and grandchildren and they are all over the place. My good friends are either older than me or in poor health

I paid for the cheapest cremation with the co op ( it was a bit cheaper than pure cremations) not sure if it is now and i got about £200 in co op stamps so I can pick up a few bottle of free wine before I go

You’re not the only one polomint - I think about these things all the time, except in my case, I do have family and feel sad for them, especially my grandchildren.
I am seriously thinking of ‘pure cremation’. None of the family will be involved .
polomint, another thing to remember is that most friends would be either gone by then or not well enough to attend. So don’t worry too much . Whatever happens, we won’t know anyway.