Guests for dinner. How much attention do you pay to likes and dislikes?

When we lived in Belgium in the seventies I remember seeing butchers in local towns who sold only horsemeat. It was widely eaten there - probably still is. I seem to remember that horsemeat was sold in certain butchers shops when I was a child. My father used to buy it and cook it for our dogs. As far as I know it never came to our table.

Teetime, so agree with you- those dreaded dinner parties! Never again. We invite good friends for informal suppers or lunches and truly enjoy them.

Horse meat is indeed excellent and tender. And no, you wouldn't know unless you were told. Some of our great friends from my childhood did 'trick' us once when we visited at their old renovated farm in rural France. We had 'Fondue Chinoise' - thin slices of steak you wrap around your fork and cook in stock in the fondue pot. At coffee time he laughed and said 'bet you've never eaten horse before'- and at the time I was so cross that he would tease me that way.

Such wonderful friends and I got over it- but at the time I was upset with him. I know it is daft and emotional- horses suffer no less or no more pain or fear when going to the abattoir- and neither would cats or dogs. I am aware of the hypocrisy- but for me, horses are pets. I feel people should be given the choice as guests.

I would never cook any food that I knew it was possible people might not like - and those are the items people have mentioned, like offal, shell fish etc. I also check with visitors if I am thinking of making a curry or highly spiced dish..

There is a line between expecting people to tell you if they have any dietary restrictions and checking with people before serving a dish containing ingredients that are an acquired taste, which one knows many have not enquired.

I am just thinking to next weekend when DS and family arrive. My meals will take into account DGD's allergies (salmon, sesame, almonds, tomatoes) and the fact that DGS doesn't like mushrooms. Since the family is otherwise omniverous it shouldn't prove too mauch of a problem.

We entertain far less these days as dinner parties used to be associated with work ad we are glad not to do them or be invited to them. If we invite anyone its more informal BBQ or sometimes Sunday lunch and I just ask in advance if there are any food issues. If we go somewhere I wait to be asked if there are any problems but if they don't I try and politely tell them our couple of issues which are not much really DH doesn't eat cream or creamy things and I don't eat mayonnaise (yuk yuk) and anything that tastes or smells of min including those ghastly after dinner chocolates (yukky yukky- nasty smell!!!!)

How would one know it was horse meat on one's plate if one hadn't been told? Genuine question because I don't know what it looks like or tastes like? Is it similar to beef?

We don't have guests for dinner - we have friends round for a meal. I do check what they don't eat though.

I must have told my best friend countless times that DH doesn't eat chicken casserole, but she still served it, and he still shoved it down (he will shove it down for her, but not for me, and I love it, so I don't make it at home), smiled politely and said how nice it was! I told her again recently when we discussing how many foods he had "gone off" recently, I slipped it in! She'll probably still give it to him! I like to find out what people don't care for - fish, and dishes containing blue cheese seem to be no go areas among the people who eat with us on a regular basis. One dear friend no longer with us spent most of every meal I ever gave him pushing the food round his plate and eating very little. He and his wife seemed to buy almost everything they ate from M&S and I obviously couldn't compete!

Any host who serves offal, tripe, shell fish, snails, horse is surely asking for trouble, as so many people don't eat them and it's pretty certain someone will be staring at their plate in horror.

It never fails to amaze me how many Come Dine With Me contestants do this and wonder why they get such a miserable score (and miserable guests!).

Very grateful to you for that- I just can't eat liver or kidneys- the very smell makes me gag. We once went to colleagues for dinner and she served kidneys- and it was so embarrassing - I felt dreadul, but there was NO way I could eat the food. I just had the mash and veg. Now, I have no allergies to kidneys or liver- but just can't eat them at all.

Surely if you are going to serve something which has a very strong taste, or any kind of offal, like tripe, or shell fish, snails, horse, etc- then you should check beforehand and respect guests' wishes. Oherwise, as said, just don't bother inviting them at all. Simple (respect).

Ditto grannyqueenie - asking if there's anything you 'can't eat'.

I always ask is there's anything "you can't eat" and that usually covers veggie, gluten free etc as well as genuine strong dislikes. I don't consider myself a fussy eater and can easily cope with being served something that isn't a favourite. However I'd really struggle to eat liver or kidney and would hate a guest to feel like that when they come to me so I always check beforehand as I'd rather know in advance. It's less stressful that way.

