"I know there are people worse off than me"

To be honest I do often say to my DH there’s people worse off than us and we must count our blessings. And I do.

My SIL anyways says, "Yes, there are, but this is YOUR problem, you're allowed to feel it".

I’m guilty of mentioning children in Africa to my very own children!

To be fair, they’d been moaning for about an hour about “how starving” they were, I got annoyed after they refused fruit or raw vegs and told them that they’d never been starving in their entire lives, like some children in Africa!

They (my darling offspring) further claim I then made them watch a documentary on famine! I don’t recall this!

Bad bad mummy!

The phrase I most detest is someone saying” AT LEAST you can do this or that” It belittles the fact that you are suffering and isn’t at all helpful.

Flippinheck

Norah

I'm all in favour of trying to look on the bright side and being grateful for the good things we have, but it's bad enough living with difficulties without feeling guilty for grumbling and think we have to apologise.

I totally agree.

I tend towards never speaking to my difficulties, but they exist. I do not like anyone minimising my problems, I know 'it could be worse.'

Worse is treating me as if I'm stupid.

You think that because I know people have it worse than me, using the word ‘worse’ is minimising your problems and treating you as stupid? How did you arrive at that conclusion?

I'm not at all certain why you quoted me.

Apologies.

Norah

^I'm all in favour of trying to look on the bright side and being grateful for the good things we have, but it's bad enough living with difficulties without feeling guilty for grumbling and think we have to apologise.^

I totally agree.

I tend towards never speaking to my difficulties, but they exist. I do not like anyone minimising my problems, I know 'it could be worse.'

Worse is treating me as if I'm stupid.

You think that because I know people have it worse than me, using the word ‘worse’ is minimising your problems and treating you as stupid? How did you arrive at that conclusion?

NotSpaghetti

I have found this thread quite upsetting.
I have felt part of those who have been targeted for acknowledging other people's pain as well as my own.

AsMoth said, upthread, I like to think I'm able to complain about my lot but also be "fully aware of what’s going on in the wider world".

I don't accept that having empathy is virtue signalling.
This was, in my mind, a pretty miserable put-down.

I am truly grateful for what I do have. I think this is worth saying too.

I agree.

Two TKR, other people have it worse, because they waited for care. My knees hurt, I paid. I have every empathy for knee pain, never mind TKR path.

I have found this thread quite upsetting.
I have felt part of those who have been targeted for acknowledging other people's pain as well as my own.

AsMoth said, upthread, I like to think I'm able to complain about my lot but also be "fully aware of what’s going on in the wider world".

I don't accept that having empathy is virtue signalling.
This was, in my mind, a pretty miserable put-down.

I am truly grateful for what I do have. I think this is worth saying too.

I'm all in favour of trying to look on the bright side and being grateful for the good things we have, but it's bad enough living with difficulties without feeling guilty for grumbling and think we have to apologise.

I totally agree.

I tend towards never speaking to my difficulties, but they exist. I do not like anyone minimising my problems, I know 'it could be worse.'

Worse is treating me as if I'm stupid.

My apologies if I have upset anyone at all by my comments, it was not my intention. I think I may actually come off Gransnet for a while, as it seems to be taking a very negative turn, which is a shame.

MT62

Doodledog

I think it’s more to do with shutting up that person who’s doing the moaning.
Most People don’t want to hear about other people’s aches & pains.
No, it wasn’t. I was a child, and didn’t have aches and pains. It was about controlling speech, and dismissing feelings.

Sorry I am talking about older people, not children.

It's ok. I felt that as you quoted me you were dismissing my post, which I struggle with.

That's the problem with things like this. People all have different experiences, and are hurt by different things. Some feel the need to explain that they know others are worse off, others feel that having that pointed out is minimising their own feelings. Nobody is wrong or right - we are just coming from different perspectives.

I often have to bite my lip or I would come across as a misery guts. Am a full time carer at 76 to my DH who has disabilities caused by a massive stroke one and half years ago. It is such hard work to keep up the Pollyanna attitude to life, sometimes I just want to swear lustily or howl at the moon. But I usually just go into another room and have a good cry.
I know people have it worse off than me but a lot of the time I don’t have a great quality of life and neither does my DH so I do like and I think have earned a good old rant now and again .

Oh sorry was replying to your response to virtue signalling 🫣

I agree Cossy.

No matter what there will always be people worse off, unless you're literally at the bottom and feeding your family by daily trips to the local rubbish dump.

But that doesn't change anyone's current situation or make them less valid.

That's the danger with online communication. Simple statements can so easily be misinterpreted.

If I were to use that statement it would be because I would hate anyone to think that I was moaning over some minor issue - and expecting helpful responses, when there are far worse things happening to others.

