Adult children and worrying

Can’t imagine how that must feel SueDonim. My thoughts are with you.

ronib

Some life experiences are so much more heartbreaking than others. It’s worth remembering that some redundancies can lead to much better career outcomes than was previously possible. No gain without pain.

I hope so but I haven’t mentioned how many things he’s had to cope with over the years.

Suedonim - thinking of you all x

My thoughts are with you too SueDomin there are no words.

I’ve been angry, sad, frustrated, puzzled at some of their decisions, antics but never worried.
They know I’m here for any eventuality.

Thank you, all. Most of the time I manage to keep it in a box with the lid firmly closed but certain topics bring it to the fore for a while.

SueDonim

Thank you, all. Most of the time I manage to keep it in a box with the lid firmly closed but certain topics bring it to the fore for a while.

💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐

I know worry like jealousy is a completely useless emotion, but we are human and that’s part of being human
I will worry about my tribe until I’m in my box. I know I will….

I don't know how one copes as a parent in the worst of times, but cope we just have to.
💐 SueDonim.

The worrying never goes away. It's because we care so much.

suedomin that is so sad.

Our eldest had a life changing stroke when he was 35. He copes brilliantly but we are always here for him (and his siblings obviously) but I worry about what happens when we are no longer around.

SueDonim I know about 'keeping the lid on the box', you have my sympathies.

And I realise that worrying doesn't change the outcome of anything, but as a friend says - every now and then reality kicks in, no matter how much we intellectualise or rationalise.

🌺

Box of course we don’t stop worrying about the ones we love.

I never ever stop worrying, even though Dd is generally no bothet, I just accept that I never will, part of being a mum I suppose

SueDonim
I’m living that nightmare too. My DC isn’t doing so well. As DC is mid 40’s with 4 small children there is a shedload of stuff to worry about. Some of the DGC ( 5,7,9,11) are clearly distressed - acting out in school etc. The school is supportive, I must stress. Anticipatory grief robs us of joy in life, so I try to focus on enjoying nice times as much as possible, keeping myself busy and distracted. But it’s hard.

We always worry but there's worrying, and maybe being able to help, and WORRYING. The latter is pointless and sometimes having faith that they will, and are able to live their own lives, is the better way. Resilience is a muscle that has to be exercised even if painful.

Oldfossil

SueDonim
I’m living that nightmare too. My DC isn’t doing so well. As DC is mid 40’s with 4 small children there is a shedload of stuff to worry about. Some of the DGC ( 5,7,9,11) are clearly distressed - acting out in school etc. The school is supportive, I must stress. Anticipatory grief robs us of joy in life, so I try to focus on enjoying nice times as much as possible, keeping myself busy and distracted. But it’s hard.

Anticipatory grief is just awful. I'm thinking of you Oldfossil, and sending love.

I don't think I have or will ever stop worrying about my 3 girls. They are all grown up with families of their own and I worry about them too. I cant always do anything about most of the things that go wrong. It doesn't stop me worrying though. I have sleepless nights about some of it. Just when you think they are all doing OK something always crops up. I also sometimes feel guilty about when I am doing well. Its not logical but it's normal.

Retread and Oldfossil, and anyone else affected, it’s a club no one wants to join, isn’t it? 😢

SueDonim, love , hugs and all best wishes to you 💐

I've 2 adult kids, one living abroad (only mainland Europe, thankfully). Only one grandchild, who lives near me in the UK. Both of my offspring are better educated than me, and in a much better place financially, and I am very thankful for that. I do worry about them, of course, but I do feel I did my very best to bring them up well in order to equip them for life, which we all know can be very tough. It is a great consolation that they are now sensible adults, and it appears my efforts have paid off.

I don't worry about them...like FGT's mum...we are a safety net only. They are adults and fully capable of making their own decisions and mistakes and living with the consequences of them, just like we were/are. I don't agree with all they do but it is their lives, not mine. My daughter has MS...why worry, what can worrying do? She copes and does well enough and we are here to help when needed.

SueDonim

Retread and Oldfossil, and anyone else affected, it’s a club no one wants to join, isn’t it? 😢

Thank you, and yes, the club we never wanted to join.

Both our lovely girls are going through divorce, one amicably and one not so much. I really try not to worry because I can’t change anything. At least they are very close and have each other, and the four grandchildren involved seem to be coping. It could be worse and I’m actually quite proud of the difficult decisions they have made.

I worry about my two daughters all the time, and my two grandchildren. My eldest daughter, husband and two children are going on holiday on Sunday and I won't be able to relax until I know their flight has landed safely. Same goes for their return journey. I worry about what the future holds for my grandchildren, as this world is turning into a more and more dangerous place. I worry about my youngest daughter who has asthma. Same goes for her and her partner with travelling. They recently went to Costa Rica for a wedding and I was glad when they got back. Wasn't sure how safe a country it was. My eldest daughter has Ehlers Danlos syndrome, which has only recently been discovered, although she's had the symptoms for years, so she has various health problems because of that. I have always been a terrible worrier, and it has been made worse by losing my precious son in 1980 aged 6. I won't stop worrying until I'm in my grave. I have constant anxiety. My 12 year old beautiful kind granddaughter was bullied and ganged up on at junior school, and I was glad when she started secondary school last year, but she was only there a few weeks when she was bullied again. Some nasty brat calling her trash and throwing her stuff on the floor. Now she has some boys who are calling her dumb and laughing at her, although she is very bright, and one of the bullies really is dim and bullied too, but he and the other bullies join in together to bully her. It seems never ending, the constant worries. I often wonder if I will wake up in the morning, but think at least I won't have to worry any more if I don't. Drives me crazy. I already suffer from anxiety and depression. Think maybe if I had a partner it would be easier, but been on my own for years. Sorry for the rant!

Sending thoughts and hugs in support of Suedonim, Oldfossil & anyone else in this harrowing situation