Neighbour moving without telling me .

Sometimes one when you are selling your house, you know one of your friends will be upsat or sad that you are moving away, so you choose the best time and circumstances to tell them - and this may be several weeks after the house has gone on the market.

Many years ago we got caught out, causing extra worry when we meant to do the opposite. My PiL lived in the same house throughout their married life, DFiL had been born there and lived there all his life.

The first time we moved house, they struggled to understand why we would want to move, second time round, as we lived 60 miles away, we decided to say nothing until the house was under offer or we had exchanged.

We did however conide in close friends who lived 200 miles away. They casually mentioned it to their parents, who lived in the same village as PiL and you can guess what happened and we had to field lots of worried calls. Fortunately we sold and moved quickly,

The older people in my road ‘keep themselves to themselves’. I once asked one how his wife was and she had died months previously. There are several who I say Hello to but I’ve never known their names.
Of course you are hurt by your friend’s withdrawal but she doesn’t sound very nice.

It sounds like her loss, not yours.

No act of kindness is ever wasted Esmay.

I avoid close relationships with neighbours, once bitten etc. It's for the best. One side is a woman I knew we would enjoy the odd coffee - but tis for the best. The other side is a gossip so I maintain cordial always pleasant, but well drawn boundaries, she tried talking about the previous people in my house so I just changed the subject. thats the general tone down my road anyway. No one would refuse to help in a real emergency.

I’m sure you do feel hurt I would too after helping her and listening to her problems. Sadly she’s made a new friend and wants to move on with her life. You sound a lovely person and have a great heart. Hopefully the new neighbours are nice people and you form a friendship with those.

That is very hurtful when someone you've helped and supported behaves like that. Irrational too. She clearly has some issues that she isn't managing. It shows the problems in her mind and not yours. You were kind and there for her ....sadly she hasn't learnt gratitude.

Thank you for your kind words.
I cried when I saw the advertisement for her house.It was a shock .

My father and I provided a constant counselling service .
Now he's passed -things have changed .
Maybe the neighbour preferred to talk to him .
I know that she has never been happy with her husband and though my father didn't say so he thought her demanding and unreasonable.
My neighbour had Covid about four years ago and I noticed some changes in her after that .
She lost several office jobs and is erratic at times .
I'm presuming that they are divorcing and that's the reason why she's selling her house.

Neighbours can be an odd entity.

Fine if you get along but awful if things go pear shaped.

I think now that it is good to be on pleasant terms with a neighbour, take in the odd parcel, send a Christmas card etc - but anything more meaningful should be viewed with suspicion!

Its a good thing she's moving then, you might get nice neighbours to replace her, see it as a positive

There are always people in life who will use you while you're there and discard you when their interest drifts away. That's not you being a fool, you just trusted someone unreliable, you were conveniently close and useful.

I've done the same. A friend I'd known and visited regularly for 42 years did the same, didn't tell me, I noticed it for ages on line, then 'sold'. The sale fell through. She is still there, I often wonder if she would have told me her new address.

We've now drifted but that's ok. I thought we had a strong friendship, I was totally unaware of any problems between us.

Coincidently I think my neighbour is soon to be selling up too. I know I won't be told as we aren't close, just polite. And that's fine.