Doodledog

*I think it’s more to do with shutting up that person who’s doing the moaning.*
Most People don’t want to hear about other people’s aches & pains.
No, it wasn’t. I was a child, and didn’t have aches and pains. It was about controlling speech, and dismissing feelings.

Sorry I am talking about older people, not children.

eddiecat78

As so many people have misunderstood me I will elaborate.
I have health conditions myself which make life very difficult. I try not to complain but when I do I invariably qualify it by saying " I know people are worse off than me".
I think I do this partly because I do feel bad about moaning when people, including friends, are going through much worse, but also probably because I want the person I am complaining to to know that I am not totally self obsessed.
My sole reason for making this post was to encourage people who are miserable to believe it is absolutely fine to talk about that - especially if they need support - irrespective of what is happening to anyone else.
I am rather insulted to have been accused of denigrating sufferers and whingeing about people trying being positive.

I don’t want you to be upset by my angry rant. It was aimed at some of the horrible responses, not at you.

Flippinheck

I used this expression in my recent post about being refused care or help with my Achilles tendon injury which has left me housebound so I apologise if I offended anyone. I certainly didn’t mean to. Thank you for the supportive comments to my original post. However I am horrified by some of the comments here about my motives. Apparently I am trying to be a martyr! Worse this is seen as virtue signalling.
To add perspective my neighbour, same age as me, was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer 4 years ago. Her life since then has been hell. Two major operations and a stoma has left her in a terrible state The chemo almost killed her and has left her with awful side effects including neuropathy in her feet and a crumbling spine that is causing her debilitating pain. Compared to that my frustrations are minor and she is definitely very much worse off than me. She was in my mind when I made that comment.
I am already feeling low which must be clear in my original post so well done to those of you who feel it is okay to bully another contributor. You have made me feel much worse.

Please, please ignore the negatives posts! I try too!

Hope you manage to have a good day today

You cannot please everyone, all the time, especially not on Gransnet 😂😂

Macaydia

I think one should ignore the worse off than me mentality. Only compare yourself to yourself. "Have I been worse off than this?" Have I improved some aspect of my life, my garden, my attitude? Was I able to help a stranger, a neighbor, my GC ?

I read a biography once where the writer told the readers that every morning when his grandma woke up she would exclaim: One more day! One more chance to improve myself.

What a truly lovely post! Thank you

I used this expression in my recent post about being refused care or help with my Achilles tendon injury which has left me housebound so I apologise if I offended anyone. I certainly didn’t mean to. Thank you for the supportive comments to my original post. However I am horrified by some of the comments here about my motives. Apparently I am trying to be a martyr! Worse this is seen as virtue signalling.
To add perspective my neighbour, same age as me, was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer 4 years ago. Her life since then has been hell. Two major operations and a stoma has left her in a terrible state The chemo almost killed her and has left her with awful side effects including neuropathy in her feet and a crumbling spine that is causing her debilitating pain. Compared to that my frustrations are minor and she is definitely very much worse off than me. She was in my mind when I made that comment.
I am already feeling low which must be clear in my original post so well done to those of you who feel it is okay to bully another contributor. You have made me feel much worse.

As so many people have misunderstood me I will elaborate.
I have health conditions myself which make life very difficult. I try not to complain but when I do I invariably qualify it by saying " I know people are worse off than me".
I think I do this partly because I do feel bad about moaning when people, including friends, are going through much worse, but also probably because I want the person I am complaining to to know that I am not totally self obsessed.
My sole reason for making this post was to encourage people who are miserable to believe it is absolutely fine to talk about that - especially if they need support - irrespective of what is happening to anyone else.
I am rather insulted to have been accused of denigrating sufferers and whingeing about people trying being positive.

I think it’s more to do with shutting up that person who’s doing the moaning.
Most People don’t want to hear about other people’s aches & pains.
No, it wasn’t. I was a child, and didn’t have aches and pains. It was about controlling speech, and dismissing feelings.

I think one should ignore the worse off than me mentality. Only compare yourself to yourself. "Have I been worse off than this?" Have I improved some aspect of my life, my garden, my attitude? Was I able to help a stranger, a neighbor, my GC ?

I read a biography once where the writer told the readers that every morning when his grandma woke up she would exclaim: One more day! One more chance to improve myself.

I, too, was raised with mention of children in Africa. In college, I met some young adults from Africa (Ethiopia, to be exact) and they were tthe wealthiest young men at the college. I was poor with barely any food to eat, a broken old car and they drove new Mercedes.

"worse off than me" can have a lot of different meanings. For example, I read once that suicides are more common in situations where, outwardly, the victim appears to have it all going for them and suicides are less likely in a forced migration or poverty-stricken soul with everything against them. Sometimes worse off can mean owning nothing and creates a drive and positivity to fight for a change and survival. Sometimes worse off could mean working your whole life to obtain every material good, lovely house, wonderful partner and lavish holidays but if there is no happiness after that, who is worse off, I wonder.