If the younger generation have Mummy Porn.....

I think you're right nag, this has run it's course....but it was very funny with some real laugh out loud moments!! I knew there would be lots of literary talent on Gransnet.

We could always change genre? I'll keep my eyes peeled for someone starting another virtual novel.....crime/detectives maybe? Or sci-fi?

Oh dea, I feel terrible now! Sorry, phoenix, my comment was meant as a joke but when I look back it sounded mean.

Very belated apology for the repetition!

Oh dear inishowen, mention socks and most women will take to their heels! Unless of course (like me) you're trying to master knitting them top-down. So will take a cue from MaggieP and check out the knitting threads!

He bent down to remove his socks and let out a loud groan.

Not offended, gramps - I think it had just run its course...!

So sorry Ladies if I offended any of you. I got a bit carried away.

Now it was time to check in on line, see what Gransnet was up to and join in the latest threads for some reality!

Tee hee that should have been .

Anagram, you shouldn't have fallen back to sleep again! So ... the cephlapod (I had to look it up) was actually Ian Fleming's Octupussy, and she rapidly dispensed with both the Ecrus, Mr Beige, Mr Grey and anyone else who stood in her way. Completely satisfied, she went downstairs to bake. The doorbell rang and her neighbour brought her some . The oven timer pinged and she switched on the kettle and they sat down for a natter and a and a couple of [cupcakes]. The was shining, and everything was beautiful.

That's it, I'm out of here!
Grannyknot - I assure you this is not an autobiography!

From beneath the bed covers something writhed ominously. Ana watched in fascinated horror as the object gradually increased in length and pulsating with little jerky movements insinuated itself around her waist. Here it bisected, half moving upward ,toward her head, the remainder coiling downward and winding itself around her ankles. Another tendril appeared. Moving steadily toward the part which she could no longer protect! All this time it hissed and hummed a soothing"white" noise. She became more relaxed and passive.
Was this some new form of cephlapod she wondered, slipping into a deep sleep!

You're right about the horror movie Anagram, because it's MUMMY porn Eek I just realised you and the heroine are both Ana

Ana woke up with a start, relieved to find that the nightmare she'd had was just that!
'That'll teach me to drink the bathwater', she muttered, as she threw back the bedcovers, to discover that instead of her warm, winceyette, all-enveloping nightie she was wearing only a pair of rather holey long johns!
'What the...!' she exclaimed, turning to the prone form beside her, whom she presumed to be her paramour, Mr Beige.
'Who are you?' she shrieked, as the head on the pillow turned towards her and leered at her lasciviously.

(This is turning into a horror movie! I'm scaring myself...)

My dinner is burnt to bits (not part of the story), but I haven't laughed as much for months and months. Thank you Gransnetters for helping me to stay sane. grin

Everything that had ensued now affected her bodily functions. She gave out a large BURP, with trmendous volume, causing the window blind to vibrate and release itself!
As the blind cleared the window, the morning sun burst in, scattering the darkness before it.

As the brilliant light engulfed the room Mr.Ecru let out a blood curdling scream, as he vapourised into dust!
This had the effect of staunching the blood flow from Anu's seductive leg immediately. ( in case you're lost, "blood CURDLING scream!)

There were now hurried footsteps rushing up the stairs, followed shortly after by their owners!
The door burst open, to reveal -

Mr. Ecrue, now wildly excited by the thought of what pleasures for him lay ahead - SPRANG at the terrified woman (whose name now eludes me!).
He grabbed her wrists and forcing himself upon her - gave a startled cry of fury. She had eaten a large amount of her favourite garlic diish the previous meal, now his knees buckled beneath him as he released her and staggered painfully away giving a lst effort to grab her voloptuous breasts. The poor girl stood there motionless, terror still engulfing her.

With a start she realised Mr Ecru was ... a vampire! Wildly she cast her mind back to the twilight movie she had seen with her great granddaughter last summer, and as it all came flooding back, she peered over his shoulder - where were the wolves? She realised they would be greys. Someone save me! she silently cried out.

M. Ecru was nervously licking his lips, as the small trickle of blood gradually became a larger trickle, then as more blood flowed tantalisingly down her beautifully shaped , curvaceous leg.; Trying to control his lust for fresh female blood or the promise of !heavenly delights" should he follow the enticing upward flow of the beguiling flesh leading to - what delights??!! HEAVENLY!

Whilst Mr Ecru went on about his nanny's knickers, Ana allowed her attention to drift and soon she was no longer focused on the matter in hand. It certainly was more difficult these days to retain the level of heightened anticipation required for sustained sensuality. The sharp snap of the suspender elastic against her bony upper thigh brought her back with a start. She noticed a trickle of blood. Damn! It had raked off the scab where she had scratched her leg last week whilst pruning the roses. Roses ... focus! She forced herself to meet Mr Ecru's determined gaze.

Unfortunately, instead of holding up a wispy tube of American Tan nylon, Ana had been using it to attach her vest to her knickers, so she wouldn't get a draught on her back. As Mr Ecru fumbled the fastening free, she felt her salmon-pink bloomers slide to the floor in disarray (they were only her second-best pair and had seen better days).
"Those take me back!" exclaimed Mr Ecru. "My nanny used to dry hers on the ceiling-suspended airer in the nursery - I fantasised about them for years!"

Suddenly mr Ecru's hand fell upon something that transported him back to the first erotic encounter of his youth - the rubbery and infinitely challenging fastening of a suspender belt...

The bathwater was already rather 'muddied', gramps - see previous chapter!

I hope this story knits itself together in proper context!
Sorry if I've muddied the "bathwater"!

Unfortunately the liberty bodice was rather well worn, tattered even. In her rush to reclaim her treasured liberty bodice from the wildly excited Mrs Ecru, Ana tripped over a very untidy pile of underwear, (mixed male/ female variety!) and crashed into Mr Ecru. All three now struggling violently to unravel themselves from the chaos, suddenly realised that they were really enjoying themselves immensely!