Poor result of slightly pathetic complaint

Had the waiter come and asked if you required anything else you would no doubt have thought you were being hassled to leave.

Perhaps you got out of bed the wrong side that morning.

Smileless2012

^What would have worked better do you think?^ not being unnecessarily confrontational with the waiter.

I agree!

I wonder if part of what happened here is a mismatch in service expectations. In many UK cafés, especially those we enjoy for their more relaxed approach, staff tend not to interrupt customers who are sitting quietly with a book. An open book plus one ordered coffee often reads as “I’m settled for a while and don’t want to be disturbed.” In that context, being left alone can actually be intended as polite.

That’s quite different from a more American-style service model, where staff are where staff are trained to check back frequently and actively upsell and move customers on. In the UK, unless it’s a full table-service restaurant, it’s often on the customer to signal clearly when they want something else. Eye contact, a small raised hand, or even popping up to the counter is completely normal and not considered rude.

I also think the wording you chose, while meant lightly, probably landed harder than intended. Even said with a smile, “I know I’m a woman of a certain age and therefore invisible” carries an implied accusation of ageism or sexism. That can put someone on the defensive very quickly, especially if they genuinely thought they were being considerate by leaving you undisturbed.

If the goal was simply to get attention and order more, something very neutral like “Excuse me, could I order some food as well?” would likely have worked without creating tension. If the goal was to gently nudge awareness, that’s understandable. But strangers rarely respond well to feeling corrected, especially in a work setting.

It may just have been crossed wires rather than anyone being inconsiderate. Sometimes the simplest, most direct approach is the most effective.

If it had been me I would have said something like 'I'll have a coffee to start,' or 'I'll start with a coffee while I'm thinking about what else to have,'
I don't think I have even done this in a cafe anyway, that I can remember.
Also, after not getting attention I would have just gone over to the counter...
Being rude to waiting staff just isn't in my playbook.

What would have worked better do you think? not being unnecessarily confrontational with the waiter.

Aveline

My suspicion is that the OP didn't actually say what she says she said. She most likely just thought it and thought that she'd get lots of agreement on here. Oh dear!

Suspect we all think of»clever» responses after the event!

I would have ordered my coffee and cake at the same time, or if the cake was an afterthought, like others I would have gone up to the counter and asked there.

I’m also pretty sure your burying your nose in a book indicated you wanted to be left alone.

Honestly, Passiflora I really don’t think you were deliberately ignored!

Don’t worry, we all feel a bit invisible sometimes, am sure, and no matter that others have dismissed your complaint, it is how you felt that is important, and you felt ignored, which isn’t a nice feeling even if it perhaps wasn’t altogether justified.
The book was the problem, quite often solo customers will take a book to avoid unwanted contact, next time don’t read the book if you want something else, as has been said make every effort to catch the eye of a member of staff, waving usually works if I feel staff are still not seeing me.

If I want to make a further order. I look alert, catch the waiter'/sresse's eye and ask them for what I wanr.

I have worked as a waitress, if someone orders coffee and buries their nose in a book, I assume they ar esignalling that they do not want to be left alone.

Remember in this new world of Working From Home, a lot of people of varying genders and ages, order a coffee, open their computer and then work fr a couple of hours, without ordering anything else.

I never feel invisible, but this post explains why so many people think they are.

Really? 🤔

Far from being invisible, I find white hair and a friendly smile brings a "Can I help" response.

nexus63

not a nice thing to do to the waiter, he is not a mind reader, if you wanted something else, you could have got up and walked over to the waiter or counter and asked, i have gone in to cafes for a cuppa, hate coffee shops as i don't like the smell of coffee, half way through the tea and sometimes i fancy something to eat, i go to the counter.

Me too. Why hassle? Just go over with a smile and ask. Or was it what you just felt and didn't say?

I recommend Costa next time. You couldn't get more friendly than ours, and of course you just wander over if you want something to eat.

My suspicion is that the OP didn't actually say what she says she said. She most likely just thought it and thought that she'd get lots of agreement on here. Oh dear!

I normally get really good service from the cafes I use .
I rotate them .
On Saturday ,I was asked to test some new patisserie in one and advice on attracting more customers.
It could be because I always engage with the people serving .

Madgran77

I dont understand why you didnt just attract attention when you wanted more service! If you were reading I imagine tge waiter didnt like to disturb you. And your comment seems unfair and makes such an assumptiin so Im not surprised at his reaction really!

I agree with this.

I dont understand why you didnt just attract attention when you wanted more service! If you were reading I imagine tge waiter didnt like to disturb you. And your comment seems unfair and makes such an assumptiin so Im not surprised at his reaction really!

Does this happen to you a lot?
How do you normally deal with it?

Aveline, you have said exactly what I was going to write; a good waiter watches to see if customers require extra service. Many cafes now say order at the counter, which at least is clear.
A good cafe relies on its staff and its products equally to make money and create a good business. The ones I patronise all do this, and they are thriving.

If you appeared to be engrossed in your book I’m not surprised that the staff left you ‘in peace’.
Why didn’t you order the pastry at the same time as ordering your coffee?
Your comment about being a ‘woman of a certain age and therefore invisible’ was unnecessary and probably caught the waiter totally off guard, little wonder that he brought the second coffee and beat a hasty retreat…….he was probably fearful of your next move!

However, a good waiter or even a half trained one should have been keeping an eye on her and checking in on her to see if she'd like anything else. Cafes are in business and need to make money. I suspect if the owner had ben there she'd have had better service.

I think you were very rude/sarcastic to the waiter and would be better off making your own coffee at home, they are not mind readers if you want something else, you catch their attention and then ask, ….. not say nothing for 40 minutes with your head in a book, and then complain.

I would stay on home territory and make the coffee myself.

This avoids A. being ignored in a public place, trendy or not, and B. not (probably) paying way over the odds for a Trendy Coffee.

Plus, I can plonk my feet up on the settee. Nice.

CrazyH said what I would do. Therefore be vocal let yourself be heard so you won't be invisible.

not a nice thing to do to the waiter, he is not a mind reader, if you wanted something else, you could have got up and walked over to the waiter or counter and asked, i have gone in to cafes for a cuppa, hate coffee shops as i don't like the smell of coffee, half way through the tea and sometimes i fancy something to eat, i go to the counter.

I always say ‘excuse me’ , loud enough for one of the waiters to hear