"I know there are people worse off than me"

eddiecat78

As so many people have misunderstood me I will elaborate.
I have health conditions myself which make life very difficult. I try not to complain but when I do I invariably qualify it by saying " I know people are worse off than me".
I think I do this partly because I do feel bad about moaning when people, including friends, are going through much worse, but also probably because I want the person I am complaining to to know that I am not totally self obsessed.
My sole reason for making this post was to encourage people who are miserable to believe it is absolutely fine to talk about that - especially if they need support - irrespective of what is happening to anyone else.
I am rather insulted to have been accused of denigrating sufferers and whingeing about people trying being positive.

I don’t want you to be upset by my angry rant. It was aimed at some of the horrible responses, not at you.

Flippinheck

I used this expression in my recent post about being refused care or help with my Achilles tendon injury which has left me housebound so I apologise if I offended anyone. I certainly didn’t mean to. Thank you for the supportive comments to my original post. However I am horrified by some of the comments here about my motives. Apparently I am trying to be a martyr! Worse this is seen as virtue signalling.
To add perspective my neighbour, same age as me, was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer 4 years ago. Her life since then has been hell. Two major operations and a stoma has left her in a terrible state The chemo almost killed her and has left her with awful side effects including neuropathy in her feet and a crumbling spine that is causing her debilitating pain. Compared to that my frustrations are minor and she is definitely very much worse off than me. She was in my mind when I made that comment.
I am already feeling low which must be clear in my original post so well done to those of you who feel it is okay to bully another contributor. You have made me feel much worse.

Please, please ignore the negatives posts! I try too!

Hope you manage to have a good day today

You cannot please everyone, all the time, especially not on Gransnet 😂😂

Macaydia

I think one should ignore the worse off than me mentality. Only compare yourself to yourself. "Have I been worse off than this?" Have I improved some aspect of my life, my garden, my attitude? Was I able to help a stranger, a neighbor, my GC ?

I read a biography once where the writer told the readers that every morning when his grandma woke up she would exclaim: One more day! One more chance to improve myself.

What a truly lovely post! Thank you

I used this expression in my recent post about being refused care or help with my Achilles tendon injury which has left me housebound so I apologise if I offended anyone. I certainly didn’t mean to. Thank you for the supportive comments to my original post. However I am horrified by some of the comments here about my motives. Apparently I am trying to be a martyr! Worse this is seen as virtue signalling.
To add perspective my neighbour, same age as me, was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer 4 years ago. Her life since then has been hell. Two major operations and a stoma has left her in a terrible state The chemo almost killed her and has left her with awful side effects including neuropathy in her feet and a crumbling spine that is causing her debilitating pain. Compared to that my frustrations are minor and she is definitely very much worse off than me. She was in my mind when I made that comment.
I am already feeling low which must be clear in my original post so well done to those of you who feel it is okay to bully another contributor. You have made me feel much worse.

As so many people have misunderstood me I will elaborate.
I have health conditions myself which make life very difficult. I try not to complain but when I do I invariably qualify it by saying " I know people are worse off than me".
I think I do this partly because I do feel bad about moaning when people, including friends, are going through much worse, but also probably because I want the person I am complaining to to know that I am not totally self obsessed.
My sole reason for making this post was to encourage people who are miserable to believe it is absolutely fine to talk about that - especially if they need support - irrespective of what is happening to anyone else.
I am rather insulted to have been accused of denigrating sufferers and whingeing about people trying being positive.

I think it’s more to do with shutting up that person who’s doing the moaning.
Most People don’t want to hear about other people’s aches & pains.
No, it wasn’t. I was a child, and didn’t have aches and pains. It was about controlling speech, and dismissing feelings.

Virtue signalling to me. Is really about perfect people trying to make out that they are more superior than other people

They have amazing lives, with no problems and never say a bad word about anyone.

Come and live near me and you will soon find out now false and what they are really like

No real thoughts or ideas of their own. They just parrot the latest, middle class opinions
🦜🔉📜

NotSpaghetti

Oh dear Doodledog that's horrible.

I think it’s more to do with shutting up that person who’s doing the moaning.
Most People don’t want to hear about other people’s aches & pains.

valdali

I dislike "virtue signalling" too Cossy.

I'm fairly sure no-one I know does this.

And there is also accusing someone of being "virtue signalling" to attack them.

I just think it's one of those phrases that are no longer viable.

I dislike "virtue signalling" too Cossy.

I'm fairly sure no-one I know does this.

nanna8

Heard it all now - whingeing about people trying to be positive. Not nice.

