Not so mid life crisis

Do you live alone? If so

Start off by "Being A Regular".

Chose a really nice cafe like a pleasant Costa.

Go there when you get up, if you like regular, bring your computer and a newspaper, and "hang out". You get to know other regulars and the staff. while you are there, look up local groups or volunteer opportunities. Ponder them.

Work out what you are missing. Is it "being someone" ie a role? In that case, work out if you need it, and if you do, that usually means a commitment, so think on that one. Is it a people role? Is it a practical one?

Is it friendliness, nattering, etc?

Well I have found that in my long term member ship of my gym, which isnt just a come and exercise and go home, but - same people, same time of day, not just exercise, but chatting and believe me men can natter away as well as women on my observation 😉.

Or always starting the day with the same walk in the same park....

I find comfort in planning and great joy in anticipation of daily, weekly or seasonal rituals/task or events from Sunday Morning Pastries to Feedy Friday (plants, not me!). I wouldn't thrive if all of my days felt 'open ended' and know that others may not align their housekeeping with Moon Phases etc but it works for me & keeps things fun

Alison I of the same mind as you !

Hearing all these comments I am quite envious! I had to give up my career (due to poor health) last year but far from travelling volunteering classes etc I am roped into a nearly 24/ 7 child care role for grandchildren and get zero time for fun 🫩 this is not what I thought retirement would be; I also feel I can’t moan because everyone goes on what a privilege its supposed to be helping with grandchildren and how I should feel honoured 😬

Some people need structure in their life and some don't. You will know which you are. For me, if I did not make appointments where some person or organisation expected me to turn up at a given time I'd be lost.

Slightly off topic, but I do hope VincentAI is a real person and the letters are just coincidence!

Happygirl79

Umm. You do know that eating and living a healthy life and being free and spontaneous aren't mutually exclusive?

I wouldn't be a Happygirl' if I lived by Monica's laws!!
.

Semperfidelis

Absolutely and totally agree with you.

However, one always has to recognise and appreciate that some people cannot manage or live a life that isn’t planned and organised for every second of the day.

I much prefer the freedom of choice and spontaneity. It makes the days (and nights!) more exciting and interesting.

VincentAl will find his path.
.
.

Good For You! 💐

MOnica

After a lifetime of having to get up at a certain time and always having to be at places at a regulated time I was glad to put all that behind me.

I go to bed when I want to - not always late as I often like to spend an hour or so watching a film or series on my ipad or reading one of my Kindle books on it (I gave up on the Kindle itself as I found it too small and sensitive).

No 'planned rhythm' for me thankyou very much.

I shop one day, do my chores another day, cook another day, meet friends another day, entertain another day. But seldom on the same day of each week.

FREEDOM to do what I want when I want. I might as well had stayed working otherwise!
.

After a very busy professional career I did plan my retirement although things change over a couple of years as you settle in. I planned a range of activities including exercise classes, learning the piano, taking classes at our local retirement centre, sitting on committees like WI and church, and visiting friends for lunch and national trust houses. We also holiday regularly. I adore retirement. But I couldn't just sit around and feel I hadn't achieved anything. But that's just me. Other ladies I know play golf, volunteer with soup kitchens and do all kinds of other classes. Each to their own.

M0nica

It also helps to have a planned rhythm to your days. A regular getting up time and bedtime. Eating regular meals, I deduce you live alone and one of the biggest dangers facing people on their own is poor diet, just eating when they feel like it, or not at all, tending to go for easy ready food and take aways. It can destroy your health and your life.

Plan menus once a week, you do not have to stick to them, but it means you will buy good food that can be made into other dishes if needed.

I have to disagree, MOnica. Retirement is an opportunity NOT to live to a strict routine. It's an opportunity to get up and go to bed whenever you like. It's still perfectly possible to eat a healthy diet, without sticking to certain times, or detailed planning.
Although we may still have to give support to our families, if they need it, being FREE is a wonderful feeling.

M0nica

It also helps to have a planned rhythm to your days. A regular getting up time and bedtime. Eating regular meals, I deduce you live alone and one of the biggest dangers facing people on their own is poor diet, just eating when they feel like it, or not at all, tending to go for easy ready food and take aways. It can destroy your health and your life.

Plan menus once a week, you do not have to stick to them, but it means you will buy good food that can be made into other dishes if needed.

Absolutely! Your main job in life now is to look after and nurture your body. It is especially important to have good nutritious meals when you are older. You have the time. Now invest in yourself. Try to include regular walks and a good sleep routine if possible. You will certainly reap the rewards with increased energy levels.

When I first retired, I had a notebook with all those jobs I had never gotten round to doing when working.

Each week I wrote down a few things to do, and also some pleasurable ones.

I called it my ‘Tasks and Treats Book’.

Ticked them off at the end of each week, sometimes I did a lot, sometimes nothing.

Helped to have a bit of a plan and structure which was missing after I retired.

Hello Vincent I don't know if anyone has mentioned U3A it's a good way to meet new friends and keep you busy.

A comment from me re volunteering - it may take a while to find something that makes you happy.

