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Awkward guests.

(124 Posts)
Usedtobeblonde Mon 09-Mar-26 13:20:20

A friend I see regularly invited a friend of hers to come and stay for a week.
She has not seen this friend for several years but they talk regularly on the phone.
They are both very late 80’s.
Neither of them enjoy good health.
I did say tentatively that a week is a long time.
I think 3 nights is more than enough, however logistics dictated a week as she had to be fetched and taken home.
My friend was preparing a meal for the first evening when she announced she only ate fish now, no puddings and no chocolate.
She also specified which fish she preferred, all expensive.
I have spoken to M this morning and she is worn out firstly from cooking and secondly from having to shop when she had mostly bought in.
Said friend also didn’t want to eat out.
Don’t you think like me this should all have been said when the invitation was accepted and arrangements made?

Sarahr Thu 26-Mar-26 13:36:25

My sympathy for the hostess. We have had my single cousin to stay the last couple of years. The first time she came 'up north' she stayed in an hotel in the village. The next year she stayed with us. Was rather trying but we welcomed her again last year. Such hard work. She wouldn't come out for our morning walks, didn't wash, apart from the first morning when I folded the bed settee up to show her how it worked, she left it in bed mode. She is a very unhealthy eater, always eating sweets so not hungry at mealtimes.
DH wont have her to stay again and I agree. If she wants to visit this year she will have to stay in the hotel. We will hide the bed settee in my shed. Our other settee is a small two seater.

Basgetti Sun 22-Mar-26 13:02:01

Missed that, Allira. Der 😁

Dontcallmelove Fri 20-Mar-26 23:09:10

Usedtobeblonde

I have since seen my friend and in fact the visitor did pay for two lots of fish, but not the expensive ones she said she preferred.
On the last evening when my friend had arranged to go out to eat, Italian, so plenty of choice, visitor decided late afternoon she didn’t want to go so my friend said the only fish she had in her freezer were Chunky Fish Fingers, visitor was delighted and asked for Fish Finger sandwiches, my friend grilled herself a Pork chop.
One other point,not on the subject of food but my friend had been led to believe that money was tight.
Her H had not left her in a good financial situation.She then told my friend that she pays £40 an hour for her gardener and her drive was newly done with a beautiful finish.
It led me to think that she was happy to be picked up and taken back rather than pay train fares.
I did not say that to my friend.

How awful for your friend to be taken advantage of like that. Hopefully this dreadful woman never visits her again.

Desdemona Fri 20-Mar-26 19:59:56

Don't invite anyone to stay overnight in your house.

Job's a gund un!!

Magenta8 Fri 20-Mar-26 18:31:24

Allira

^I cant be bothered with fussy eaters.^

No sympathy for those with coeliac disease, or a nut allergy or lactose intolerance then?

friendlygingercat Nor people who tailor their diets for religious reasons or reasons of conscience?

Allira Fri 20-Mar-26 16:38:36

I cant be bothered with fussy eaters.

No sympathy for those with coeliac disease, or a nut allergy or lactose intolerance then?

friendlygingercat Fri 20-Mar-26 15:39:41

I cant be bothered with fussy eaters. This brings to mind one holiday in Paris many years ago. Veggies were not then catered for or trendy especially abroad. I was one of a party of four, two of whom were not my friends. They had just tagged on. We were in a square lined with restaurants and all very hungry. We walked from one to another and of course it was muggins here as the only French speaker who had to do all the translating. One had announced she was a veggie and was complaining there was nothing "exciting" for her to eat. Eventually I became so impatient with her I said I was going into the nearest restaurant, and advised her to go to McDonalds. I believe she did. My friend came with me.

That was not the only time I left them to their own devices.

Allira Fri 20-Mar-26 15:38:07

Susiewong65

HelterSkelter1

Goodness fish every night. Is she a mermaid?

Hilarious, nearly spat my tea out!

😂

I have it on good authority that mermaids, being part fish, eat mainly a vegetarian diet but, if feeling extra hungry, an occasional sailor.

Allira Fri 20-Mar-26 15:33:23

Doodledog

MT62

Who foots the bill for all that DD?

I think you need to ask Allira grin.

At least you got it, Doodledog 😁

Where's that banging-head-against-wall emoji?

