Conundrum regrding friendship.

Being bright and breezy is a way of 'repelling all boarders, when you do not want to talk to them about a specific subject.

Cressy

If it’s a good, trusted friend I would talk about my worries and expect her to feel able to do the same. I wouldn’t want it to dominate our whole time together though unless the friend is really troubled. Then they could take as long as they need and vice versa. Casual friends/groups - I might just reply ‘oh the usual ‘ and then prefer to chat about lighter stuff.

Yes!

If it’s a good, trusted friend I would talk about my worries and expect her to feel able to do the same. I wouldn’t want it to dominate our whole time together though unless the friend is really troubled. Then they could take as long as they need and vice versa. Casual friends/groups - I might just reply ‘oh the usual ‘ and then prefer to chat about lighter stuff.

I must admit I do get tired of people talking non stop about their health. After my son died a friend talked nonstop for two hours about her ailments. I do wonder whether it annoys me as I was a nurse in a previous life!

Eazybee I mean the ones in the group comments constantly about their “ailments”.

I think, when in a group, it is best to be chatty and upbeat. My comments earlier are more about a 1-2-1 meet-up or phone call

eazybee

A good friend is a good listener, but not all the time.
Everybody needs to pour out their woes at times in their life, to have them received sympathetically and non-judgementally, because it helps the sufferer make sense of what is happening.
That is different from those who spend every coffee meet-up detailing their many and varied ailments, in one case totally imaginary, the failures of their doctors and the side effects of their medication,- not pleasant when you are eating.

That sounds awful!

eazybee 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 good advice

Have stopped saying how things are for me right now, I generally fake it and say we’re fine, otherwise it is just too miserable, and when I am with friends, though most dropped off when my DH had a stroke, I much prefer to talk about anything other than me.
Some good neighbours know better as do my amazing close family. So I do have someone to vent to, but in general I think friends don’t want to keep hearing how bad things are for a member of their group.

A good friend is a good listener, but not all the time.
Everybody needs to pour out their woes at times in their life, to have them received sympathetically and non-judgementally, because it helps the sufferer make sense of what is happening.
That is different from those who spend every coffee meet-up detailing their many and varied ailments, in one case totally imaginary, the failures of their doctors and the side effects of their medication,- not pleasant when you are eating.

It takes time to share, if you first meet someone and all they talk about is negatives it hard to want to meet up again, we all have problems and getting out for a friendly chat cup of coffee etc to forget or a time away from our probs, dosnt help if all you hear is hospital appointments ,,doctors results, these things get shared over time when you know the person well and have made a good friendship, good friendship takes time.

I actually think any decent friend should listen to all things, good and bad, grumpy or joyous.

It all sounds a bit “stepford” wives just to always be positive.

Part of friendship is the ability to listen to your friends have a rant, be a shoulder to cry on and then to cheer each up and on!

That’s what’s happens in my very small friendship group and then we all laugh!

I was brought up to say "fine thanks" if asked how I was (even if my leg was falling off!)

How are you *Luckygirl3"? - "Oh, not so bad. thanks."

Complete lie of course, but I can't be grinding on about my life's challenges all the time ....... I would bore myself, let alone anyone else!

I would only reveal such feelings to a long trusted friend. As you say most people want positive friendship but long term friends can be trusted to listen and understand your worries etc as I hope I would.