What would you do about this family message?

I would ignore the message. You could be setting yourself up for a load of grief.

MG55

Say, “Thank you” and leave it at that.
Take care of yourself 💐

I would do this.

It acknowledges her message but requires no further input on your part.

I wouldn't trust her either - she sounds like a narcissistic grifter.

The leopard does not change his spots. Do what is best for you, your family, your peace, and most of all your time. I would just ignore it and say I had not seen it/was taking life easy/and just go radio silent. Let other people deal with her and keep as far away as possible. You have to ask yourself is she or it worth it? Do you gain anything by engaging?

MG55

Say, “Thank you” and leave it at that.
Take care of yourself 💐

I agree.
A simple "Thank you" and leave it at that. No more.

She may be ill and hoping for some support?
If any more messages are forthcoming, speak to your children and tell them the full story.

Delete and block!

Trust your gut instinct, it will usually lead you to the right decision.

Yes, ignore it.She can't ignore you for six years and then pop up as though nothing has happened.
Get on with your own life and don't let her stir things up for you .

Well I think we are all in agreement … ignore the message and her

To the OP…avoid her at all costs!

I’d ignore her

I think I would ignore it. Tell your children that you don't want to go into the ins and outs because you wanted them to make up their own mind. They will know that she did not visit when your husband was ill and they are not likely to want to have a relationship with her.
Take care of yourself, delete the email and try your best to put it out of your mind, although I realise that is not easy.

There’s your answer, then, Luckygirl. You will never trust or respect her and she has already disrespected you, so I think the decision is clear cut. Don’t bother to reply, then you can stop mulling over it and get back to doing what makes you happy.

It smells like she’s after something, I’d ignore it.

Just leave it.

Look after yourself and do not start any communication, it will only lead to further messages and unknown agenda/s, and put constant anxiety into your life from now on.

You don't owe her anything now and you must put your health and good mental health first. This is your time of quiet, peace and contemplation - not other people's dramas and intrusion. IMHO.

Personally I would not contact anyone who had lost a loved one 6 years after their passing, using their 'birthday' as a sly way in.

When my FIL died, she and her OH rolled up early for the funeral unbeknownst to us, got into his flat and put anything of value into their camper van. They drove away right after the funeral service and went back abroad and left my OH and I with the massive task of clearing the flat and sorting everything out.
We were left with his electric ear wax remover, complete with wax!
I did not care that they had taken the stuff ... less for us to deal with and we did not want it ... but not to discuss it with my OH and to do dive in and grab and then leave..... not great.

I do not need this in my life.

Luckygirl3

The problem for me is that I do not trust her - with some justification! I feel I do not want to open a door and regret it. I am not well enough to deal with her.

Then don’t respond Luckygirl………focus on your health as you do not need the stress that might come out of the woodwork if you let her back into your life. Take care of yourself 💐

Either as MG55 suggests or ignore completely. I cannot see that she will bring anything to your life - she’s missed the boat.

Don’t bother with her. Sometimes it’s better to cut ties for your own peace of mind.

I feel you should step away from
this situation, 6 years is a long time and she is your sister in law not your sister, also looks like even your OH didn’t get along with her. Your call of course but for your own wellbeing I think you need to ignore this message and get on with your life.

Afraid I d probably not renew this ‘poor’ relationship, you have to think of yourself now, and it doesn’t sound as if she’s ever thought much about you. So I d say yes delete the message and forget about her, as she obviously does you when she doesn’t want sonething.

The problem for me is that I do not trust her - with some justification! I feel I do not want to open a door and regret it. I am not well enough to deal with her.

Say, “Thank you” and leave it at that.
Take care of yourself 💐

winterwhite

I think if it were me, for my OH’s sake I’d reply in a friendly way and wait and see what happens next.

So the olive branch response I suppose. It doesn’t sound as though she lives near you.

My OH had very little contact with her when he was alive. They did not come and see him during the years of his long drawn out deterioration and dying.

Just that she is thinking of us on my OH's birthday. One sentence.

I think if it were me, for my OH’s sake I’d reply in a friendly way and wait and see what happens next.

So the olive branch response I suppose. It doesn’t sound as though she lives near you.