Allira Fri 20-Mar-26 15:31:19

Basgetti

“Allira

Doodledog
I always ask about food preferences when cooking for others. Sometimes a little thing such as leaving out coriander and serving it in a bowl for those who like it to add to their meal can make the difference between something a guest would love or hate.

I do think that when someone is on a restricted diet they should warn their hosts though. I have a well stocked freezer, but don’t keep fish in it, as neither of us eats it - I’d be stumped if a guest expected me to cook fish for a week😯. I’m not sure I know how.
Waitrose fish pie, Tesco Finest fish pie, Charlie Bigham fish pie or haddock gratin or salmon en croute.
That's five days.
Salmon and brocoli with new potatoes.

The chippie on Friday.

Ta da!! Sorted!!”

That would be really expensive (assuming the fusspot would want to eat ready-meals for a week).

Joke alert. As already explained thread.

🤷‍♀️

Basgetti Fri 20-Mar-26 14:07:01

“Allira

Doodledog
I always ask about food preferences when cooking for others. Sometimes a little thing such as leaving out coriander and serving it in a bowl for those who like it to add to their meal can make the difference between something a guest would love or hate.

I do think that when someone is on a restricted diet they should warn their hosts though. I have a well stocked freezer, but don’t keep fish in it, as neither of us eats it - I’d be stumped if a guest expected me to cook fish for a week😯. I’m not sure I know how.
Waitrose fish pie, Tesco Finest fish pie, Charlie Bigham fish pie or haddock gratin or salmon en croute.
That's five days.
Salmon and brocoli with new potatoes.

The chippie on Friday.

Ta da!! Sorted!!”

That would be really expensive (assuming the fusspot would want to eat ready-meals for a week).

Usedtobeblonde Fri 20-Mar-26 13:41:39

I have since seen my friend and in fact the visitor did pay for two lots of fish, but not the expensive ones she said she preferred.
On the last evening when my friend had arranged to go out to eat, Italian, so plenty of choice, visitor decided late afternoon she didn’t want to go so my friend said the only fish she had in her freezer were Chunky Fish Fingers, visitor was delighted and asked for Fish Finger sandwiches, my friend grilled herself a Pork chop.
One other point,not on the subject of food but my friend had been led to believe that money was tight.
Her H had not left her in a good financial situation.She then told my friend that she pays £40 an hour for her gardener and her drive was newly done with a beautiful finish.
It led me to think that she was happy to be picked up and taken back rather than pay train fares.
I did not say that to my friend.

Magenta8 Fri 20-Mar-26 13:16:45

Talking of fish. I was once the dinner guest from hell.

A woman I didn't know too well invited me to dinner. I immediately pointed out that I was a vegetarian and asked if she minded preparing something meat free. She replied that one of the other guests was vegetarian and that she understood "the rules." She was going to try out a vegetarian recipe.

You probably have guessed by now where this is going. We all sat down at the table and the hostess brought in a dish of salmon en croute. I didn't say anything as I thought this must be for the non-vegetarians but then she handed me a plate with salmon on it. I apologised and said I didn't eat fish and she said "I thought you said you were vegetarian not vegan." Her 'vegetarian' friend then piped up "I'm a vegetarian and I eat fish." She then gave me a lecture on definitions that left me wondering about my sanity.

The rest of the evening was rather frosty. I just ate the vegetables and the pudding and left as soon as I could.

Cabbie21 Fri 20-Mar-26 09:16:52

The visitor is well enough to undertake a journey ( albeit thanks to a lift) and to live away from home for a week, so I would not see her age as any excuse for rudeness and ingratitude, which is what her expectations amount to.
People can be rude and presumptuous at any age.

Dontcallmelove Wed 18-Mar-26 08:47:08

nadateturbe

nadateturbe

Dontcallmelove

nadateturbe

I think given her age, the guest could be forgiven for not giving advance warning of diet needs.

Age is no excuse for bad manners.

No, but it can be a reason for not thinking as well as one used to. For goodness sake, she's over 80!

In fact late 80s!

