Should I take a gift? If so, what would be appropriate

My mum (and lots of older people) really appreciated chocolates.

She might not know you but, if she has a lovely time with you, she will feel happy for much longer than your visit.

Toiletries are a good idea, as they're often in short supply, or are 'borrowed' for the poor souls who have no family to keep them supplied.

The home I worked in provided toiletries, bubble bath etc. I would take her favourite snacks or chocolates. My Dad always appreciated those. Pringles crisps were his personal favourites.

Oh, I've never worked anywhere that provided them.
Ah well, maybe scrap that idea then.

She might like something to hold - have you seen "twiddle muffs" - you could make one, but you can also buy them if you google.

I'm sure all patients and staff would love cake though!

I have visited people with the same condition. How about a box of fruit jellies? Perhaps winegums? They don't melt as easily as chocolate and you are going on a long journey on public transport.

Also, when the person is eating them, chocolates can get very messy. I suppose it depends on how the dementia affects them.

Do you have a family photo album? If she wouldn’t find it too upsetting.

To eat , the bags of old fashioned sweets that you can get in the supermarkets, humbugs etc.

Smellies are always nice

My mil had dementia and we bought her toiletries but they don't use soap in the homes , it has to be shower gel or talc. Mil also loved a cute decent sized stuffed animal , she was given a bear at one time by a company visiting the home and she got so much love and comfort from it , she cuddled it ,tried to feed it , chatted away to it for ages . Cakes to share is another good choice or a soft blanket or throw but it would need a name tag on it for laundry .

Why not give the home a call and ask about toiletries and also her favourite foods? That way you’ll be sure. Hope the visit goes well.

My mum doesn't like to go empty handed when she visits her sister, but soon stopped taking sweets or chocolates when she discovered that her sister's room was full of them. Part of the problem is that her dementia is now at the stage where she forgets about the sweets, or doesn't know what to do with them,
Last time, Mum simply took her a nice ripe peach, which she encouraged her to eat there and then.

I'd take a container of pretty iced cup cakes - one for her, one for you, one each for the other ladies . It's a little treat , and it's nice to share.

My father in law visited his wife daily and always took 4 Belgian chocolate truffles, cut in half for her to eat whilst he sat with her. We carried on the tradition after his death.

thank you everybody, so many helpful suggestions. I've got a week or so before I go, so plenty of time to organise a selection of the things that have been mentioned.

I am most grateful to you all for taking the time to reply.

We knew that MIL used to enjoy a glass of Guinness so we took in a few bottles. Next visit we were very tactfully requested not to bring her any more - apparently she had become somewhat bolshy after drinking it - as she was only about 4'9" tall I would love to have seen her.

Elderly dementia patients can often feel reassured by carrying round a dolly.

I wouldn't take anything at all but, whilst there, see if there was any item which seemed desirable and pop out for it or send it later. Under the circumstances I think it's the visit that matters and not 'stuff' but I do understand your kind motivation. Hope your visit goes well.

This reminds me ofa conversation I once overheard between two ladies at the till in a greegrocer's. One was buying a bunch of flowers to take to someone with dementia in a nursing home. Her friend said, " Why not take a pot plant? It would last longer," but the reply was, "Oh no, no, not a pot plant. I tried that, and she buried her teeth in the compost!"

So there's another suggestion, flowers - or a pot plant?

I agree with corner that was my first thought. I don't think you can lump all dementia patients into one group, each is still an individual and if there are no other family members to ask the care home has to be the best bet.

Definitely ask the care home. She might need some items of clothing ( as mentioned they would need her name putting in) or have a favourite perfume that reminds her of her past? Photos are an excellent idea but it all depends on the stage of the dementia.

My Mum recently enjoyed the handful of cherries which I took in to her. They are plentiful at the moment and quite delicious and not the type of fruit the care home would provide.

I used to read to Mom when we went into the nursing home. I would take in a favourite book of poetry she liked and a Bible to read special passages from.

When they are further on with dementia it is often difficult to have a conversation with them hence the books as it passes time.

I used to hold mom's hand when reading to her and I know she got great comfort from it. They don't lose there feelings. Its their memory and bodily functions that go.

Yes a teddy bear and Disney soft toy are all good ideas too

If the lady has a CD or DVD player, why not take a music disc of an era that she used to love - maybe the 50's, 60's or 70s, or even from the year she was born? They say that music can really help people with dementia and listening to music which she can relate to might bring some comfort to her as well as you, Annakist, and it is something which will last, to be listened to over and over again.

Annakist.It is but a short time since your last visit to see your SIL when, sadly, she did not recognise you so time will mean nothing to her. I recall my own experience when late DH had dementia and it broke my heart to experience the vacant stare I experienced when I visited him in the care home. Prior to my visits I would phone the home and ask what did they suggest I bring for DH as they were with him twenty four seven and had a far better idea what he might like or would be appropriate. I think you should do this but believe just being their for your SIL will be more beneficial whether she recognises you or not . Hold her hand talk to her whether she understands you or not. Human contact is worth far more than flowers or chocolates.

my mum loved toys. I gave her a tube with coloured bits in that you upended and they made a lovely rattle then fell into patterns (3 year old grandson loved it too), also a stress ball that made a noise - she laughed at them every time and I had such joy watching her revert to a child. If there are any associations to her happier times - travel by train or airplane, bus etc something she may remember so you could perhaps chat? I miss her every day (and my dad) .