Does anyone really feign illness to get out of something?

As someone who has health conditions which can flare up at any time with little or no warning, I'd hate to think people believed I was just 'pulling a sickie' if I have to cancel on them at short notice.

I am not looking for absolution or condemnation. I just find it hard to believe that so many people have never pulled a sicky. I have on two occasions. I make no excuses for it.

I have known other people do it on occasion. I have never come across anyone who made a habit of it or anything near a habit.

M0nica

Doodledog

If someone is genuinely ill vice and virtue don’t come into it though. The OP question is about feigning illness to get out of something.

What about pulling a sickie in order to be able to do something?

Isn't that the same thing?

I'm not the voice of morality here . It happens to be something I feel strongly about having worked for so long with the Queen of Sickies, but everyone has their own moral compass and I am not in the business of giving absolution or condemnation to those with different views from mine.

Doodledog

If someone is genuinely ill vice and virtue don’t come into it though. The OP question is about feigning illness to get out of something.

What about pulling a sickie in order to be able to do something?

I once arranged with a university lecturer to give a talk to our local Humanist group . He never turned up and I felt responsible. The lecturer apologised later when we happened to meet. I never forgave him for letting us down simply because he had not taken us seriously enough to remember .

Exactly, Doodledog. Don't say yes in the first place. That was awful for your friend.
Choose situations that do suit your personality.

Minor point - the acquaintance who always says, "we must do lunch sometimes" but never does..but OTOH I now read it as "I'd like to see you but not enough" .

I believe there is also the problem of presenteeism in the work place.

Workers who came into work with a steaming cold or some other highly communicable illness and infected the whole office were a very real problem before Covid 19 as employers did not accept absence from work with just a cold or a touch of diarrhoea or whatever.

I actually had pneumonia when I started one of my jobs and after about a week I had to take time off. From then on my boss insisted that I provided a doctor's certificate every time I was ill. After that I went for years without being ill enough to warrant taking any more time off work but it meant I often struggled into work when I should have stayed at home.

When I broke my right wrist and had to have an operation, the first thing my boss said to me when I phoned in was "That's very inconvenient, you couldn't have chosen a worse time with two staff leaving and the new computer system coming in."

I rarely take on a commitment I can't honour basically anymore. Amongst people I am close to, it is almost always OK to say "I'm sorry I cant do that anymore"

If the person is extremely vulnerable, if they are unable to stop feeling really hurt by it, I'll give reassurance I'll see them soon if possible. Have I ever told a white lie? Yes. There are rare occasions when it feels right to do so.

As regards the King, if the truth is he is unable to go for health reasons, it would be on very eminent doctors advice, wouldn't it? They would make that clear.

BlueBelle

So no one’s ever had a ‘headache’ or feel a bit ‘under the weather’ I fully admit I have I didn’t ever pull a sickie in my work life but I remember pulling out of a dentist check up by ‘feeling unwell’ and also a party once as I was just too shy to go to a be with a lot of strangers so I ‘hurt my ankle’ that morning I remember thinking it would be much worse to be truthful as she would then feel she’d got to babysit me for the evening.
No Doodledog I don’t think either of those occasions let anyone down !

So someone who may have been feeling worried that people wouldn’t turn up, will have spent money per head on the catering, will have planned the invitations and not been able to invite some friends because they had prioritised others doesn’t feel let down when people who say they are coming don’t bother to attend?

Social occasions aren’t compulsory- if you (generic) don’t enjoy them, why accept in the first place?

I really dislike the way many people like to have others do the work of arranging things, pay for premises and food, have the stress of worrying that people won’t show up but then decide on the night whether they want to turn up.

In a large, loose social group I’m in this happens a lot. Organisers are left with tables half filled and angry waiters who had kept them open. Others are left waiting in car parks for those who agreed to attend dog walks, or sit feeling embarrassed in cafes or bars as those who signed up just don’t show.

I think it’s cruel, and the ‘anxiety’ excuse just doesn’t wash. I fully understand anxiety - but why accept or put your name down if you know there is a good chance you won’t be able to make it? Why are the anxious one’s feelings more important than the organisers’?

A friend of mine took her turn at arranging a group night out in a restaurant. She booked for 12, and reminded everyone on the list several times, pointing out that it was a small restaurant and turning people away would cost them money. I went early with her for support. She was so nervous about it in case nobody came, and at least if that happened there were two of us. Nobody arrived on time, and then the texts started. Illness, cars that wouldn’t start etc. The waiter kept asking if we were ready, and we didn’t know. In the end there were five of us instead of the twelve who booked. Of course she was let down.

And then people complain that it’s difficult to make friends as we get older.

Doodledog

If someone is genuinely ill vice and virtue don’t come into it though. The OP question is about feigning illness to get out of something.

Yes, basically coming up with an excuse - tantamount to a lie - about one's health.

But I'm happy if the thread goes off course a bit, as threads do.

Here's the few quotes I took the idea from, though there were a few others too.

Surely they could pretend his health isn’t good enough.

So sorry, King is indisposed

I think it is wrong to use health as an excuse, anytime. But I have seen it happen, and I wondered in general, using KC comments on GN as a starter, what others felt about cancelling arrangements when you could otherwise go.

David49

The OP is joking, seriously if you believe that you are badly inexperienced.

Making excuses to get out of work is rife, favourite now is depression, mental illness, bad back, go to the doctor get signed off without question, its routine HR has to cope with it

Please never, ever, David, so carelessly associate "depression, Mental Illness, unless there is specific evidence, with making excuses not to work.

Mental Health professionals - and people have posted on it - will tell you the absolute crippling effect the severe MH problems have on every aspect of life and family life.

And a psychiatrist can tell the difference between a relatively mild condition and a serious one, and "faking it".

