What is our role as older people?

Most of us have been used to being needed for most of our lives. I'm no longer needed by my AC and their families, but I hope I'm providing support and friendship to others, including friends with health problems, fellow volunteers and, importantly, my own siblings, old like me.

Poppyjo

I believe I am a very different person now I am old. I hope that I can guide my family to respect others, to always be truthful and never to talk about a person behind their back.

Sadly the world is not perfect

Why did you not do these things when you were younger?

I believe I am a very different person now I am old. I hope that I can guide my family to respect others, to always be truthful and never to talk about a person behind their back.

Sadly the world is not perfect

Last January I had a health scare that resulted in my ability to get year long Cruise or Worldwide Travel Insurance being curtailed. It gave me something to think about. Its what I want to do. Travel. Cruise. I'm hoping to get that ability back sometime in 2027. I have a cruise booked that I booked before my health scare so I really want to get cover even for a one off regardless of price. If I cant then I'll explore the UK a bit more. Plus try for Europe there's still a lot left I haven't seen. I try to keep active but I am sometimes a little irritated by "only contacting me when they want something" from some of my family.

Thisismyname what a lovely post. I’m just about to embark on a similar adventure although at much later age than you must have been. Have you any dos and donts to make it a success as yours clearly has been?

I do understand what you are saying Luckgirl3, and share your frustration. My life has been much restricted this year due to chronic worsening medical conditions. However, I understand (but it’s hard to accept) that this is just another stage in later life, and which some will not have to cope with, because they die prematurely, or maintain good health until they die.

I think many of us spend so much of our lives being productive either or at work or in our private lives, and the transition to a more passive role can be difficult.

I am trying to be philosophical, not grieving for the life I had, but doing my best with what I have, and can do, which you also appear to be doing. I am different to you is that I do not always hide how I feel from others. It helps to have a few close friends to share and be honest with, and I try to give more time to them, Family live a distance away and I have not played a major caring role in their lives.

I realise that living alone, and also in poor health is an extra burden which I do not have….yet, but something that many experience, or will in the future.
On the positive side there is still much joy to be found in life, in other people and perhaps in more simple and creative ways, and it seems that you enjoy what you do. I send you best wishes.
You are not alone.

I love my daughters ,am proud of them too. I am happy living my life ,they are busy and happy in theirs.My 15yr.old granddaughter quite often pops over for a chat,which is lovely.We laugh a lot .My daughters rang today to see if I was coping with the heat.How lovely.I have my interests and hobbies but I know my family is there should I need them.

I’m 86, have very limited mobility and live 200 miles from my children and grandchildren. However, I am perfectly happy and because I live in a retirement flat with help available I don’t think I am a burden to my family.

I suppose I miss going to the theatre and concerts, but I am lucky in that I saw many great performers and have such wonderful memories. Luckily my mind is very active still, so I am never bored.

I don’t have a ‘role’ anymore, and after bringing up my boys single-handed (I was widowed young) I am grateful not to have any responsibilities! I see my family regularly, we all get on well, and I enjoy life.

I fell wanted by my family and always have done . I was widowed 19 years ago and have lived with my DD and her family for the past 15 years . We get on great and I have my own en suit bathroom and bedroom . I also have my own living room which can be changed into a ground floor bedroom if I become to disabled to get up the stairs . We joke that my house proud DD wouldn’t have an ugly stairlift installed 😂.
My DS1 lives nearby and I’m very much involved with his family giving some care for my autistic granddaughter.
My DS2 and his partner visit regularly . I love all my children and know I’m very lucky to be cared for by them . I’m sorry not everyone has the same experience with their family.

Tuliptree

Luckygirl3

I think many of these replies depend on the level of physical ability that people have. There are many who have serious limitations to the things that they might wish to do.

This. I think it’s very easy to take physical health and mobility for granted when neither is a problem or impacts on everyday life. Many doors are (literally and metaphorically) closed in such circumstances. The other things it’s easy to take for granted are still having your partner, having your children/grandchildren close by and not having financial worries.

