Disappointed in friend

I'm much the same these days.
I'm aware I've got the most boring life ever, and I don't want to put on people.
Perhaps I alienate people (or maybe I'm just dislikeable, anyway)

I agree with Romola - it is sometimes hard to understand that some people find reaching out to make contact very difficult and actually think something like this: I'd like to see this person but do not want to be pushy - so I will see if they ask to see me. That will reassure me that they do like me and I will do all I can then to meet them.
If you do not have those feelings and thoughts (or something like them) it is hard to stand in their shoes - but in the past when I felt very unsure of myself, I realise i did think like this. I was always grateful when someone reached out to me.

I find that I am called upon by friends when it suits them which is ok by me. However, if I want company to go somewhere they always make an excuse
So I go alone or not at all. They all have husbands whereas I am a widow. Consequently I no longer suggest meeting up as I hate being rejected, never ring for a chat either as always wrong time. This applies to children as well, so I could be regarded as the silent 'friend'.

Bizarrely she actually messaged me last night about going out for a bite to eat, I was telling her my youngest was struggling with her job, my friends response? Nothing!

crazyH

I have no time for certain so-called friends. I have an 86 year old neighbour (since 2008) . She is widowed now (husband was lovely) . She knocks on my door daily and wants to ‘chat’. It’s all about her new boyfriend - really, I don’t want to hear about her sex life. She has no children and has zero interest in mine. I doubt she knows how many children and GC I have.
So now, I have decided not to answer the door to her.
The only time I will be happy to see her is at our neighbours get-togethers.
She has targeted me because I was very kind to her when she lost her husband….. giving her lifts, shopping etc (she doesn’t drive)
But no more, that’s it…

Oh wow a bf and a sex life at 86 good on her

.

Yes!! Do please invite her in and then come back here and tell us more!!!!
.

I'm thinking, don't give up on your friend. If she has no family and no work her self-esteem may be low and she might feel she's bothering a busy person like you.
Without wanting to seem priggish, I think that if you have a full and happy life, it's good to be a bit generous to those who may be less fortunate.
I appreciate my friends who stay in touch with me, an elderly widow whose AC live far away.

I'm so sorry that your friend disappoints you.
Today by chance ,I found about yet another lie my so -called friend has told me .
I felt physically sick.
I said nothing.
And I shan't.
I've known her for 30 years and have been extremely supportive ,kind and generous .
She's the friend,who is selling her house secretly.
I've discovered that she is only interested in people,who benefit her in some way.
Now she's disappointed with her holiday as she had to pay for some of her meals and is complaining that her new best friend is emotionally unstable and demanding.
In the past , she was kind to my ailing father and it's for that reason that I've turned a blind eye.
Now I feel as though she thinks that I'm an idiot .
I hope that both of us make new friends who are worthy of us .

We gave family like this. You just have to stick with it otherwise you will drift apart and will never be able to get your relationship back on track. I have an old school friend where we drifted apart. I
Made the first love and met up with her but it was very awkward to say the least. I haven’t seen her again since that makes me sad.

I have a friend who is divorced and has no children. I’ve enjoyed her company (well, kind of) over the years, but she does bang on about herself all the time and doesn’t even ask about my DH or family. She can’t seem to relate to my life, so I don’t talk about them, as if they don’t exist. I’m thinking of letting her friendship go as we’ve seen less and less of one another in the last few years and she’s forgotten to honour an arrangement to meet on more than one occasion. She has contacted me in the past to meet, or I text her, so I think that’s why I want to keep the friendship going, although we have less and less contact now. So it’s not all one-sided, but I think that friendships have a shelf life. Some perish quickly, some after a while, but the best ones can last a lifetime.

Absolutely this ❤️

I had a so-called friend who increasingly used me as a taxi service although she can drive and has a car. On one occasion I said would she like to drive for a change as it would be a treat for me to be driven. She arranged to do this and then backed out at the last minute and I haven't heard from her since!
Used or what?!

Indeed Lesley60 😂

Wow she’s lucky having a sex life at 86

Many people don’t change, just very set in their own ways. Any relationship has to be a 2 way street, if it’s not, it’s time to walk away and spend time with those who value you and actually want to be with you. I have a friend with no children and she just expects everyone to rally around her while she makes little effort, so I just walked away.

I think you have to decide how much you value this friendship. The fact that you have asked the question probably means you are doubting it. I let things slide for the friends I really cherish, and good friends are hard to come by. You have a long history together, but if it’s negative you know the answer.

I’ve cut ties with a couple of friends like that. I figure if I mean so little to them maybe they do t really want to be friends!

srn63

I've given up running after "friends" and I don't bother with people who don't ask after me and mine and are only interested in taking about themselves. My "friend" group has gone down considerably, but obviously they were never friends in the first place. I feel lighter and cherish the people that I can now call proper friends.

Very wise 😃

MissA and all who want to know more, I shall open the door for her, once I get over my stressful 2 days at the dentist - fillings yesterday and extraction later today. Oh I wish I’d looked after my teeth !!!! 😂

😬 I'm quite in awe of people who can still muster up the enthusiasm.
It must be good for for them, health wise, I'm sure.

MissAdventure

I'd love to hear all about that

Re:- Sex life at 86. Around the same age, my late MIL found a "boyfriend" after she had been widowed for a few years. She re-discovered sex and started to bang on about it all the time. Believe me, you wouldn't want to hear all about that.

What really annoys me is that I too have some friends and some family members who make no effort to keep in touch. When I call they will say 'Oh, i haven't heard from you for a while'. I have a sister who seldom calls and when I do call her she asks very little about me or my family but will spend more than an hour talking about her ailments or her family. I have got to the stage where I want to spend my time, both physical presence and time spent on the phone with people who, like me, who are interested in other people and not just themselves. I'm getting too old to waste anymore of my precious time.

MissAdventure

Next time she tells you, come straight on here and regale us with all the lurid details.

Yes, next time she knocks, open the door haha