What is our role as older people?

I joined a WI group near me and the leader was so bossy, it was a horrible experience to go there. I left. I joined a church craft group and the 85 year old lady leading it was delightful, welcoming, treated everyone equally, and I made a few friends there. Sadly, they started to 'minister' which is why I left. I just was not into their heavy religion. I joined the U3A and went to a class. The woman leading it again was so rude and bossy, I left. I went to a U3A lunch and was approached by men who wanted to pour their hears out, sat next to women who went on and on about their grandchildren and cruises. Sadly, non of this was me. It's not that I don't want to hear about other people's lives, it is just that some older people just seem to be set in a 'me' groove. Luckily, I have now found a new WI group which is like a real sisterhood and I love going to their meetings.

I think that because women are usually hardwired to be nurturing and caring towards family they feel the loss of their natural state more keenly.
I can’t think that many men feel like that.
We must remember that we were ourselves before we were ever a wife/mother/ grandmother, and having gone through all that and come out the other side we are now back to being ourselves again, for better or for worse.

There’s much good quality research that demonstrates the number of older people who experience loneliness and social isolation. Feeling socially isolated and lonely is bound to be related to feeling you have no role or wondering what you are ‘for’. As I said earlier health and mobility, close by family, having a spouse, being financially secure are all contributory factors in shaping your life in older age. When you can’t access the little things then in a way you end up asking yourself the bigger questions. I remember when Esther Rantzen’s husband died, she talked of the loss of ‘someone to do nothing with’.

kittylester

I am not 'for' anything. My role is to be me - by trying to help family and friends when asked and trying to make a difference by volunteering.

Luckily, my health is reasonable for my age and i aim to enjoy the remaining time of my life.

I don’t see myself as having a role in life at all.
Yes, I have been /am daughter, wife, mother, granny, friend, sometimes teacher, or counsellor, but in of those “roles” I have been ME - living the life I am lucky enough to have until such time as my allotted span ends.
Our holiday together in France at the moment illustrates for me that if I leave a legacy, it will be three upstanding and intelligent women who all love, like and understand each other, who have chosen to share their lives with three wonderful men who also understand and like each other and are bringing up six wonderful young people to be the best they can be.
Isn’t that what each generation aims to do?

🎶We’re here because
we’re here because
we’re here because we’re here🎶

It has never crossed my mind,but now its there,,,,,I can't be bothered to think about it. No offence truly
I'm me,love me or leave me be,I must be of some use or God would take me home

When I retired four or so years ago I had no idea that osteoarthritis was lurking round the corner. I had many plans, but these have had to be curtailed. I just do what I can with what I have and enjoy the slower pace of life without work! My DH seems to think he has to fill every day with a planned activity, good for him you say, but he is lucky to have the health I think.

What a depressing lot of replies, and so limited, only seeing old women's lives in terms of family and friends. (Monica).

I'm not sure why that is depressing. In my case, having worked all my life, now having time (precious) time for family and friends at this stage, is a bonus. I exercise, socialise, do loads of craft - the list is long. I just didn't bother going into detail. Board meetings - now that would depress me 😅 I've has more than enough of those in my lifetime.

I am not 'for' anything. My role is to be me - by trying to help family and friends when asked and trying to make a difference by volunteering.

Luckily, my health is reasonable for my age and i aim to enjoy the remaining time of my life.

crazyH

Fartooold - what is LD ?

Could be learning difficulties?

For those who asked I believe LD stands for learning difficulties.

Luckygirl3

I think many of these replies depend on the level of physical ability that people have. There are many who have serious limitations to the things that they might wish to do.

This. I think it’s very easy to take physical health and mobility for granted when neither is a problem or impacts on everyday life. Many doors are (literally and metaphorically) closed in such circumstances. The other things it’s easy to take for granted are still having your partner, having your children/grandchildren close by and not having financial worries.

crazyH

Fartooold - what is LD ?

I would like to know also!

I don’t have many obligations or financial worries so for once I can choose what I do without having to fit in with others. I try to do what I can whilst I can, before arthritis worsens or other health issues prevent me. Basically this year my “role” is to enjoy my life.

In the past grandparents were still a vital part of the family. Teaching skills to the younger ones and helping with their care. This is mainly still the case for most older women.
Speaking for myself, I am enjoying my freedom. I don't have grandchildren so don't have obligations in that respect. I am also lucky not to have major health problems. I can indulge!

CrazyH my question too ?
And I now want to know what your side hustles are FGCat 😳

I don’t even think about it. You’re still here, that’ll do!

I have some nice interests and hobbies that distract from my health issues. Such as arthritis it can be dreadful at times and asthma equally drains but can be controlled.

Thankfully though I have family and friends that are close to me. I also don't mentally feel my age I'm still young at heart that keeps me going.

I don't have a role in life I'm not an actress being a wife mum nanny and friend is enough to make me content.

When I was much younger and I told my father I intended never to have children he told me I would "have what god gives you." I told him "I will have what I take for myself"

I have never participated in "family life" which sounds most unappealing to me. It involves too much sacrifice and fitting in with what others want, which has never been my way.

Despite mobility issues with arthritis I still have 2 very busy side hustles which is an amazing achievement at my age.

Fartooold - what is LD ?

GrannyGravy13

I am a wife, mother, grandmother, sister, auntie, friend but first of all I am me.

I am aware that I have most of my life behind me and it is now time for me to put myself first and do the things I want to.

My role is to be a good person, to support those I love and to ring every bit of enjoyment out of life whilst I am able.

Yes:

Carpe Diem - gently.

Love needs not hands on, rushing activity.

Appreciate help, not resent needing it:

Age needs courage, maybe we didn't expect it before.

`I love the upthread story about the man whose carers came to the funeral.

What is my role?
I think it’s to love and cherish what’s left of my family, make the best of everything that comes my way, keep my independence and reasonably good health for as long as possible, only ask for help if I absolutely have to (usually for practical things)

And be the font of all wisdom, offering advice and understanding without opening my mouth and putting my foot in it (that one’s the hardest)

In order to be this paragon I have to get on with the neighbours, be of use to the community and never, ever whinge. 😇😇

A regular 🍷 or G&T helps enormously.

I think many of these replies depend on the level of physical ability that people have. There are many who have serious limitations to the things that they might wish to do.

What a depressing lot of replies, and so limited, only seeing old women's lives in terms of family and friends.

Family and friends are only part of my life. My life has also been all the other things I do.

When we moved area last year, I resigned from the committee of the county archaeological society, I had been on the committee for several decades and held all the main Officer roles and done lots of other things as well, I resigned from the local CPRE and ceased to represent the group on the Local Liaison Committee at the local power station. Since I retired I have been a volunteer Hove Advisor with the charity now called Age Concern, volunteered with several heritage charities.

All my activities and volunteering is as important to me as my family and friends.

We moved house a year ago, so I have done little this year, but I am volunteering with the local museum and I am busy sorting out activities and groups to join this autumn.

I am over 80, but intend, like my father, to die in harness.

I think my purpose now is (to quote Carl Jung) the life that I could still live, to live, and the thoughts that I could still think, I should think.

In other words, live my life, with other people in it, my husband and children, grandchild, and siblings being very important as part of my life. I'm not so sure of having a "role".

I reckon at 83 I am here to care for my 3 with LD! Sometimes I feel it is what keeps me going! I have several friends of similar age in the same situation and don’t we rant sometimes!!