Reporting to somebody - legal/ethical

Thank you for your comments and concern..still status quo ..but am more calm and don’t wish for any conflict so will keep the peace 🙏..

She hasnt come back either. Which is a bit concerning.

Apologies but your message is very confusing?

If I understand you correctly Bea, your niece is either looking after your very ill sister or the only family member actually in contact with her.

This same niece has dropped all contact with you, and has with or without her mother¨s permission control of her phone, so you are left unable to contact your sister, or get any news of her.

I am extremely uncertain whether there is anything you can do if this is the case, except report to social services that you are concerned that your sister is possibly not being looked after properly, as you are being denied access to her by her daughter.

Legally and ethically we have a duty to report to the relevant authorities if we suspct that anyone is being denied necessary care, or being abused.

Whether your niece¨s behaviour can be seen as neglect or abuse, I cannot judge, but you are obviously very worried so contacting social services is, I think, your only option.

Hello Bea65 I am so relieved that no-one is physically hurting you (that's what I feared yesterday)

The 'phone helpline numbers that I gave you can still be used if you wish to and if you believe that your sister is not being suitably cared for?

I wish you peace

Thanks.

And I said does, in post 17.19pm instead of did!

I think I will leave that question now!

Sorry I got your name wrong fancythat
But the answers the same she doesn’t know how her sister feels as she cannot contact her !!!

I am fancythat.

I partly said "how does your sister feel"?

As I said in post 15.04pm, I give a reason for asking that question.

Well how does she know if she’s been denied all access to her sister fancyflowers
If you mean how does the poster feels she’s made it obvious she’s very concerned and puzzled and worried

I partly asked, how did she feel.

Relevant I think. Personally.

fancythat

How did/does your sister feel about all of this?

How can she possibly know the whole point of the thread is asking for advice as she has had her contact cut more than 6 months ago

fancythat

How did/does your sister feel about all of this?

Mentioned this, because, in the two situations I know about, in both, the mum thought her son was wonderful and acting in her best interests.
No one could get anywhere while she thought that.

It sounds a bit worrying that your niece is controlling any contact you would like to have with your sister. Is there anyone you know who could look into it. Your niece could still read a message sent from you so you could say how worried you are. And mention you would like a reply otherwise you will have to contact a local service, near to your sister, to find out how she is.

How did/does your sister feel about all of this?

BlueBelle

Butterandjam
Is it possible that your very sick sister doesn't want any contact or visitors, has REFUSED it, and her daughter is left having to make excuses to protect her mothers last wishes?

Surly if that was the case the niece would just say “Aunty I m ever so sorry but mum doesn’t want to talk to anyone but I ll keep you in the loop to know how she is”

Niece has cut contact and this family lives very far away from me ..yes BlueBelle I wasn’t allowed to tell my sister that our brother died last September and despite being in touch with niece at that time time, all phone/text messages have stopped

Butterandjam
Is it possible that your very sick sister doesn't want any contact or visitors, has REFUSED it, and her daughter is left having to make excuses to protect her mothers last wishes?

Surly if that was the case the niece would just say “Aunty I m ever so sorry but mum doesn’t want to talk to anyone but I ll keep you in the loop to know how she is”

If your sister is in hospital or a care home you could contact them directly . If she is at home you can write to her there, or if it’s not too far visit?
Can you phone or write to your niece ?
If you have reasons or concern anout her care do you know her GP details? They won’t be able to talk about her to you but they would be aware.
If you have always been on good terms with your sister there shouldn’t be a problem.
I hope this can be resolved without any further upset .

Is it possible that your very sick sister doesn't want any contact or visitors, has REFUSED it, and her daughter is left having to make excuses to protect her mothers last wishes?

Two of my elderly aunts did exactly this as they reached the end.

I agree with everything Bluebelle says.

What concerns me Bea65 is the fact your niece appears to have control of your sister's phone. If it's because your sister is actually too ill to communicate with you, I would accept your niece's need to keep in touch on her behalf. However, if it's not for that reason, I would agree with others on here that you should get other relatives, if available, to check in on her. Failing that, contact the authorities with your concerns, they will do a welfare check.

I read it that way too BlueBelle.

I read this differently Monica I think Bea means her sister is very ill and being looked after by her daughter ( (Beas neice) but Bea isn’t getting any information about her sister and can’t speak to her as the neice is in possession of her mums phone, so direct contact has ceased.
Reading between the lines and I may be wrong are you worried that your sister is not being looked after properly
So some questions
Does your sister live far away?
Could another relative or friend pop in to see if she’s ok ?
If you are really concerned and think there is coercion , cruelty or neglect then I would ring SS
I m so sorry about your pain it really does pull you down I hope you ve got support yourself at home

I read this as being a uery about giving the name of Next of Kin, when nearest kin is not ssomeone whose name you want to givee.

Although the phrase 'Next of Kin' is used. It does not have to be your nearest relative. It can be anyone you wish to be the person who is informed of your plight in an emergency. You do not need to justify who you choose, although you should check with the person you want to appoint that they are happy to act as your next of kin.

I was appointed nest of kin for an uncle. He was widowed, childless and I was a blood relation of his wife. not him. He had a brother - who was as ill as he was - so he appointed me as next of kin.

However you do not need to justify who you choose. They just need to be willing to hold that role.

Oh Bea65 it is hard when younger ones don’t get the connections we have with people of our own age. She maybe thinks she is protecting you from knowing about your sister because she thinks it might upset you ? Are you worried that she might not be looking after your sister well ? Maybe talk to someone else, family or friend of the family. Thoughts with you.💐

🙏 all ..was having panic attack due to my niece not getting in touch re my sister’s continuing ill health and her (my sister) not being able to contact me personally…my niece has her phone
This has been an ongoing issue for many months and not sure how to resolve this…
ATM I’m experiencing chronic lumbar pain due to wedge fracture and not being very mobile…and feeling very emotional

Do you mean you've been asked by the hospital/doctor to name your next of kin?

Next of kin can be anyone you choose - it doesn't have to be your nearest relative, or a relative at all, you can name a friend (best to ask them first but that's not essential). You can refuse to name anyone.

Sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick.

I hope your health and pain improve soon.