"the sensible one" ( friendship)

None of us is the same as we were 30 years ago or more.
Life’s problems change us all in lots of ways,losing people,illness either your own or friends and family ,financial worries or just ordinary day to day events.
I was always a risk taker in business and in my private life but I,m not now.
I was very sociable outgoing ,lively …now I,m happy just with my kids and gran hildren and refuse loads of invitations to events.
I,ve dropped friends who were negative ,why put up with folk who bring you down.
I worked with the public for over 50 years and just don’t want to spend time with large or small groups.
I think a lot of it is normal ,some due to losing a lot of my closest friends .
Whatever the reason it’s nothing to do with anyone else .
Let folk live how they want and just get on with your own life!,

I tend to agree, in that, people do change over time. We all evolve depending on the circumstances. Sometimes support disappears, or changes shape. We need to change as well when different events occur. It is just life. Nothing stay the same. People are no different. Perhaps you could try to raise some aspects of this with each of them? It would perhaps produce an interesting and insightful discussion for each of you.

I've always been the sensible, reliable one. If I'm on a committee and volunteer to do a job, it will get done. However, sometimes I think I should get less reliable and be seen as the scatty one who forgets everything! Maybe I'd get asked to do less.

My son is always seen as the sensible one amongst his friends. At Uni when he shared a flat, he was known as "Daddy" as he sorted out all the bills, shopping orders and things. If there was a problem he was the one who sorted it out. Often the girls would confide all their problems to him and ask his advice. It used to make us chuckle but when I think about it, his sister who was the most anxious person with loads of issues was the same with her friends. However, when I listened to some of her arguments with me, I used to wonder how she would get on in the world with such skewed logic and a lack of control with her own finances! Some people are just naturally born to be such organisers, I guess and as long as they are happy doing it, it is a great skill.

greyfur16

This is not coming over well.....I don't want to gossip about people on line but I'm not really making sense.

Friend One has always put out the vibe that she is a coper and will deal pleasantly with whatever comes her way, admirable.It's not authentic though because there is so much backstory and on going stress/ uncertainty

Friend Two similar, maintains all is well, even when faced with things which would floor most people.

Most of us do that, it is called a front, we all have issues underneath, but why share and make everyone else miserable, better to pretend all is well and get past it. At least you can be happy with friends whilst you pretend. Be happy with them and support where you can if you think that is required, but that may just be your opinion not theirs.!!

It's a bit of a jumble for sure. I think we create a story about a person...the high achiever, the coper, the homebird and so on.
Meanwhile they are creating their own. In my case the loopy one possibly.

30 years on, I see the stereotypes are not correct.

Sorry your post makes no sense??

As you haven't been specific it's hard to judge .
I also don't like to gossip .
I'm reeling from a friend's sudden decision to divorce her husband now she's about to get her pension .
It will leave her financially compromised and has caused a great deal of upset with their sons .
She does exactly as she pleases without keeping house-and he tolerates it.
And another friend ,who has invited a man to stay with her in her fabulous mansion in a gated community-not knowing anything about him .
Men have mid - life crises maybe we ,females to do though later .
As I age I've become more reserved and serious.

Sometimes people we know well can do a complete 180 degree turn. Who knows the dreams they had of just taking off somewhere and starting again when they were tied down - or what plans they hugged to themselves. Or what resentment was building.
Someone I knew very well for more than 2 decades suddenly changed her life in a drastic way and I hardly recognise her now.

However deep down I think the warning signs are there if we think back. Tiny hints - of frustration and things which interest them etc.

The person I knew had done an about turn about 23 years previously, so probably time for another one. We never know anyone 100%.

Can relate, Spaghetti

I've just been to Sainsburys and I'm exhausted.

I used to be a big campaigner greyfur

I still do some but am rather fed up with everything these days.
I sometimes wonder where all the fire and passion has gone.

It's years now since I did any concerted lobbying.
🙄

Sorry to hear that Spaghetti

When I say pinging I don't mean dashing about having lovely holidays. I mean making seemingly irrational decisions.

Clarification was needed, but difficult if privacy for others is paramount.

Fallingstar

I think it is the way you put it in your OP greyfur16, you were not clear and then everyone jumped on board.
You can remove a post if you want to though am not entirely sure how, and maybe start again - if you really want to.

No problem, Thanks anyway.

greyfur16 that makes total sense now.

How true.
I am a probably seen as a shadow of my former self!

I think it is the way you put it in your OP greyfur16, you were not clear and then everyone jumped on board.
You can remove a post if you want to though am not entirely sure how, and maybe start again - if you really want to.

I feel like I have made myself a bit vulnerable with this post.

Yes, the second sentence is related to the OP.

Just as we assign roles within families, perhaps some of us do it with friends.....think Sex in the City or (indeed!) Friends. The cookie one, the ambitious one, the accident prone one and so on.

Things have evolved and we are all very different people from 30 odd years ago.

Older people often enjoy a freedom to ping around that was denied earlier when they had to work, be financially prudent, support children or elderly parents

They may have retired on a pension, mortgage paid; their parents have died and their children are independent and self-supporting .

No job, no debts, no responsibilities; a steady income.

Time to cut loose and do what the hell you like.

greyfur16

I know a couple of very long standing female friends who I have long regarded as sensible.

I see their lives more clearly and they are making decisions which seem for from sensible.Pinging about from one thing to the next.
Perhaps I am sensible after all?
However, the world has gone mad for sure.

Gone mad? Why are you only realising now that it’s completely mad!

Some people can seem to act without sense to others.
A friend spent all her savings on exotic holidays another moved on her own to another part of the country after living in the same house for forty years.
If things make sense to them then that's all that matters.

greyfur16

I am trying to say the "picture" I have formed of people maybe 30 years ago is not todays reality.

I think it is sensible to value yourself, to pace yourself , to attend to your health, to remain active and interested.

Are you referring to your friends or people in general?

Is your second sentence related to your OP.?

Maybe they aren't the people that the OP thought she knew.
That might matter...

Things evolve. Life changes prople.
I don't understand why it matters to you?

I am trying to say the "picture" I have formed of people maybe 30 years ago is not todays reality.

I think it is sensible to value yourself, to pace yourself , to attend to your health, to remain active and interested.

greyfur16

It's a rather incoherent post from me. I suppose it's that swan gliding with the duck feet underneath. What they put out is not the reality.

It might not be your idea of reality, but it’s theirs.
Could you give an idea of what you regard as sensible?