Friendships.....do you just let them fade away?

Friends come and go new friends are made I found this out when I retired several years ago . I have friends from 38 years of age up to 72. Once health problems set in as mine have I have to cancel a few times try to rearrange but the younger ones are working and us older ones are retired so find it easier a lot of the time to fit in with them especially when they live in the same village and the younger ones are out of town and one dosent drive, obv we keep in touch but more via text it’s a shame but that’s how it is when you have chronic illness and the younger ones no health problems especially when my illnesses are invisible

Having moved location many times I didn’t keep friendships going from school or University. I’ve got close friends from work who I see a few times a year as we live many miles apart, but I’ve met new friends through my social groups and where I now live. We are very close and share a lot including holidays, meals out and house parties. They most definitely are close friends despite knowing them only for a decade. I think length of time knowing someone is less important than finding people who share your values and sense of fun and are there for you through thick and thin. I know I’m there for them and they are for me - it’s what counts.

Jane43 it's hard when your dearest friends die, I do know.
I still miss mine years later.

I had two very close friends, we met when I was 11, sadly one of them didn’t make it to 70 and the other one died four years ago. My next close friend I met when we both started college together, sadly she died last year. My remaining close friends are both 12 years younger than me, one lives in Wales so we don’t see each other very often, the other one lives locally but her first grandchild was born last year and she visits her in London quite a lot but we meet up regularly and go to the cinema or the theatre together.

Newatthis

I have many long term friends and my New Year resolution was to wait for them to contact me as I have felt, over the years, I have made all contact and effort to visit them (we live many miles apart) Two of these friends have not yet made contact this year but I know they are 'still with us and enjoying life' as I get Facebook notifications. I know that when (and if) I next contact them they will say 'Oh! we haven't heard from you for so long!). I am very reluctant to make the first move!

It can become a game of cat and mouse. We are afraid to appear vulnerable.I have asked people at a regular goup, would they like to meet up? One said she had sufficient friends so no thanks, one we went out twice and now she is joined at the hip by her long standing friend,one never responded. One is busy with her GC. Nuff Said.

It seems to be ‘friendship groups’ with younger people nowadays.

I thought we all just had ‘friends’.

But I realise I too have different ‘groups’ of friends.

One is a few old work colleagues, another is people from church, then the aquacise lot, and then a club I go to.

None of them are best friends as such, just pleasant people.

I have many long term friends and my New Year resolution was to wait for them to contact me as I have felt, over the years, I have made all contact and effort to visit them (we live many miles apart) Two of these friends have not yet made contact this year but I know they are 'still with us and enjoying life' as I get Facebook notifications. I know that when (and if) I next contact them they will say 'Oh! we haven't heard from you for so long!). I am very reluctant to make the first move!

I have 3 friends from childhood. One friend from when our children were at school together. Friends I made throughout life have sometimes just faded away, as I have moved a lot. Others were influenced by my ex who could convince you an apple was an orange and orange was green. Those were obviously not the good friends I thought they were. I have one new friend who I met a few years ago. We have interests and hobbies in common.
I have joined groups and have acquaintances. They all have their own lives and close family so I am just an outsider.
Life sucks sometimes

Unfortunately, when my husband (now deceased) and I moved a long way away, we found it harder for everyone to visit and gradually we all drifted apart. At nearly 91 I have now outlived everyone of my close friends and just have a friendly neighbour, we meet up at least once a week for a chat and occasional film night. I am quite shy and find it difficult to go out to find more friends.

There’s a saying , friends are for a reason , a season or for life . Which is very apt .
I have 3 friends from secondary school , we met aged 11 and still meet up once or twice a year .
I also have 2 friends from college , one I see 3-4 times a year . The other lives abroad and I saw her last year after a 10 year gap .
I have 4 good friends who live locally and see regularly and several pub friends from our local .
I’ve always worked and I think it’s harder to make mum friends when you’re rarely at the school gates . And you don’t have much free time for Pilates , yoga etc . One of my friends was a sahm and she has a huge circle of friends, she’s always out , coffee , lunch etc. I think not working , she had the time to cultivate friends.
I’m lucky I’m close to my sister , there’s 18 months between us and we’re friends as well as sisters .

I think I may have clung on to some friendships too long, people like neighbours who had moved away, and old work colleagues that I'd kept in touch with.
It started with a culling of the very long Christmas card list, mainly because the cost of cards and stamps was becoming silly.

I noticed too that others weren't sending cards, so links were broken. In many ways it's a relief, much as I liked these people, I rarely saw them. I retain fond memories.

I tend to be very busy with online communication too and I sometimes think it's all too much when often so much time is spent in replying to messages or adding to an on-going conversation. Phones and computers are both a blessing and a curse

I have friends from childhood that I still see and we get together regularly. My friends from student days are still in my life, and we meet up about twice a year, and the group of Mums I knew at the infant school gates decades ago I still lunch with once a month. We are in our late 60s/early 70s now.