I agree.

Why , as older people, do we have to have a "role" at all ? Horrible word "role" in current usage now seems to refer to what we used to call, simply, "a job". What happened to our "Golden Years" and laying down the burdens of work and worry and striving after a lifetime of all of the above ? People of all ages work out what makes them happy and work towards it. Older people should be no different. Altruistic deeds may make them happy. They may not.Each to their own. Incidentally I don't notice anyone knocking themselves out to take responsibility for me now that I am nearly 75. I neither want it nor need it but the occasional offer would be nice.

In my opinion our role should be as wise, experienced and tactful advisors (not interferers!) But age is rarely respected these days - people prefer the internet.

Just a simple question why do some people say "it is better than being dead" how do we know what being dead is like? the Bible says Heaven is a better place ..?? just asking..

My mum had a senior nursing job until she retired and then filled her time helping family and on several charity committees. She had always run the household including the finances. She was 89 when my dad died, they had been together 70 years, mum basically gave up. We tried hard to keep her motivated and happy, someone visited every day, she was involved in family get togethers and more great grandchildren were born. We had glimpses of the old mum but she was always asking why am I still here? and what use I am to anyone now. It was so sad to see a once vibrant, engaging, strong lady lose her enthusiasm for living.

I was Mummy for twenty five years then Granny for another twenty five. Then I wasn’t needed anymore and started needing them instead.
I’m still looking after three precious furries, who give me an important reason to stay alive.

Your work is done, it’s time to relax and enjoy whatever takes your fancy! I love having the freedom and time to pursue my own interests and turn my home into a cosy haven. I don’t need a “role”, I’m happy just being me.

Like GG I start each day being as positive as possible.

I’m sorry you are feeling that way Luckygirl
We have AC but no GC so have not put our lives on hold as it were for them.
We have had our own hobbies (yes we have health issues - Cancer being one ) but we have a fulfilled life.
Of course that will change when one of us survives the other which is inevitable.
For the past few years I have been losing my big family of siblings and their spouses and that is sad.
Evokes many memories of long ago.

GrannyGravy13

Tuliptree
But for some people their life experiences make it easier to be positive. Walking in someone’s shoes etc
And for some their earlier life experiences were so awful, if they didn’t now have a glass half full outlook they would/could be in a continuous cycle of why me

I don’t quite understand your point here. I think I’m losing the thread really. What I think I’m trying to say is that depending on your personal circumstances, then the impact of chronic health problems such as LG mentions is very different,. Living on your own for example or worrying about money or not having family near by can hugely impact your positivity and I don’t think people in those circumstances should somehow be made to feel failures for not dancing around with positivity

We don't have a purpose. It can actually be a relief not to have a purpose, but to take each day as it comes and try to find pleasure in what you can do and enjoy for its own sake. If you can occasionally make a difference to someone else that's fine, but we don't need to keep looking for a reason to be, by being of use to someone else.

Whitewavemark2 I am just over a decade behind you, but I so agree 👍

Tuliptree

But for some people their life experiences make it easier to be positive. Walking in someone’s shoes etc

And for some their earlier life experiences were so awful, if they didn’t now have a glass half full outlook they would/could be in a continuous cycle of why me

I think that having got successfully to this age - 80 - I can afford to be a bit of an hedonist.

To this end I spend a lot of time planning and doing stuff we enjoy.

Just wish it would cool down!!

But for some people their life experiences make it easier to be positive. Walking in someone’s shoes etc

Tuliptree

Sorry that was a response to GG . Also I want to add that some people with terminal cancer do not have well controlled pain relief or have other symptoms that make life really hard and their last months anything but worth living even with the most families. In the last 3 years I’ve lost 3 people really close to me with terminal cancer and their deaths and the few months before were dreadful.

Yep, so have I.

Each persons death is different, as is each person.

I have been raised to be a positive person, and that is what I endeavour to be.