The ultimate in pretentiousness?

This is the bit I like

'Charlie Bigham’s ensures the pies don’t fall into the wrong hands by having each one delivered in a bespoke aluminium case, handcuffed to a professional security guard.'

Numpties!

Yes ofcourse, two just incase one isn't absolutely perfect, ha ha ha ha ha.

Christmas treat? I order them by the dozen and eat them with chips on 'cant be bothered to cook' days. It's either one of them or a Waitrose steak and kidney pudding.

I find the gold leaf sticks to your teeth, though...

I do not notice. It sticks to my solid gold teeth.

No, won't be fresh enough for us!

And all this comes in a cardboard (?) or foil (?) container. How déclassé

That's probably been 'extravagantly sourced' too!

I would buy a few but I bet they have gluten in.

... and Lidl has whole Canadian lobster at £6 a pop.

Not as nice as our English ones though!

Have you proved that in a double blind test Galen ??

Alternatively you could buy an M&S Eat in for £10 jobbie and spend the rest of the evening tearing up £20 notes

No, under those circumstances one would be expected to be snorting from them/paying for the white powder with them

Soutra. I would never eat an M&S £10 'jobbie'

I'll take six
Nowt wrong with an M&S £10 jobbie - especially if you work for them and get the exra 20% off!
Actually it might be worth the £314 if the security guard was good looking enough. How long are you allowed to keep him?

I wouldn't want to eat that in the street. It would be just my luck to be swooped on by a pretentious seagull!

Well, if you were eating it in the street my Granny would have said it served you right, merlot!