I moved to a nearby town 6 yrs ago, and strangely the thought of adding new friends
was a bit daunting. Do we become more self contained as we get older? I am happy making new acquaintances and joining groups but not sure I could cope with or
have the time to properly nurture new friendships. Life is quite busy and OH is a good companion. We do lots together.

I am aware we are getting on and one of us will be alone in this house eventually so I suppose I ought to be making the effort to join groups and get to know a few more people locally. I really don't relish the prospect though, and I have no idea why.

I still drive and I am out and about lots but I prefer not to drive at night so evening events are usually ruled out. Many of the people I know of a similar age say they prefer lunch time activities. Must admit, during winter especially, I really do just want to get comfy and slob out after 7pm. The thought of making the effort to dress up and sort out my hair and face has no appeal. This is putting me off joining the local WI.

Friends are very precious and I am lucky to have some lovely friends in my life. Some do only stay for a season, some have faded away but some are lifelong. Some of my closest friends are not local to me now but we meet several times a year and speak regularly on the phone. I have had a lovely lunch today with someone I met at work when I was 20 and we now live 45 mins by car from each other and regularly meet up once a month. Friends are the family you choose

I had one friend from age 13 to when I was in my 40s. She started to get very jealous of me as she was a single parent on benefits, and my husband and I always worked so had our own home and more money. She borrowed money from me 3 times and never paid me back. Eventually I realised she was just using me for meals out, driving her around etc so I ended the friendship but I did go to her lovely mother's funeral. Last contact was just after we moved to the coast with lots of hints about visiting and looking for a free holiday. I didn't reply.
My best friend now is much nicer and I've known her for 20 years. Not as close as my school friend but a nice caring person. I've never wanted a big circle of friends one or two is fine for me.

Esmay

sixandahalf-
Exactly my thoughts .
I do have old friends ,but since Covid things seem to have changed .
I also wonder about social media .
I've swallowed my pride and am going out with a friend who has behaved badly towards me for some months .
I thought about it and she's been increasingly rude since she had Covid -so maybe that's the cause .
I do think that she has new best frienditis though .

Try ( I know it's hard) to just go along and think bright, cheery thoughts.

Minimum expectations.

sixandahalf-
Exactly my thoughts .
I do have old friends ,but since Covid things seem to have changed .
I also wonder about social media .
I've swallowed my pride and am going out with a friend who has behaved badly towards me for some months .
I thought about it and she's been increasingly rude since she had Covid -so maybe that's the cause .
I do think that she has new best frienditis though .

sparkle1234

cc omg lol , think that's definitely a friend you can do without , terrible behaviour !!!

Yes, I couldn't believe her behaviour at our party and then her conversation with my friends made up my mind. I've known her since I was in my early teens and feel really sad.
I'm not the most gregarious person in the world and don't have many close friends, but I have many recent acquaintances since we moved whom I think may become good friends over time. My new neighbours are kind and we help each other when help is needed.

I still keep in touch with friends from Primary School. I lost my oldestfriend last week...Friends for 67 years since age of 3,neighbours,school and always kept in touch. Very hard lising someone you were a toddler with. My parents were very fond of Billy and I quite can't believe he's gone. We were only 4 days apart in age. My 6 close friends range from knowing each other between 30-50 years through a variety of circumstances. I value them tremendously

Yes Friendships are very special and the different kinds we encounter are something to treasure, some more than others, especially the kind you know you can phone at 4'oclock in the morning, more than a 'fairweather' friend. I do think as we enter our golden years though, friendships become even more precious.

I'm noticing that sixandahalff

Oops, I'm meant I keep my energy for GK's

Having moved a lot as a child and again as an adult friendships have been very short. Still have contact eg Christmas, big family events with 3 from 50,40 years ago. Have quite a number of acquaintances now but feel it's difficult to establish close friendships as most have family around and are involved in their lives.

I realise we have different friendships throughout life. School friends, if either of you move away then most times you lose those friendships. Then what I call those in close proximity or mum's at school gate, then work colleagues, and once you retire you might keep in touch once in a while. I had a couple of really close friends, that again was proximity in my 30's. Both have moved long distances. Problem now is I haven't the energy to travel and not keen on driving distances. The truth is I'm shattered as one friend has gone into a care home with dementia, I cared for her a lot. A sister who is housebound and somewhat demanding. I don't have any energy left and what I do have I keep forgetting my GD's. I don't feel I need to go out lots now but miss.meeting up with a friend to go for a walk and coffee with. So I guess I think that life evolved in that way. Think I'm getting a bit lazy about making new friends. Also (don't mean this to sound horrid) but some people get a bit demanding and not sure I've got the energy anymore.

I think I am right in saying that in the so called " blue zones" where people live a long time, one feature is casual acquaintances. Just a wave, a smile, a low level chat about the garden or the weather.

Fallingstar it's very sad isn't it . I'm so sorry 😞 what a let down people are . Fair weather friends I call them.

cc omg lol , think that's definitely a friend you can do without , terrible behaviour !!!