If the younger generation have Mummy Porn.....

Perhaps not watermelons?

Anagram , I did wonder too!

What - she keeps melons in her pants?

phoenix

Mr. Beige unzipped Ana's pants, so he could more readily access her melons.

They lay spent, side by side, each engrossed in their own thoughts. He was sated, but concerned, "If I had known she was a virgin I would have been more gentle".

Nora felt guilty, that she had not been completely open and honest with him "If I had known he could actually still do it, I would have taken my tights off".

Wonderful!
(What is this 'Bella'? Is it a Geordie version of 'Stella'?

gilly, genius!

50 shades of the toon

I knew as soon as I walked through the door from dropping the bairn off at school that I was ganna get some. I peeped through the fist hole in the living room door and saw the half a roly burning away in the ashtray perched on the arm of me new Brighthouse corner settee. The telly was turned reet doon, ah cudn't even hear what Lorraine was sayin aboot the new fashions for the summer or nowt.

Then a... saw him, and me heart skipped skipped a beat (just like that Ollie Murs). He'd obviously had a crisis loan and been doon the metty coz he was wearing a fresh new trackie bottoms and brand new pair of flossies, his rippling white chest peeped out from behind the zip of his supadry coat, that was sexily only zipped halfway up, just enough to cover the tack burns but give me a cheeky glimpse of what was to come.

He pulled me towards him and whispered "Y'all reet pet" before planting the lips on me, I trembled under the aroma of Golden Virginia and stale Bella. He took me there and then, right on the Argos rug whilst our staffy Tyson looked on. He left without a word, but he would return soon, with tales of a fight in the Jobcentre queue and his joy at finding a pound coin on the floor of the 54. I tried to settle myself with a tab and a can but all the while that one question burned in my heart........ Will he remember my pasty from Greggs??

Anagram...'twas like a trip to Hades. But so worth the agony of it all. We had a marvellous weekend. Will tell you more, later.The wee man is [as are all our grandchildren] the brightest little star!

Lovely to have you back, soop! Hope the trip went well (eventually!)

Have just logged on. Will read the latest happenings before the day is through. Do hope that you lot have been misbehaving!

that's just the position I like, said Mr. Biege, haha, so do I Mr. Biege, said Mr. Ecru !!

Quote :- ( just little unrelated " snatches " of mature erotic ) , enough said !!.

Sorry ..."your version"!!

I wonder if you're version will make the discussion on Women's Hour today

Hilarious nanej. Still don't feel inclined to invest in a copy.

cassandraparkin.wordpress.com/2012/05/29/adventures-in-trash-fifty-things-that-annoy-me-about-fifty-shades-of-grey/

Found this on Mumsnet ..very funny!

Lovely cartoon in Private Eye this month - two rather elderly citizens sitting at a table with a cup of tea - the cartoon is entitled "Fifty shades of earl grey"!

NOTSO AND ALL CONTRIBUTERS

Just catching up on after a few days away. This thread was fantastic, I have laughed out loud. You were all brilliant, thanks so much.

Such talent and I wonder what the hell you all had in your tap water. Sorry I missed out but a huge thanks to you all, even if you are all a little crazy, hoora.

I downloaded the free sample of 50 Shades to my Kindle. Only the first couple of chapters, so none of the porn, but I have never read such a load of clichés in such a short space. I won't be bothering to download the rest, be it never so popular.

Another winner notso well done everyone

Thank you all!! So many brilliant contributions. Proves we have good memories!

Yes, some very funny moments notso.

Thanks notso
For starting this thread.
Have not laughed like this in years.