Should I say something?

I feel sorry for your friend Aveline, I had a circle of friends who gradually evaporated after my DH had a massive stroke, partially because I wasn’t always available but also because I found myself talking about my life as a full time carer, which is a bit miserable and I might have cried on occasion. Now I try hard not to talk about it even though my life is quite lonely and I have nobody to confide in, certainly I wouldn’t bother family, and really don’t want to go for counselling or therapy. Just a chat but I know that my lived experience might make others feel awkward or bored.
This friend has a very different lived experience but she also sounds as if she needs to talk about her grief, a year isn’t long, I would let her talk.

I would stick with this lady too. I’m a good listener and I’m always happy to listen to anyone. Especially someone grieving.

Grief affects different people in different ways. GG

I think this sums it up.

Personally I’d still stick with this lady, even if others in the group don’t. Say nothing but be patient and kind.

Grief can be all consuming and a year is nothing. It must be difficult if this person is taking over all the conversations but she may not be aware as she is so focused on her own grief.
Perhaps a very gentle word with her may help her realise. Of course she could take umbrage so it would have to be handled carefully.

Beechnut

I’m doing something wrong. I didn’t know you were supposed to to have stopped crying after ten years.

Grief is so personal and we all deal with it in our own awkward way.

To comment about someone “still crying 10 years later”, is both crass and rude.

I’m not a widow, but I still cry sometimes when I think of my parents who died in 2016 and 2022 respectively.

Grief has no rules, no deadlines and no respect, grief can be overwhelming or can be locked away.

Just let people grieve in their own way and their own time.

In respect to your “friend”, you could just try cutting across her now and again with a change of subject.

Grief affects different people in different ways.

Maybe she is unaware of monopolising the group.

Its a difficult situation

Let her talk it out, you are her friends and that's what real friends are for,the good and the bad and be kind itcould be one of you one day

I’m doing something wrong. I didn’t know you were supposed to to have stopped crying after ten years.

I knew a woman whose husband died suddenly of a heart attack at work and she was still crying 10 years later! Felt sorry for her pensioner mother for dealing with it all that time

Oh dear, that’s a tough one, then! That kind of person really doesn’t have any self-awareness, unfortunately. If others are on the same waveband as you, perhaps you need to work together to try and steer conversation elsewhere.

I know it’s not easy doing that - a group I belong to has a member who harps on and on about a period of her life some thirty or forty years ago. It’s not a distressing topic or anything but I think we’re all now at the stage where we all think we’ve lived the same life because we’re so familiar with all the details! 😩

Yes. She saw a counsellor and she's been to a bereavement group but says they're not for her. She complained about the other bereaved ladies talking too much!

That’s very difficult. You don’t want to seem unfeeling but if it’s having a detrimental effect on others, that’s hard, too. Has she had professional counselling?

It's not that she doesn't feel up to joining groups it's just that she dominates them with her own situation.

Grief takes time of course but it needn’t be dwelt on continuously for over a year . I think this woman does need to learn that other people need time to talk about their own problems. Not sure what your meeting circumstances are but could you perhaps suggest before the next occasion that she doesn’t come if she doesn’t feel up to joining in general conversation?

I know. Of course it is. However, she needs her friends and they seem to be evaporating. At my age I know a lot of widows and have always been happy to support them in every way I can. I suppose they have been more outward looking and interested in others than the friend in question is.

Think it’s called grief and it takes time.