As is the hostess, but many are blaming her for not asking. Why does the guest’s age give her carte blanche to be rude? It’s one thing to forget to tell someone you’re visiting that your diet has changed, quite different to expect them to go to the trouble and expense of meeting your needs. Yes, some people do become more selfish as they get older, but it is still rude.

watermeadow Sun 15-Mar-26 20:06:57

I have an old friend who keeps asking to visit and I keep ignoring her hints. We were school friends but have nothing in common now. She’s vegan and gluten-free. She needs her bedroom heated plus hot water bottles and layers of bedding. She doesn’t like pets and I have three. She goes to bed at midnight and gets up very late while I’m very early to bed and getting up. She wants to be out and about the whole day.
Her past visits have left me exhausted.
I feel guilty but do not want to ever see her again.

nanna8 Sat 14-Mar-26 20:45:26

I think I would suddenly get an ‘infectious disease’ and ask them to leave ! 😀

nadateturbe Sat 14-Mar-26 20:16:45

nadateturbe

Dontcallmelove

nadateturbe

I think given her age, the guest could be forgiven for not giving advance warning of diet needs.

Age is no excuse for bad manners.

No, but it can be a reason for not thinking as well as one used to. For goodness sake, she's over 80!

In fact late 80s!

nadateturbe Sat 14-Mar-26 20:16:01

Dontcallmelove

nadateturbe

I think given her age, the guest could be forgiven for not giving advance warning of diet needs.

Age is no excuse for bad manners.

No, but it can be a reason for not thinking as well as one used to. For goodness sake, she's over 80!

Allira Fri 13-Mar-26 20:23:57

butterandjam I think we were misunderstood!

Cue for song:
"Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood" 🎵🎶🎶

butterandjam Fri 13-Mar-26 20:17:49

Dizzyribs

@ButterandJam and @Allira you obviously live in different circles to me and have great pensions. I’m reasonably comfortable, I can afford treats and occasional holidays, but sending out the laundry and buying a week of readymade meals for two (especially Charlie Bingham and Waitrose) on top of the breakfasts and lunches just won’t fit into my budget. An odd day maybe, but not a full week.

My suggestion was to Brandygran who finds the laundry tiring after a stay by 2 adult and 3 teenage guests. To send a king bed and 3 singles bedlinen to a laundry, costs less than taking that gang out for pizza.

Allira Fri 13-Mar-26 11:05:30

knspol

Very bad mannered of so called friend to wait until last minute to announce dietary needs (?). When she said this it would have been a good opportunity to say that shopping and cooking had already been done and too expensive to shell out more money to re shop and cook so she could either eat what had been planned or else it would all go to waste.
As it is now you're going to have to put up with this and take good advice from Allira and buy in ready meals. Good luck .

It was a jokey response to Doodledog who said she would be stumped if a guest expected her to cook fish every day for a week. 😁

I should have added 'sardines on toast' when completely stumped!!

Allira Fri 13-Mar-26 10:58:41

Dizzyribs

@ButterandJam and @Allira you obviously live in different circles to me and have great pensions. I’m reasonably comfortable, I can afford treats and occasional holidays, but sending out the laundry and buying a week of readymade meals for two (especially Charlie Bingham and Waitrose) on top of the breakfasts and lunches just won’t fit into my budget. An odd day maybe, but not a full week.

Sending out the laundry?
I never said anything about that!
An odd day maybe, but not a full week.
Nor do we eat Charlie Bigham or Waitrose readymade meals every night - whatever gave you that idea? If they are on offer (£7.75) I'll buy one and that often works out cheaper than cooking from scratch.

I think you misread my post and wonder why?

I'm so glad you can afford holidays, we haven't had one for six years now.

Dizzyribs Fri 13-Mar-26 09:23:02

@ButterandJam and @Allira you obviously live in different circles to me and have great pensions. I’m reasonably comfortable, I can afford treats and occasional holidays, but sending out the laundry and buying a week of readymade meals for two (especially Charlie Bingham and Waitrose) on top of the breakfasts and lunches just won’t fit into my budget. An odd day maybe, but not a full week.

Grammaretto Wed 11-Mar-26 19:05:43

We took my DDs new school friend on holiday with us to France for 2 weeks.
It was the longest 2 weeks. 😔

She didn't like any of the food and actually was really homesick.

We discovered she liked swimming so went to the pool every day where she would condescend to eat crisps and ice-cream . She and DD fell out too which didn't help.

Your vegan story LadyB reminds me of when a family who had been vegetarian neighbours in England, came to stay with us in Scotland.
At the first meal they announced they were now vegan. Needless to say I didn't invite them again.