I agree

Sandrax

It is not wrong to grumble but virtue signalling by saying "I shouldn't grumble as other people are worse off "comes close.

What I really and truly hate is the expression “virtue signalling”.

In my opinion and with all due respect, it’s “catty”, “patronising”, “insulting” and “totally unnecessary”

Sorry, it’s just the way that expression makes me feel.

FranP

I have a right to grumble, as long as I have done all I could and nothing has changed. My dad would joke "It's not me, it's the others". Just because things are worse elsewhere does not mean we cannot improve here. My recent grumbles have been about the really bad service from my bank; about the building society wasting money sending 2 separate statements for a joint account - yes 1st world problems but ones I can try to fix by grumbling in the right direction. I cannot feed the world, I cannot stop middle eastern tribes from trying to kill each other; I cannot teach families to budget better - I can only offer a portion of my income to help.

👏👏👏👏👏

Moth62

Surely people who say this are very self-aware and are also fully aware of what’s going on in the wider world. They have no wish to be seen as a negative person, though often they are suffering quietly much more than the types who moan long and loud to all and sundry about their woes. I would far rather spend time with the sort of person you are denigrating than someone who constantly harps on about their problems.

I agree and I understand exactly why people say this.

I have a right to grumble, as long as I have done all I could and nothing has changed. My dad would joke "It's not me, it's the others". Just because things are worse elsewhere does not mean we cannot improve here. My recent grumbles have been about the really bad service from my bank; about the building society wasting money sending 2 separate statements for a joint account - yes 1st world problems but ones I can try to fix by grumbling in the right direction. I cannot feed the world, I cannot stop middle eastern tribes from trying to kill each other; I cannot teach families to budget better - I can only offer a portion of my income to help.

It is not wrong to grumble but virtue signalling by saying "I shouldn't grumble as other people are worse off "comes close.

Why do you think people are feeling guilty for grumbling?

I really don't think we are.

eddiecat78

We hear this time and time again when posters have written about really difficult situations they are in but invariably end with "I shouldn't complain - there are people much worse off than me".
Surely we should move away from this?
I'm all in favour of trying to look on the bright side and being grateful for the good things we have, but it's bad enough living with difficulties without feeling guilty for grumbling and think we have to apologise.

Totally agree.

Oh dear Doodledog that's horrible.

NotSpaghetti

Surely nobody says this sort of thing to other people who are suffering?

I'm quite amazed by this thread!

Oh yes. I was brought up with it - 'Well never mind. At least you haven't got it as bad as Gladys - she lost both her legs.'

As I say, I think it's sometimes said to make people feel better, but I don't see how it could.

I suspect people say it in their op for the same reason they write 'first world problem' - if they say it first it might mean they don't get their head bitten off by someone else.

Surely nobody says this sort of thing to other people who are suffering?

I'm quite amazed by this thread!

I've noticed since I grow older that I do have a tendency to want to moan. I can't get out of bed without having to think of pills, exercise, a shower, etc but then I say to myself: You are lucky enough to be able to move and have the ability to do these things. Get on with it without moaning. I then feel better for telling myself off but would never voice that to anyone. Also, I try to keep conversations about general factual things like, weather, garden, cooking, what I am doing with my hobbies. And also to be a good listener as most people love talking about themselves, their amazing children and grandchildren etc when I just want to ask 'What are you doing?' It is really all relative.

It is like the phrase 'First World Problem', used to put someone down but also with the same meaning as the title of this thread.

It doesn't matter where you live, or your relative wealth or health, we all have problems and what they are will be formed by the society we live in. Nor does it make life any better for you to know that there may be other people worse off than you.

When my daughter was seriously injured in a road accident and we thought she might loose all functionality in her right arm and lose her job, would the fact that the situation of women in Afghanistan is far worse, or that she was suffering less pain than someone with cancer, have made her situation any better

In my childhood, we were told to think about the starving children in India, and like the child mentioned up thread, faced with a school dinner, gristly stew, lumpy mashed potato and cabbage cooked to a pulp, our reaction was also that the Indian children were welcome to it.

I think there is a difference between someone acknowledging that there are worse things going on than their own lives, and people saying that to those who are suffering. If you have a pain the fact that someone else has a worse one won’t make yours any less painful, and pointing out that things could be worse is just minimising others’ suffering. It may be meant to make you feel better, but knowing that there are people worse off doesn’t necessarily help, does it?

Also, adding a martyred sentence about how you (generic - not anyone on the thread) don’t matter in the face of war and pestilence can come over as attention seeking. So much (as usual) depends on the context and the personalities involved.