inlaws

Why didn't you phone ahead to check if it was OK? Put yourself in their shoes, they had a houseful of visitors and were just dishing up a meal, when a whole gang of relatives that had seen the day before rock up unannounced. They could have dealt with it more graciously, but it must have seemed a bit odd to them. I would hope I would have invited you in for a drink while I was rushing around doing the meal, but I wouldn't have been too happy about it.

I would have had no problem with my son and his wife and family coming in and sitting and chatting whilst we had our meal, but everyone is different, I assume that you have not experienced your MIL being so inflexible before or you would not have dropped by. Can you talk to her about it now the visitors have left.

Maybe your DH could apologise to his mother for all of you turning up unexpectedly. That would give her a chance to put her side, or at least it would start to smooth things over.

Oh dear. Your MiL could be regretting her attitude now and be pleased if there was fhe chance to explain. My guess is she was feeling frazzled and couldn't cope with the unexpected. Aware I was less than welcoming to one son and his family recently who appeared out of the blue when I was in the middle of a computer crisis. I've apologised but still feel bad. It will blow over.

I would never turn up without prior arrangements I think your mother in law handled it badly but so did you by just turning up sorry if that sounds a bit blunt but I think you were both wrong so maybe a phone call to say sorry would help and get things back on an even keel

Ditto BlueBelle

I think if I was --flapping around getting hot and bothered- cooking I might get a bit flustered but would probably have sent you all to talk to the visitors and keep them occupied whilst I got on in the kitchen, then left you to make yourselves a while we ate.

But - it is a good idea to phone first I think. It isn't always convenient, even with family.

My door is always open to guests if someone takes the time to visit me .

wow, I'm shocked with some of the replies, guess I just expected to be treated the way i would have treated unexpected guests. I would never tell anyone to leave my house just because it was dinner time (especially my only grandchildren) and especially not in-front of all their distant relatives. If I ever told my in-laws to leave the house like that it would be the last id ever see of them.

I think it was a very weird way to treat you. I don't understand why you couldn't just wait until they'd eaten and then spent the evening with them.

Has your MIL treated you like this before?

no, it was a total shock. The kids kept saying 'cant believe granny told us to leave the house', We all sat in the car shocked. They don't spend much if any time with the kids, so maybe they were afraid that would have shown, who knows

Should have phoned ahead - it's only polite. Yes, your MiL handled it badly but you were the one who caused the problem so you should apologise to clear the air.

Your right Valerie72 and I wouldn't tell anyone to leave either and that was bad but I also would never turn up without checking it was convienent, so basically I can see what happened from both sides it was awkward all round I just think your mum in law acted without thinking and is probably as miserable as you about it so I d be the person to apologise first

No sorry not apologising, they turn up as and when they want without phoning us, its never been an issue, In fact the the last time they had a lot of visiting relatives about 3 years ago, they asked the kids for a sleep over a week before their party. The kids were running round showing everyone their beds and kiddy tooth brushes that suddenly appeared in the bathroom. Thats more or less the only time the kids have stayed, their not your typical grandparents, maybe they didn't want that being known. only reason I can think of that they wouldn't want us there.

Heres another thing they did years ago, wonder what you all think of this. They headed away to a wedding for the weekend. My husbands Aunt was getting married. The day before they came back we went to the house with fresh milk and so on. There on the kitchen counter was our invitation to the wedding, they never told us about it??? my husband said nothing to his parents about it as didn't want to cause any upset

OMG what a horrible thing to do.

If they turn up uninvited then I don't see how they can complain when you do the same.

Why would she turn away her son and grandchildren? You did nothing wrong at all,you're family and should be able to turn up anytime. Oh just read about the wedding invitation. Has she ever done anything strange like that before? That's a weird way to act with an invitation it means the bride didn't get a reply from you for her invite and will think you ignored it. I'm afraid I would have to say something about both incidents. Men will never challenged their mother about her behavior they like a quiet life.

annemac101, mu husband doesn't like to say anything, do you think it odd for a mother in law to buy her daughter in law a set of knifes for her birthday?

I wouldn't treat anyone like that. I feel your mother in law is not really a kind person. How could she treat her grandchildren in such a dismissive way? It's just unkind

yearofthetiger, my children are not babies that would have been running around, They sit and are very well behaved. There has been loads that my MIL has done, but nobody answers back maybe thats the problem

I think you have answered your own question. It reads that your MIL is in control, and people tread carefully round her. If she calls on you without invites, then why should you not call on her. Wedding invite not being past on is very unkind. You have a choice, talk to her or let it go. I would talk to her myself, I had a difficult MIL and try hard to be the opposite with my children's partners, but issues can only be resolved if you raise them and make your feeling known and dicuss without getting into a row.

My family are welcome anytime..my kids don't need an invitation,keep stuff in freezer spare ..he's a veggie...although not married friends/partners/although and GF welcome...all different my mum once sent me away after a 20 mile journey made to give her mothers day gifts with 2 children we wasn't staying ..her reason she was going out with BF that night it was 11am she always complained of being left out....

So there is history here. I wouldn't blame you if you decided not to contact her and leave it up to your OH to liaise with his family. I still think, given you know what she is like, you should have phoned first before appearing on the doorstep. At least you would have avoided the unpleasant confrontation.

I would never call in without calling ahead, neither would our daughters or son.

My late and beloved mum did it to me once, and although she stayed for a cup of coffee and a chat, I was up to my eyes in cleaning, she could see it was not a convenient time as I needed to get everything put back before picking up the youngest from playgroup.
It was my daughters birthday last week, we had seen one another the day before and card n presents were dropped off. We were passing in the early evening and I decided not to drop in as I bet that they had got their young sons to bed and were sitting down to a quiet birthday meal, so I didn't ring either. When we spoke the next day, she said she had rung me but getting no answer presumed we were out so didn't leave a message. When I explained where we had been and why I had not popped in or rang, she said spot on!
BUT why have all three got keys to our house and alarm code yet we only have house keys to our sons!
However I think in this case I would want an explanation for the wedding invitation, and how clarity on 'calling in' behaviours that applies to everyone in terms of consistentcy.