Flaky Granny

Can you visit them when you feel well enough. If not you cannot help your poor health and I hope you have people locally that do care.

Can you have a check in with them on a regular basis through Facetime? Ask what they are doing, get them to show you any pictures drawn, or songs sung. Tell them one short story from your childhood. Keep it short but cheerful and take an interest in them. They will remember you for making them happy.

Youre not flaky. You are struggling with health issues. GC know if they are important in your life if you tell them. There is a huge difference between being flaky and being unwell. GC should understand that we can have good days and bad days. When you called yourself a "big disappointment", I believe you are saying that you are disappointing yourself. I dont think you are a disappointment to your GC. You are their gran and they will always remember they are special to you even if they cant see you often. Youre still a treasure in their life. Possibly you could write a note to them on your good days and they could write you back?

Perhaps one idea might help. Whilst I know that we all have things like emails and facebook etc , I think it would still be enjoyable to receive letters addressed to you specifically as a child . So depending on how many grandchildren you have , you could set up a correspondence with each child that is special to them. Not expecting them to reply by letter, but be happy to hear back from them by phone or email or whatever.

So the idea is that you think about what they specifically like individually and respond to that. So if one likes steam trains or tractors you might send the odd postcard of a special one, or plan to meet up at a station in the future. Then you let them know what you are doing and send the odd picture of the cake you made or the things in the garden etc., showing them that you are constantly thinking of them , even if you are not able to be there in person. You might collect some seeds from your garden for them to plant in their garden, ask what they are reading and if they belong to any group such as scouts or swimming group etc. Even if they are mad about a particular pop group you might find pictures of them they might like etc. It really does not matter which area is their interest, it is about you developing that relationship with them individually so that when you see each other you have things to catch up on and they know that you care about them and think of them often. I dont know how old your grandchildren are but I do know that getting your own letter or message is still something special especially to a junior age child who will enjoy that personal thing. If your writing is not very clear , even if you type it and then send the typed letter with just love added at the bottom so that they are able to easily read it themselves. You can keep their letters is they send any to you, and I would put a note of the date they arrived on them and a long time in the future they will enjoy reading their own letters and remembering things from years before.

The idea is not to see it as a chore, nor make it a set specific time to write, but when there is something to share or something happening that you want them to know. This way you will be part of their lives, but in a different way to the other granny. When you are able to see them you will be up to date with all their doings and have things to talk about and share. You could make a scrap book for each child , where you make a note about things you did, possibly add their letters to you, add notes about places you visited together etc. Then when they are much older you might be surprised at how much they enjoy looking at them and remembering old friends and things you did together.

As they grow up they will perhaps be able to visit and stay with you for a day or two, or another possibility is that you might do a bit of research and see if you might be able to meet the family on holiday somewhere, perhaps staying bed and breakfast somewhere near them or sharing a holiday cottage or something with them, if money allows.

These days many people live very far away from their families and life is definitely changing for many of us , so that the old ways do not work now. Finding new ways of keeping in touch is the way forward I think. Hopefully something like this will make a bond that will last for years , but even if it does not go that way, you will feel you have made every effort to show them how much you care about them and are part of their lives. You also might do a bit of family research and perhaps write your life story down for them. When we live close by, we hear different tales of the past as we go but they miss the opportunity to hear about your life that way so writing about your own school days and friendships and houses you lived in etc can be of interest in the future to them and give you something that you can enjoy writing about looking back over your own life. Perhaps you might even get in touch with an old friend or two and meet up for coffee or lunch together and enjoy that too. Wishing your all the best

During the enforced separation of Covid lockdowns I missed my grandchildren very much. My 2 youngest grandchildren live 140 miles away and I was used to seeing them at least once a month.

During lockdowns I regularly ordered new books on Amazon. 2 copies with one delivered to me and the other sent directly to my grandchildren. This enabled us to keep up our bedtime sessions.

Their parents bathed them and tucked them into the same bed with the book and set up the iPad at the bedside ready for a video call with me. It was the highlight of my day when that video call arrived and I read to them from my copy of the book.

