Poor result of slightly pathetic complaint

Anyone who has worked in this sort of setting knows that any form of sarcasm or criticism, however pleasantly framed, will not go down well with waiting staff. They will be used to dealing with more awkward customers than you can imagine and you will just be added to the list. A smile and a pleasant request is all it takes.

Yes, white hair, smile, ask after then, express gratitude, bright but not OTT colours, gets a long way. not trying to be younger, but to try and be valued. And often you are.

Boz

I never feel ignored,
Mind you, I can ooze the charm and wear bright colours. I, like a lot of elderly, tip well.

When I was working I needed to acuire the skill of getting blood from stones. I became quite good at it.

This skill has never left me. I too wear bright colours. Working in a male environmant, there is a lot to be said for not blending in. And, if I do not exactly ooze charm, I am good at chatting people up.

I never feel ignored,
Mind you, I can ooze the charm and wear bright colours. I, like a lot of elderly, tip well.

On gransnet you have to take the rough with the smooth as the saying goes. Some replies will agree with you and some won't. Some will put their opinion nicely and others may be a bit harsher. It's what happens when you ask for advice. You don't have to take it.

Passiflora

Thank you kindly MONICA. I will let all this go now. Unlikely to try and discuss anything again on gransnet.

"Discuss" means just that. You asked for suggestions,not agreement. My suggestion, as others have said, is to catch the waiter's eye, maybe raise your hand slightly or an excuse me when one passes by. You'd have got your cake, maybe you'd have been a bit miffed, but that's all. I hope you enjoyed the cake!

My doctor has a sign hanging in his office which everybody loves. It's a 19th century quote:

"Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always."

Just waive them over when you want something else without the sarcasm. I’m of a certain age - old! But I don’t bring any attention to it.

What you said ‘with a smile’ was passive aggressive. No wonder it didn’t go well. Next time just speak up!

His face hardened and reddened with what looked like anger
He was probably embarrassed.

Anyway, you know not to go there again.

Thank you kindly MONICA. I will let all this go now. Unlikely to try and discuss anything again on gransnet.

Your comment was ridiculous and says more about you than about your perceived poor service. Nothing was stopping you from politely calling for attention or waving to draw someone’s attention.

Given the criticism you have received, passiflora you have been very brave to come back and dealwith the criticism. I am sure that in fact that you are more than capapble of dealing with awkward staff, but just lack the confidence.

It sounds made up or belated wishful thinking. Or it was a daft way to go about getting some service in a cafe. You choose.

The idea that I didn't actually say it seems odd. Why would I make that up. It is what I said.

I had been shown to my seat by a waitress who implied she would be back.

The counter was only for takeaway.

I explained that I was not buried in my book but trying to attract attention. That is a complete travesty of what I said bluebelle and has influenced many replies.

I am rarely on my own in this sort of situation and found being ignored difficult.

Thank you Daisy ann returns and fallingstar for rational and kindly responses. I take your points.

I also accept passive aggression is not helpful. That's more or less what I was trying to think about. I assume very few of you feel invisible. I don't know what honey I could have used and anyway I didn't think I was being treated well.

I once went to a restaurant for dinner with my cousin and his wife. We were given menus, and after 40 minutes no one had come yet to take our order! We didn't mind all that much, because we were engaged in an interesting conversation, but finally enough was enough.

When the waitress came sailing by, my cousin politely said, "Excuse me, we've been waiting 40 minutes. Is anyone ever going to take our order?"

The waitress looked horrified, took our order and apologized profusely, and they gave us a free dessert as their penitence.

Sometimes you just slip through the cracks. Isn't there an old saying about catching more flies with honey than vinegar?

Sorry, I read it as "he barely listened to what I wanted " as he was "some sort of fruited Danish".

For me the title of this thread says it all.
Poor result of slightly pathetic complaint Passive aggression or what?

Said gently and smiling...."I know I'm a woman of a certain age...." - at which point the waiter probably thought you were about to hit on him and reddened with embarrassment.

I used to work in cafes and restaurants years ago, and it's amazing just how many customers only ask for a drink, then decide they want food, but sit there forever ''being ignored'' by the staff.

No, the waiters weren't ignoring you because you're a woman of a certain age and invisible, but because they're not mind readers, and you didn't tell them later that you wanted another drink and some food.

Why sit there a whopping 40 minutes before calling them over or walking to the till?

The shop might not have been very full and 2 waiters, but they don't just wait on the tables, they have various jobs to do behind the tills and in the back, such as preparing the drinks and food, cleaning, re-stocking goods, dealing with awkward customers.... etc.

It also depends how busy it is. If it was very busy as it was breakfast time the waiter would have been serving elsewhere and glad to leave you alone happily reading your book and drinking your coffee or so he thought. Occasionally we have had a waiter”forget” us so we just call them over or “grab” them as they go by and ask them politely to take our order. Usually they are very apologetic but then we ask them politely.

I wouldn't have given the poor man a lecture for a start, and if it wasn't busy and they didn't see you gesture or hear you call out nicely, perhaps the music was too loud for them to hear?

"What would have worked better?" Well not using the dreadful preamble about being of a certain age and invisible. You have no idea if that was the waiter's perception you're making an assumption, no wonder he was angry, You say you had a book open, sometimes in cafes, staff don't pressurise customers if they look preoccupied and if the place isn't busy. GN had a thread recently about people working on laptops, often just buying one coffee. Quite honestly people can hang around in cafes for ages not always buying much. In your situation, if I couldn't catch a waiter's eye, I'd have gone up to the counter to ask for something else, I probably have done that sometimes, it's not really a big deal.

mae13

I would stay on home territory and make the coffee myself.

This avoids A. being ignored in a public place, trendy or not, and B. not (probably) paying way over the odds for a Trendy Coffee.

Plus, I can plonk my feet up on the settee. Nice.

😂