Worried about GD's Diet

I think maybe we all worry a bit too much about things. A good relationship with your DiL is very important, and nobody wants to be lectured about what to feed their own baby.I do understand your concerns, but think it's better to take a back seat on this one.

Thank you for the links Nanapug - we'll have to agree to disagree on this .

I'm afraid that a couple of Wiki and magazine articles and a non-randomised study are not enough to persuade me that this style of feeding is any better/worse than the DiL's efforts.

I wonder where your DiL got the idea that it wasn't a good thing for babies to be given whatever their parents are eating? I thought the opposite was true nowadays.
I remember a friend who came to stay being amazed because I was giving my baby fruit yoghurt. She had never offered it to her's, but it seemed an obvious thing to me - easy to eat off a spoon and a more interesting taste than milk.

Yes Ana, my thoughts exactly! When I was a new Mum I had a lovely Health Visitor, who was so much help, an older lady who'd had children of her own. If I'd given my own MIL a list of instructions after having had 6 children, I'd have got a real flea in the ear! I loved her to bits though and totally trusted her to do the right thing for the grandchildren she loved. I knew she wouldn't do anything that I didn't allow like feeding endless sweets, likewise my own Mum. They both loved their grandchildren and through listening to them I learned many things that I never would have done otherwise. I didn't slavishly follow everything, but some bits they came up with were very useful!

Just think of the written instructions as a sign of her anxiety about her wee girl! Can you remember what it felt like when you were a relatively new mum who wanted everything to be perfect. Sounds like you are doing everything right and will have a lovely relationship with baby and DIL. Hang in there. They grow so quickly and the "issues" change from month to month. As I said before, just step back and enjoy!!! Grandchildren are such a joy - try not to get bogged down in the detail.

I'd say you're doing the right thing, pinkym! Certain food items are liable to show up later, if you get my drift...

I like the idea of cooking my own food for when I'm babysitting, but am so wary of my DIL, who really is so easily offended, that I daren't suggest it. When I babysit I get a minute by minute timetable, even instructing me to check that her nappy doesn't need changing if I'm going out and with a suggestion that I "might like to print these instructions out". Of course I don't follow it to the letter, but as far as "big" things like what to feed and when to go down for a nap, I feel I must do as I'm told. If I did feed her something different, I wouldn't be able to tell them! I certainly don't keep wiping her and love to see her messy little face beaming at me from the highchair!

I agree with all the non-interventionists. The little one is not being starved, which would be a different matter altogether. It is so hard learning to take a back seat I know so well, but this is your granddaughter, Pinky, not your daughter and she isn't yours to rear. It took me ages to get myself to accept this!!

When I was looking after my grandsons at that stage I would give them a spoon and finger food to mess about with, and then say later 'Leo is getting really good at using a spoon/eating finger foods, isn't he? He's developing really well!' parents love thinking their children are clever, as you know.

My daughter doesn't eat red meat so the children never get it at home. If they stay with me I try to give them home made cottage pie, spaghetti bolognaise with loads of veg blended into the sauce etc just to add that little bit extra. She is happy for me to do this. Would you be able to do this sort of thing when you are babysitting?

My other SIL is fanatical about wiping their little girl's face after every mouthful and then wonder why she has eczema on her face. It drives me mad but just have to bite my tongue.

Wisewoman you are so wise! The important thing is that the children are loved.

I do so agree with Tegan - a laid back and relaxed attitude to food is very important. We should always try and remember how we felt as young mums and how we would have felt if our MIL had been disapproving of the way we bring up our children! A good relationship with your daughter in law is so much more important than influencing the type of food the babies eat (unless they are being starved or overfed). We need to chill out. Our job is to ENJOY our grandchildren. We are not responsible for their feeding, sleeping, toilet training etc etc. My DILs had (and have) different ideas about bringing up children but all my grandchildren are happy, healthy and most importantly loved. So Pinky, relax and enjoy - you sound quite wise so I am sure you are enjoying every moment.

I honestly think, as grandparents we don't have any right to give out advice unless it's asked for, although reading Faye's post I think I'd have to say something about a child being made to eat more than he or she wants. My daughter made everything fresh and organic for her first child but, by the time the second arrived he was given all sorts of convenience foods. The older child, from eating everything that was put in front of him is now pernickety about what he eats, so we just try to give him what he wants but slip healthier food in as and when we can so as not to make an issue of it. Better a laid back relaxed approach to eating than making any sort of issue out of it and that includes as part of mother/daughter/DIL relations as well. imo [my mum used to give me raw sausages as a treat ]

Happily Riverwalk. As a former paediatric nurse tutor, with a special interest in child nutrition, I have looked at all this very closely with my DD who has done a lot of research, and now has a child who eats anything and everything in moderation and is happy to try any foods.
http://www.nct.org.uk/sites/default/files/related_documents/Dodds%20Baby-led%20weaning%20is%20associated%20with%20less%20parental%20control%20of%20children%C2%B9s%20eating%20and%20lower%20BMI%20p14-15%20Mar13.pdf
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby-led_weaning
Baby-led weaning - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
en.wikipedia.org
Baby-led weaning (often also referred to as BLW) is a method of adding complementary foods to a baby's diet of formula or breastmilk. A method of food progression, BLW facilitates the development of age appropriate oral motor control while maintain eating as a positive, interactive experience. Baby-...

ttp://www.nhs.uk/news/2012/02February/Pages/spoonfeeding-baby-led-weaning-obesity.aspx

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/02/120209135842.htm
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/02/120209135842.htm

Happy reading!! I find it fascinating and having watched the process first hand am totally convinced it is the right thing to do. However this doesn't help the OP in how to deal with her situation and feel for her as it is hard not to be able to intervene.