Depending on the ages of your GC perhaps this is something you could consider between visits? WhatsApp and FaceTime video calls are free and simple to do. It’s a wonderful way to maintain contact.

madeleine45 What a lovely suggestion, to keep in touch by letter. As you say, something they could keep and treasure. At 78 I still enjoy receiving a rare letter or card in the post.

You are not a non-stop disappointment. You are a constant and steady presence in their lives and you will be greatly missed when you have gone.
You have had some great suggestions here- but your first duty is to yourself and caring for your health.
It isn't common these days to allow ourselves to age 'gracefully,' we are expected to be running around, being useful, joining groups for this or that but for some it can't be sustained.
What we have which is incredibly valuable to our families are the memories- the times you have spent together but also all the things you did before family came along- when you were young and the world was a very different place. Tell people about it!
I'm not one for nostalgia per se but I do see the value of sorting out the old stuff, and I am beginning to make on-line photo books to share with family as a tangible record of who I was and what I did. You could aslo write down your memoirs too!
It is really good that you have a friend close by you can share these things with too. Make the most of all those little things and I really hope you will be back to your younger self soon,

I wonder how old your Grandchildren are ? As others on here have already said, if you can't always visit, there are other ways of keeping in touch and showing you care. My Grandchildren used to love receiving their very own special letters through the post especially if they contained a silly rhyme or drawing or even better, stickers.These are the things they will love and remember.
You don't say what your health issues are or if it's just that you fear being ill while you are away visiting them.I hope you can find a way around this.

Being a GP is not a 'job' .....there's no expectations of what you 'should' be doing .. so don't worry about that .
I'm 61 now and became a granny at 50...I found it hard looking after my 3 GDs in my 50s and that was as a pretty fit person.

Thankyou for the suggestions and replies. I will.think about them all.

Please look at the good advice given here and take comfort from the fact that there are many ways to show your commitment to your GC, and yours is as good as any other.
Those of us with GC far away do what we can, and you will, too, no doubt.
I'm in my mid seventies and a new GC is expected soon. He will have the best grandmother I can be, which will not be the football - playing kind!

Send them post cards every so often. Even if all the post card shows in the local duck pond. Children absolutely love getting post.

We live 200 miles from our grandchildren and that is what we did, they still remember, even though they are now grown up.

I do sympathise as I feel exactly the same! I feel a bit unreliable.They are so busy though, they have to cancel meeting up sometimes.
Grandparents do have conflicting advice, encouraged to enjoy later life doing what we like, but expected to still put the family first.

I became a grandmother at age 60.
Then again at 70.

I found being that much older took a toll on my physical and mental health as my energy levels were really low.
I was looking after a toddler at that age and found it draining.

madeleine45

Perhaps one idea might help. Whilst I know that we all have things like emails and facebook etc , I think it would still be enjoyable to receive letters addressed to you specifically as a child . So depending on how many grandchildren you have , you could set up a correspondence with each child that is special to them. Not expecting them to reply by letter, but be happy to hear back from them by phone or email or whatever.

So the idea is that you think about what they specifically like individually and respond to that. So if one likes steam trains or tractors you might send the odd postcard of a special one, or plan to meet up at a station in the future. Then you let them know what you are doing and send the odd picture of the cake you made or the things in the garden etc., showing them that you are constantly thinking of them , even if you are not able to be there in person. You might collect some seeds from your garden for them to plant in their garden, ask what they are reading and if they belong to any group such as scouts or swimming group etc. Even if they are mad about a particular pop group you might find pictures of them they might like etc. It really does not matter which area is their interest, it is about you developing that relationship with them individually so that when you see each other you have things to catch up on and they know that you care about them and think of them often. I dont know how old your grandchildren are but I do know that getting your own letter or message is still something special especially to a junior age child who will enjoy that personal thing. If your writing is not very clear , even if you type it and then send the typed letter with just love added at the bottom so that they are able to easily read it themselves. You can keep their letters is they send any to you, and I would put a note of the date they arrived on them and a long time in the future they will enjoy reading their own letters and remembering things from years before.