I just say is there anything you don't eat?
I always tell folks inviting us that DH doesn't eat pasta. He doesn't like a lot of cream or Mayo either but he just has to be brave.
I can't even stand the smell of cucumber (since I was pregnant with DD2 38 years ago!) but I never mention it and just push it to the side. I just hope I'm never served cucumber soup-yuk!-but I would do my best.
I grew up with the choice of take it or leave it too.

I'm with Tanith, but I love entertaining and cooking however i do tie myself up in knots.

In my close family alone the list of things that people don't like is massive. Son in law and father in law almost rule out every food between them!

I always ask and respect it, however I feel about it. if you ask people to come to your home, then I feel it is your duty to make them feel comfortable and respect how they feel.

Just don't bother asking them otherwise.

But yes, it is so annoying when people do not tell you in advance- and make the announcement when the meal is on the table- that they can't possibly eat x, y, z ... So I always make a point to ask nowadays.

I suppose I could be called a fussy eater. I will eat most things but I draw the line at creatures with too many legs (more than four so seafood, really) and certain creatures with no legs (garden creatures and, again, seafood.) I don't see it as being fussy or picky. I've tried most of the things I dislike and I definitely dislike them. In the no legs category, I've had snails and mussels. Definitely, no thanks! I do like scallops. Actual fish is fine. In the too many legs category, I've had lobster - don't like it. I've had langoustine, didn't care for it, ditto shrimps and prawns. Octopus is just off-putting to look at and so is squid. I imagine crab to be intensely fishy but maybe that's because of all the smelly dead ones my kids brought home from the beach! I enjoy meat including beef, pork, lamb, venison, chicken, turkey, game birds etc. (but please, no offal although I don't object to liver pate) and all vegetables, salad stuff and fruit. I'm free most nights so let the dinner invitations commence!

It is rarely a question of 'fussy' eaters. DGD is allergic to some foods, the other grandma has a medical condition that means a rstricted diet. Hardly fussy eating when ignoring their needs could end up with them in hospital! Likewise someone who on principle does not eat meat.

Many people living in countries where poverty is endemic still have eating taboos, often for religious reasons. Muslim Africans, will not eat pork in any circumstances, nor will impoversihed Hindus eat beef. One villager in India was killed recently because it was rumoured that he had eaten beef. Those are just the most obvious two.

I had a friend for many tears, she has since died, and she would frequently come to us for weekends. She was sometimes a bit awkward but nothing that a gritting of teeth for a minute didn't solve.
She came one weekend and I went to Stockport to meet her off of the train so I had made a Lasagna that I could just put in the oven. She waited until it was on the table when she announced she no longer ate any red meat. She had cold ham and salad and I know I had to rearrange Sunday lunch but as I knew she liked fish I had got Salmon in for Saturday. That to me was just "ornery". She also once when I went to her for the weekend gave me a Pizza which I do not like ,but ate ,as nothing else was forthcoming and she and her D had a tuna salad as " they had had something cooked at lunchtime". I was and still am very fond of her D and am her Godmother so I kept civil until she died.

i, too, don't cater for fussy eaters!! i don't get hung up and panicked over entertaining. if they don't like what i'm giving them then too bad!! and as i know the likes and dislikes of most of my guests then i know what not to serve.

How things have changed! I can't imagine my mother worrying about guests' likes and dislikes. A meal was provided and they could choose to eat it or not. Having lived in Kenya and Malawi where food was scarce and choice non-existent, I'm afraid I have very little time for fussy eaters. There - got that off my chest...

Tanith I'm so pleased to see that I'm not the only one who panics at the thought of entertaining.
I'm quite envious of those who love feeding people !

I really don't like lamb these days and would rather tell someone rather than have to leave it.

I do have a friend who THINKS she is a wonderful cook. So never sure what we are eating there and it takes a lot of politeness to compliment her. When another friend and I were at college with her years ago we used to be so impressed by her culinary skills. We were put to veg peeling , when we lived with her , while she took the credit. Now in our 60s we secretly think we are better cooks.

If anyone has a real problem with any food, I expect them to tell me. That includes being vegetarian, vegan, having allergies or intolerances or just food they really loathe or on a specific eating plan. I am quite happy to cater for them providing I know in advance

I have happily catered (not all at the same time) for vegetarians,those on low-fat diets, or with allergies, those with medical problems that restrict what they can eat or religious restrictions and some simply with foods they loathe.

Planning meals around these restrictions is not a problem. It is the people who turn up, when the meal has been chosen, cooked and is ready to be served and then tell you about their dietary restrictions.

I don't give it a second thought. If somebody has an allergy or is a vegetarian I either already know about it or expect to be told.