When I first retired, I volunteered on the Patient Participation Group 🤦‍♀️ at the GP practice. After 6 months of discussing misuse of the disabled parking bay, and the appointments system, and no prospect of much changing, plus the pedant who waited until the meeting to correct grammar in the previously circulated draft minutes, 😳 I resigned.

Now I do the children's Summer Reading Challenge at the local library and I love it.

I meet friends for coffee or I go for a walk on my own.

I tried various exercise classes until I found something I really liked. I'm in a fantastic singing group too. I always keep one weekday free - I call it my day off. Enjoy your retirement.

DH started a new business when he retired. It had been a hobby so he loved having the time to pursue it as a business. Is there something like that the OP could do?

Ask yourself are your buckets full or half empty? Spiritual, emotional, physical, creative, social, travel etc? What could you do to keep them full? What are your strengths, talents, and what new things would you like to learn? Get yourself a good routine in place and complacency can lead to depression. Everything is life has a meaning, it just depends what you choose to assign your meaning to.

Ive never managed to get into the retirement mind set. I have an international antiques business - which I am gradually winding down. I also do private tutoring which I enjoy. And the £££ comes in useful.

I did absolutely nothing for the first year after retirement other than try and decide what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I now volunteer at local hospital one day a week, help out with food bank on two mornings and help out in charity shop one afternoon. I’ve made new friends and feel part of the community. Just as well really as I lost my husband very suddenly 9 months ago and my ‘little jobs’ have kept me sane.

I think your feelings are totally normal!
My partner retired a few years ago from a pretty fast paced industry which also involved a lot of travel.
He played down how he felt at the time but I knew he was struggling.
He now admits he found the lack of routine and responsibility really difficult and felt ‘lost’.
Nowadays he wonders where he found time to go to work and loves his new found freedom!
He got very involved with village life and did some volunteering. He’s quite into sports so can spend more time doing those and even set up his own little brewery.
It did take time to adjust but he is now very happy.
There’s lots to get involved with once you start looking around.
Good luck!

Maybe stand still and learn to breath at your own pace with no commitments totally wind down from your old routine then you csn move forward on your plans when you have learned to relax without a regimented timetable

I’d write down all the things you can do, now you’re not restricted a time table. They could be simple things like enjoying not getting up on a frosty morning, or bigger things such as holidays. From that random list you can begin to plan.
Sometimes the unexpected pops up and it’s lovely to be able to take advantage of not being tied down.

I suggest you give yourself a sort of "holiday" first. It is very easy to get overcommitted as a sort of panic reaction to having no set things or times organised. Allow yourself to try out some pastimes you havent had the time for before, but keep it informal, rather than signing up for set times straight away.

If you take things steady for the next couple of months, in September there will be many courses and clubs and groups that you could explore. Firstly I suggest that you take yourself off to the library, where they will have quite a variety of notices about all sorts of things and they usually have all the up to date phone numbers and contacts for groups , whether the U3a, or the golf club or whatever. If you see anything that takes your fancy, you could look up more information on it. When you are considering things, remember to think of going to meetings in winter as well as summer and think if that would make any difference to you.

There are many lovely gardens open in the NGS , which are just lovely to visit in their own right and give you good ideas for your own garden - if you have one. Let your mind also get used to the change, and something you could do easily is to move your shopping and things like any business meetings you might need to weekdays and generally avoid the weekends. That can be something applied to trips away too. The pleasure of avoiding bank holiday weekends and so forth. Enjoy the summer being able to go out and about or just enjoy being at home and taking things easy.

There are very many different organisations who would be glad of a volunteer to help out. Again you could try some things out before committing yourself to a regular date, as you may find things different to how you had expected. Then when you find the things you enjoy doing , to be a reliable volunteer is very much appreciated.

Finally have you had something or somewhere you always fancied going to but never got there? If you are in reasonable health I always think it is a good plan to see if you could go, while you are able to. We never know what changes in our lives, and finally getting to that special place is very worth while even if it does not live up to your expectations. So my motto is do and go while you can. I think it is better to have done things and look back at new horizons tried than to stay at home , never get there and wish you had. Whether that turns out to be travelling far and wide or going to part of this country that you have never been to before.

I hope you enjoy trying out some ideas that you will see from posts on here and dont forget, you can try out lots at your own pace. You are not stuck with cramming everything into a few weeks. You might also keep a little notebook with you, so that at one end you jot down any ideas of things you would like to try or do. At the other end you could put down any jobs or things that need doing, getting paperwork up to date, checking address and phone numbers up to date on the endless pile of papers. If you drive is your photo up to date on your licence? Have you applied for your bus pass if you are entitled to one. This is not meant to be a list to make you feel you must do any specific thing, but the ideas are there as and when you want them.

In the meantime you can really enjoy right now, sitting in the cool inside or out ,in the middle of the day , with a cold drink and just think how glad you are not to be stuck in a stuffy office or boiling in a car on the motorway. You will soon find yourself wondering how you had time to go to work, as many people say

It also helps to have a planned rhythm to your days. A regular getting up time and bedtime. Eating regular meals, I deduce you live alone and one of the biggest dangers facing people on their own is poor diet, just eating when they feel like it, or not at all, tending to go for easy ready food and take aways. It can destroy your health and your life.

Plan menus once a week, you do not have to stick to them, but it means you will buy good food that can be made into other dishes if needed.