Domestic Abuse, Victims and Perpetrators UK

We have four boys and 5 GS’s.

From day one I have drummed into them how not to treat or speak to women, as has my DH.

Men’s and boy’s attitudes are formed from an early age in the home. If they see their father or any male role model being respectful to their mother and other female family members that is when they begin to learn respect and how to interact with the opposite sex.

Unfortunately some boys have not got a stable male role model, some see their mother abused by their father. With some boys this makes them go on to abuse, with others it can make them go the other way and respect others.

All we as mothers and grandmothers can do is educate the males within our family.

I find the rehabilitation of men who abuse women very tricky I am afraid, I am sure it happens and I know people who are very supportive of that approach but I cant help be cynical about it.

Well done you Cossy, I imagine that kind of work is extremely exhausting emotionally but so important.
Sadly I think is a culture of misogyny, with the likes of the Tate brothers and sites online that can make some young men feel it is ok to treat girls and women badly. I believe there are videos online showing men beating and strangling girls and whilst raping them and I also believe that school age boys are watching thus in some instances.
The majority of men do not, however, turn out to be violent towards women, but a big enough minority do. And without government funding to provide more refuges and local projects aimed at rehabilitating men who are violent towards women what can we do??
Why is it inevitable that every year women will be murdered by men they should have been able to trust??

I can add a very depressing news item from 10 October 2025.

It has been disclosed that 129 Metropolitan police, who are still working as front line officers, are under investigation for sexual and/or domestic abuse.

While living in London, I had more than one personal experience of verbal abuse of a misogynistic, sexual nature from several members of the Met.

I would hazard a guess that this behaviour is not exclusive to the Met.

If the significant minority of police officers who behave in this way are among the men who are supposed to be preventing this behaviour, I begin to despair.

I support a women's refuges in my area. I do find it depressing that that figure of nearly 2 women killed a week has remained static for a very long time.

I agree with you Cossy, but I’d like to add that 1 in 3 victims of domestic abuse and violence are male. ONS.
Maybe more, as men are unlikely to come forward and report abuse.