Do you realise what continual association of "Mental Illness" with " get out clauses" means to those who suffer?

There is actually an increase in genuine MH problems, at the same time, facilities have declined beyond recognition to help. Many border line people, with help they would have previously got could work and take part in society.

When I was at school in the 60s we had an English teacher who literally was never there. We were constantly told she had a cold, her children were ill, her son had spots, her daughter had a sore throat. Funnily enough, we used to see them walking the dog or the daughter riding after school quite happily. This went on for about two terms.

So no one’s ever had a ‘headache’ or feel a bit ‘under the weather’ I fully admit I have I didn’t ever pull a sickie in my work life but I remember pulling out of a dentist check up by ‘feeling unwell’ and also a party once as I was just too shy to go to a be with a lot of strangers so I ‘hurt my ankle’ that morning I remember thinking it would be much worse to be truthful as she would then feel she’d got to babysit me for the evening.
No Doodledog I don’t think either of those occasions let anyone down !

I don't need to pretend illnesses, as I have plenty of my own, sadly.

Doodledog

If someone is genuinely ill vice and virtue don’t come into it though. The OP question is about feigning illness to get out of something.

Maybe like Ernest Saunders who was given a 5 year sentence in 1990 for his part in the Guinness shares scandal, was released after 10 months due to being deemed to be in the throes of dementia and subsequently made a full recovery?

Probably the only dementia 'sufferer' ever to do so.

Well, blow me down! He's still alive and kicking today. Not that I think he deliberately hoodwinked the doctors.......

If someone is genuinely ill vice and virtue don’t come into it though. The OP question is about feigning illness to get out of something.

Perhaps, health permitting, the King should attend.

Any state banquet would be a hoot - not to mention a demonstration to Mister Trump of how to do dignity.

Charles would be wearing formal dress with his various honours and regalia and Trump.........would (very likely) be wearing his silly Make America Great Again baseball hat.

Likewise, Queen Camilla will be displaying one of the many magnificent tiara's that come with the job and the title. But the best Melania Trump will be able to come up with is 'Jimmy Choo' 5 inch stiletto's.

Game, set and match to the Windsor's.

Doodledog

Honestly I don’t think it’s ‘virtuous’ in any sort of a self-righteous way, as seems to be being suggested. I hate being messed about, and if I have set aside an evening, shopped and tidied up only to have someone cry off because it’s raining or whatever I don’t like it at all, and I wouldn’t do that to other people.

I had a colleague who regularly took time off with stress, and left me to pick up the stressful situation on top of my own work. It was infuriating.

I don’t think it’s ‘virtuous’ to say so.

But is what you describe what the OP is referring to? I thought the reference to King Charles refers to someone who lets someone know in advance that they cannot do something and uses health problems as the reason.

For example, someone who invites me come and stay for a weekend in a months time and I thank them and say regretfully, I cannot come because I have several key medical appointments. on the Friday and may need several days to recover from the tests I will have.

The virtue is all those who say they have never used sickness as an excuse for taking a day off work. yes, some people do use stress as an excuse, but many more people are genuinely ill with stress and there is nothing indulgent about their being off sick.

When I was younger I sometimes told an older relative that I was not feeling well in order not to have to visit. I feel pretty bad about it now because I am the age they would have been and realise that I am also probably dull as ditch water to younger relatives, so won’t hold it against them if they suddenly develop a bad cold when supposed to be visiting us.

Honestly I don’t think it’s ‘virtuous’ in any sort of a self-righteous way, as seems to be being suggested. I hate being messed about, and if I have set aside an evening, shopped and tidied up only to have someone cry off because it’s raining or whatever I don’t like it at all, and I wouldn’t do that to other people.

I had a colleague who regularly took time off with stress, and left me to pick up the stressful situation on top of my own work. It was infuriating.

I don’t think it’s ‘virtuous’ to say so.

Yes! I pull a sickie at the mention of my snarly DIL!

Aren't you all virtuous. I will admit that on a couple of occasions, not often, but done all the same. I have rung in sick when I wasn't.

I never did it to avoid work, on one occasion, I had run out of leave and had an invitation to a very smart naval ball, the other occcasion I was on an errand of mercy to visit my sick fiance, and my manager refused me leave, for no reason other than because he could, he was like that.

However, I have certainly missed work for stress related symptoms.

The fact that people lie to get out of things shows that they know they should be doing them, and are letting others down by ducking out.

I'm sure we've all felt like staying in instead of sticking to an arrangement before, but the thought that someone else may have juggled things around so they can go, or may have shopped and cooked, or have been looking forward to it should be enough to make us stick to our word. It's very selfish to pull out without good reason, IMO.

I have a very low tolerance of people who cancel at the last minute, and stop inviting them to things or agreeing to go out with them. Obviously not if there is good reason, or if someone has a health condition, but I have more than once dropped people for serial 'not feeling well' excuses.

I can't for a minute imagine KC doing it.

I have no idea about King Charles specifically. Obviously he has been seriously ill.

But people "pull sickies" and feign illness in my place of work all the time.

It annoys me as I would literally have to be incapacitated to do that.

MT62

I’ve got enough going on without adding more illnesses.
Nothing more boring than talking about peoples ailments, (not people who are genuinely ill) but people who drone on how many pills they are taking, how many ops they have had for the attention, especially whilst on holiday.
If they are lying to the Gp, aren’t they shooting themselves in the foot if they have to buy holiday insurance as you have to declare absolutely everything.

Munchausens / factitious disorder is an illness, a compulsion. It is still rare.
Good point about reporting false symptoms to the GP & insurance, but if they don't lead to a diagnosis, then there is still nothing to declare on the form & nothing concrete in the GP records.