Soops Kitchen, a friendly place of refuge

FGT💐
SueD💐

Ah, FGT.

My medic dd, who has some experience in hospice medicine, said to me just this weekend that for many people, the challenges of the final weeks or months do fade away, to be replaced by happier memories of their lives together and especially so if families talk together about ‘Do you remember when mum/grandad/etc did XYZ?’ It keeps that person alive for them. My little GC, ages 8 & 4, still talk about their other granny, even though she died more than a year ago.

Thank you for the comment about anticipatory grief. I suspect I am at that stage now with my Dh.

Wishing you a peaceful sleep. Xxx

Dear Fgt, I don’t think there is a right or wrong way. Just a your way. Look after yourself dear lady 💐

Thank you Doodle for your empathy and kindness. I find myself wondering if I’m doing this ‘grief thing’ all wrong. I doubt myself. On a few days (busy with admin) when I haven’t cried, I’ve thought “surely this is wrong for someone I loved so very much”.

I think ought I to dwell upon the last godawful months more, which upset me greatly? Then I know I will cry.

Or do I swerve it, count my blessings remembering how lucky was I to be loved by my Mr Wonderful for 54 years? Some people are not anything like so fortunate so (my head tells me) “be grateful, stay strong as he would have wished”.

But then.
I think back. How utterly valiant he was in facing down his cancer. His bravery, both mental and physical for 3 years. His hopes, which became cruelly dashed those last ten fraught months when we distanced himself utterly, immunocompromised and overly cautious not to catch anything that might thwart his iv chemotherapy treatments. . How he never complained, not even once. How he bore living with an oesophageal stent with all its privations when food became problematic and I would cry hot tears in Sainsbury’s worrying what I could buy for him to eat and try to help him gain some much needed weight.

Then I do cry. The tears trip me up and I remember too clearly the worst of times. Ringing the crisis line, the 999 ambulance trips in the wee small hours, the admission one time with sepsis. How he struggled with gastric secretions which kept worsening as his cancer grew exponentially.

Ach, I doubt myself constantly. Ought into dwell on these times and bawl my eyes out or try to take joy in living as he wanted me to? I worry I’m doing this ‘wrong’.

I’ve agreed to the MacMillan suggestion of counselling. I’ve been told what I went through for ten months is known as ‘anticipatory grief’. My nerves were shredded, my anxiety was off the Richter scale. I feared the end as I watched and indeed witnessed signs of it. My heart was breaking, before it finally, finally broke completely just over 3 weeks ago.

Apologies for this lengthy outpouring of my emotions. I feel unmoored and hollowed out. I can only think that time is a great healer and I must trust and be patient. And kind to myself.

Himself would approve of that part, of this I do have certainty.
💔

Lovely day here too. Lots of work done in the front garden but not much else. Our WI were not concerned about the new forms but we feel the Charity Commission have pushed the WI into their decision. As I understand it, the WI cannot afford to challenge in court.

FGT glad you had a better day. Chair yoga sounds good. I do sit fit which is about all I can manage these days.
If you need to cry please don’t try and hold it back. Let the tears come. Grief tears are not the same as ordinary tears. They are chemically different and allow release of emotions. Whilst the pain itself can be exhausting I have found crying actually gives me some relief after. I cried every day for more than a year but not as much now. The tears still come when something catches me out but that’s ok.
Sending a big hug dear Urms. Those of us who had someone really special are lucky

Hi kitchen pals, it’s been a lovely sunny day here but very windy, I opened the car door and it almost flew away, hopefully better tomorrow
I’ve been busy at the gym, coffee with friends and then a walk into town with another lady from the gym. I’ve not done much this evening as I fell asleep on the sofa 😴
Hope your pain eases a bit soon dragonfly
Thinking of all our friends in the quiet corner, take care all x

Nice to see you sounding so +ve, urms. Obviously a good day.

Sunny here too eventually.
I had long phone calls with my brother and a close friend who’s just back from Barbados, shorter call with my 92 year old Uncle.
Sounds awful dragonfly but you’ll get there 👍.
Smashing pictures Blossoming.
GrannySomerset I have that soon, my teeth are lousy, recover well.
Off to watch Masterchef, there is a local chap in it.

‘Evening All’

As you say uttb a gloriously sunny day up here in our corner of England! I had my hair cut & highlighted today and was pleased with the result. Grey just has me looking washed out. I was pleased too when my hairdresser commented she could see I’ve plenty of new hair growing through. Stress over these past few months had me shedding hair at a most alarming rate when shampooing.

I enjoyed a lovely long chat this afternoon with a friend so all in all, a Good Day.

Now cosying down to watch some more ‘The Other Bennet Sister’ on BBC iPlayer which I’m loving. Drama at its best and with Richard E. Grant and Ruth Jones (Nessa, from Gavin and Stacey fame) it’s a stellar cast.

Good evening kitchen folk. GrannySomerset I hope you are taking painkillers. Redcar likewise!
Today went well. It didn't start off well because dgs2 was in a very bad mood and took it out on dd. However by the time he was at my house, he was ok. I fed them breakfast then dropped them off at school/nursery. Then home where i did a wash, loaded and ran the dishwasher and made a chilli. I cleaned the bathroom sink too. Rhen i did half an hour of span7sh. The boys were well behaved when I picked them up and spent an hour and a half playing at football (dgs1) and with the trainset(dgs2) as well as eating me out of house and home. I dropped them home then came back to hoover and tidy away all the toys. I've had some chilli and I'll have a drink of juice before an early night. Enjoy your evening all.