We probably all at times think our grandchildren are not being brought up ideally. Comes with the territory.
Your DIL will pick up ideas from other mums and from magazines etc and not the older generation. There are children being fed far worse diets in this country and your challenge is to take that step back and get this into proportion. Your GD is not malnourished or only fed one type of food all day. Children survive all kinds of parenting and diets other than severe malnutrition. I can think of kids that I have seen growing up that were subject to all kinds of parenting quirks and they still emerged as functioning adults. So my advice is to find something else to think about and try to get out of the critical gran mode as it is not a happy or wise place to be.

Good post granny activist, as it reminds us not all our generation had the best diet in the world, but here we are, enjoying life.

I'm with the group who suggest you to avoid unnecessary conflict with your granddaughter/s parents pynkim. Whilst the diet doesn't sound ideal, it isn't dreadful, there is a routine, your little granddaughter is loved and well cared for. Meal times can be stressful for children and parents, and creating a relaxed and positive atmosphere around food is I feel the most important thing for your granddaughter right now.

My views are influenced by childhood experiences, as well as being a mother and grandmother now. Throughout my childhood, my paternal gran visited every Saturday, money was tight, and her bags brimming with goodies were always eagerly awaited by we 3 children. Her preference was to buy us treats, biscuits, chocolate, sweets. I'm sure this was because her own childhood hadn't included such extravagance. Mum was a fanatic on the healthy eating/strong teeth front and made sure we had lots of vegetables and fruit, whilst biscuits were eaten when gran brought them, then no more till the following weekend. Gradually grannie began to include oranges, apples, pears, banana's, even pomegranates, in the bag of goodies. My mum and her mother in law were very different people, and 60 years on, the way in which they managed what could have been a conflicted relationship is still reflected on with humour and affection by the remaining family members.

I was bottle fed and then moved on to bread soaked in milk or an occasional Farley's rusk (I still love them). Then after a few years of mashed veg with a little meat my mother left home and I survived almost exclusively on sugar butties (bread, margarine and sugar) and water for nearly two years. I was seven years old before I was finally given a regular diet of meat and veg - and here I am, sixty years old and not having suffered from any long term harm.
Try not to worry too much about this pinkym, it'll soon be a phase that is past and you'll still be around to enjoy your grandchild.

things could be a lot worse...

www.flickr.com/photos/sa_steve/2848793719

I don't think baby led weaning is a fad in the sense that as bags says it is only giving a name to something that millions of mothers have done in many different cultures since weaning first began. I believe the term was coined by a former midwife and health visitor. She did not claim to have invented anything new. She explained that purees were necessary in the past when the official advice was to wean babies at four months or even less. Now the advice is to introduce solids at six months purees are not necessary because at that age healthy babies can pick up food, chew it, and have a good gag reflex so are unlikely to choke. Of course babies cannot choose what foods they are offered but with this method they can choose whether to eat and how much. Their main nutrition continues to come from milk. It's just another way of doing things.

I have just remembered a neighbour with a son just a little bit younger than mine. Every lunch time he seemed to have the same thing, crackers and cheese.

When I asked her about this she said "Ben doesn't like cooked food" ?what? ]

He is now 24, god knows how he managed to reach that age without "cooked" food!

Nightowl & Nanapug I think 'Baby-led weaning' is a fad - from a nutritional point of view how does it matter how the food is conveyed into the mouth?

The baby can't choose what is put in front of her.

Nanapug as a former paediatric nurse I would genuinely appreciate it if you would point me in the direction of the literature - I'm always willing to learn.

At tea time she's allowed to feed herself because she has bread and butter and cheese and the dreaded baby crisps. It's from a health point of view I worry. My two sons were fed really healthily on home cooked foods as soon as I started to wean them, I just feel that you wouldn't live on convenience foods as an adult, so why feed them to a baby.

Does the little one have any food that she feeds herself with? I would have thought that fruit such as bananas, slices of apple etc shouldn't need to be spoon fed, the same would apply to toast, bread an butter etc

Recent reports have shown that even organic baby/toddler foods are not particularly nutritious. However, as others have said, this is probably a fairly common sort of diet these days. The diet could be better, but it sounds reasonably adequate.

I don't think it's worth antagonising your son or daughter in law by mentioning it. If you get the opportunity to introduce different foods, then do it but otherwise try not to worry too much about it.

There is more to being a good parent than providing ultra-nutritious food. This is something I wish I'd realised when I was a first-time mum, so anxious about getting all the practical things - like home cooked food - right and consequently less time to devote to fun, play and cuddles.

I have been worried annodo as she started to get very hungry. It was becoming a huge problem and her older sister told me she doesn't eat as much because she doesn't want to get fat too. I wonder why intelligent people cause so many problems for their children.

My SIL is otherwise a great dad, when my eldest GD was passed on a sewing machine it was my SIL who helped her make a baby blanket/quilt for a new baby cousin. GD woke him up at 7am on a Sunday morning as she was excited to finish sewing the blanket, he got up and helped her. He is a doting father to both my GDs. I think they are lucky children to have such a good dad and my daughter who has a busy career appreciates him very much. It is a hard task being a MIL.

Faye, exactly the same behaviour on the part of my ex BiL caused my niece to have a serious eating disorder. How very sad if this happens to your GD.