The idea is not to see it as a chore, nor make it a set specific time to write, but when there is something to share or something happening that you want them to know. This way you will be part of their lives, but in a different way to the other granny. When you are able to see them you will be up to date with all their doings and have things to talk about and share. You could make a scrap book for each child , where you make a note about things you did, possibly add their letters to you, add notes about places you visited together etc. Then when they are much older you might be surprised at how much they enjoy looking at them and remembering old friends and things you did together.

As they grow up they will perhaps be able to visit and stay with you for a day or two, or another possibility is that you might do a bit of research and see if you might be able to meet the family on holiday somewhere, perhaps staying bed and breakfast somewhere near them or sharing a holiday cottage or something with them, if money allows.

These days many people live very far away from their families and life is definitely changing for many of us , so that the old ways do not work now. Finding new ways of keeping in touch is the way forward I think. Hopefully something like this will make a bond that will last for years , but even if it does not go that way, you will feel you have made every effort to show them how much you care about them and are part of their lives. You also might do a bit of family research and perhaps write your life story down for them. When we live close by, we hear different tales of the past as we go but they miss the opportunity to hear about your life that way so writing about your own school days and friendships and houses you lived in etc can be of interest in the future to them and give you something that you can enjoy writing about looking back over your own life. Perhaps you might even get in touch with an old friend or two and meet up for coffee or lunch together and enjoy that too. Wishing your all the best

Thank you for those lovely ideas ,

M0nica

Send them post cards every so often. Even if all the post card shows in the local duck pond. Children absolutely love getting post.

We live 200 miles from our grandchildren and that is what we did, they still remember, even though they are now grown up.

Excellent suggestion. x

I live within a 5 mile radius of all my 6 GC. I don’t see them as often as I’d like to , the other GPs see them more. But that’s how the cookie crumbles !

my grandkids have always loved getting personal messages from me.

Anything from email, texts, whatsapp, to postcards, written letters in the post, their own birthday/christmas/easter cards.
Now as teens, they text and whatsapp and send me a lot of pics/photos of what they are doing.

IME, the superpower of grandparents is Time. Having the time for a private joke or a message of goodluck with your exam/ scout camp/ . Time to listen, and give them your attention.

crazyH

I live within a 5 mile radius of all my 6 GC. I don’t see them as often as I’d like to , the other GPs see them more. But that’s how the cookie crumbles !

. Perfect distance for a sleepover at granny's. When they are old enough to catch a bus or cycle alone, you are the perfect distance for a solo expedition to visit Granny ; to bake a cake or play dominos watch a film or potter in the garden .

I still adored all my grandparents even the roguish 26 stone , 5’2” Jarrow one who “bunged”us half a dollar - 2shillings and sixpence regularly . Only saw them about twice a year -all characters, none of them ordinary in my eyes . Why do you think I chose Nana for my name ? You will be tempered with love too ! ❤️

There’s some really useful advice by posters I’m a 75yr old nanna with 2 GD’s in their 20’s now and recently was pleasantly surprised to be shown some of the letters I sent my GD’s all those years ago! Their parents have recently downsized and made sure their daughters were given back ALL their ‘stuff’ and amongst it all were found some of my letters! We had a few laughs reading what I had written all those years ago and in return I was able to show them both all the ‘correspondence’ I had received from them all those years ago. I have to add initially I gave them each a shoe box (that they ended up decorating) and in each shoebox was some pretty writing paper, stickers, stationery and I had included envelopes already addressed to me and with a postage stamp attached.
This was before mobiles with cameras were a thing so I would sometimes take a photo (of maybe a cake I’d made) and get it printed to send in my letter to them.
I didn’t get a lot of replies but this ‘link’ was often something to chat about when we spoke on the phone. I have to say how deeply touched I was to find out they had both kept some of my letters to them and some of the enclosures. I sometimes included age appropriate puzzle sheets or a picture suitable for colouring. Ah happy days

I only had one nana and I only saw her around 3 times a year, I loved her as much as I loved my parents so don’t worry.