Am recovering from having a back tooth removed by going to WI in the hope that I will be distracted from the ache in my face - feeling distinctly sorry for myself so need to escape. Beautiful day today and the forecast for the next two or three days is good so may brave the garden tomorrow.

blossoming thank you for your concern, but fortunately the injury is a minor one, just looked worse than it is. It’s not a deep cut, just a flap of skin. I’ve kept it covered to keep it clean. I’ve had the rollator 4 years now, I was pushing it up the kerb and was obviously too close to it. I used it today and can’t really see how I could have injured myself on it!

dragonfly sorry you’re still in such pain and hope you’ll soon be able to sit up, lying down all the time is very tedious isn’t it?

I saw my dementia friend this afternoon, she was just staring into space, not speaking at all.
I finally got to the churchyard with flowers for my DH’s birthday. Also vacuumed the stairs and bedrooms, several days after I’d intended to do it.

Scampi and chips for dinner because I can’t think of anything else to cook, despite the freezer being full!

Thinking of those in the quiet corner.

Yes Redcar get your rollator checked, it shouldn’t be biting back.

We have had the most glorious day here today.
Sun most of the day and high temperatures.
My GD put her washing out on the line for the first day this year, it was dry in no time.
Their flight was delayed by 3 hours last evening ,fortunately we are only about 20 minutes from Manchester airport,they were very tired but had enjoyed their break.
I got a clean bill of health from the Dentist so a good day.
A cheap and cheerful meal of corned beef hash for me, Idont know why I economise at my age but Ido enjoy simple meals.
Another good day forecast for tomorrow, I hope many of you can enjoy it.

That sounds bad Redcar, I hope it doesn’t need stitching. Perhaps you should ask someone to look at your rollator, it shouldn’t be injuring you.

Sorry you’re in pain from your fall Dragonfly, hope you feel better soon.

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202603/medium-8k6ee0-img-2233.jpeg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202603/medium-driq11-img-2238.jpeg

Good afternoon kitchen friends. I have had a lovely day, MrB and I went to Lytham for some fresh sea air then enjoyed some naughty pork pies for lunch. We had another walk around the Dock this afternoon as it’s too beautiful a day to waste. Shepherds pie for tea, one of my favourites, I am truly spoilt . I should sleep well tonight! TOYA xx

Sorry that you are still in so much pain Dragonfly. I do hope you are more comfortable very soon.
We cleaned the greenhouse yesterday - it was green with algae. Today I have washed pots and trays ready for seed sowing. It’s that time of year! Tomorrow the gardener is coming for the first session of the year. Our front garden has a laurel hedge with has grown about 3 feet into the garden over the last few months. The birds always ignore it, so she can give it a serious haircut tomorrow. I shall be gently removing sycamore seedlings! The bed is raised, so no bending thank goodness.
I’m glad you enjoyed the yoga FGT and I hope you can keep it up. I’ve just seen the weather forecast! 😎😎🌝
Goodnight everyone.

Good evening.
My gardener came today and thanks to her the garden is a picture.
I spent most often of the day lying on my bed as it is the only place I am not in pain.
It is very frustrating as I keep thinking of all the things that need doing.

My thoughts are with the soops and those in the quiet corner.

Hello everyone.
I joined a chair yoga class last August, it’s only once a fortnight but is enjoyable. We have 45 minutes of yoga followed by 30 minutes or so of coffee and chatting. I try to go for a walk most mornings, round the local recreation ground and meet lots of ladies walking their dogs. It’s nice to get some fresh air.

I’d intended to take some flowers to my DH’s grave today as it was his birthday. Unfortunately I cut my leg on the rollator and had to abandon the plan as it was bleeding a lot! I’ll try again tomorrow.

Hoping that the soops are keeping warm and dry in this changeable weather.

Thinking of all those in the quiet corner.

Night night everyone, sleep well.

Hello kitchen people.

Good thinking FGT! A friend who is in a similar position to you (her OH died after a long illness just before Christmas) was bought a dog by her elder son to keep her company! She is enamoured of it and gives her a reason to go out every day. I think it’s three quarters poodle and one quarter spaniel.

I had the last meeting of my diabetes prevention group today. OH has had an invitation too but hasn’t been given a start date.

I watched the final three Other Bennet Sister episodes tonight. When are the remaining episodes on! Not bad at all - isn’t Caroline Bingley awful? I’ve read the book and I think a lot has been left out.

Have a good evening. Love to the Soops.

Oops! BBC iPlayer not Ch.4
(That’s Woman of Substance with Brenda Blethyn a great actress but I don’t fancy it - anyone enjoying it?).

‘Evening All’

I’m not long home from enjoying wine with my lovely neighbours next door but two - just along the decking. I’m in my pjs now and am settling down to watch the Channel 4 drama The Other Bennet Girl (or whatever the title is) as it gets rave reviews.

I went to Chair Yoga this afternoon for the first time and enjoyed it. £2 on the door at the library downstairs, for 45 minutes. The yoga teacher (Scottish lady) is lovely and I will definitely try to go regularly!

I thought it’d do me good to try something new on my own and see how I go. Try a few things if I don’t like them I won’t go again.

Good evening Kitchen friends. Had a busy morning as I had to see my GP, more blood tests related to my CKD and a new prescription for psoriasis which has decided to flare up. MrB and I still managed to fit in a dockside walk and some birdwatching. Feeling warm and sleepy, wishing you a peaceful night. TOYA xx

Grannmarie family do help so much 💐
I too miss Victoria on a Monday evening, but quite like Clive 🙂
A quiet day on the voluntary phone, but I had a slightly upset tum, good job I didn’t venture far.
Hope the soops are cocooned in comfort and Baggs is well.