Dinner parties with contentious food

Maizie, I think you strip the meat out but I think I have blanked it. I think there might jelly too.

I've only been invited to a couple of dinner parties and both times, the host added a side note asking if there was anything they needed to be aware of diet wise or strong preferences.

Surely that's good manners?

Rabbit is a delciacy in Malta - but we cook it in wine and garlic, if it's with chips, and tomato sauce if nit's with spaghetti. The plonking of the half-grapefruit is the nadir of bad manners. I would have got up and left (had I not left as soon as the vertebrae thing happened - because they are usually served attached to the ribs).

My only complaints have ever been a) an already plated-up plateful - far too much for me, of couscous and very fatty lamb, so I felt very bad for leaving much of it - especially when the cook was an all too easily offended sister in law.

and b), a close friend of many years who could never remember that I can’t bear cream. She would often prepare 3 different puddings, every one of which was slathered with cream.

I always felt really bad saying no thanks, when she’d evidently gone to a lot of trouble. They always look very nice - I really wish I did like the stuff, but alas it’s a case of ?.

I wouldn't dream of holding a dinner party without ensuring that everything I wanted to serve would be enjoyed by my guests.

As you say Dee "Surely that's good manners".

Rotten host that’s all I can say, can’t eat grapefruit I take statins.

I think it is good manners to ring in advance and ask if there is any food that a guest dislikes or is allergic to and then plan the menu accordingly.
Some years ago the spouse of a friend of my husband telephoned me three days before they were due to come to dinner. Her husband was the cook in their house and a real 'foodie'. She said " I thought I better let you know what foods I don't eat. The list was deeply impressive and included onions, tomatoes, garlic and lots of other things I have forgotten now. I made sure that her tastes were catered for. We were six for dinner and (way over the top) I produced four puddings(some of which I bought, I hasten to say). I overhead the above mentioned guest saying to her husband "I don't like any of those". We only invited them once more after that when they decided to have a full blown row at our table. There were only the four of us so it was very embarrassing. They were excellent hosts at their own house but the friendship drifted and we didn't really see them after that.

Lots of people like black pudding, which is blood pudding, which I would probably eat and enjoy if someone served it up disguised so I couldn't see what it was, cow heel was a delicacy in my part of Yorkshire, as was elder [udder] which is ok, and tripe which urgh, my grandmother loved it, trotters too. The Chinese and others eat chicken feet and given a choice I'd go for a trotter or cow heel at least there is meat on them, chicken feet are probably like crackling.
Roadkill you have to make sure you skin and cook swiftly so not stuff that's been on the side of the road for days, maybe go for something that wasn't there the previous evening, round our way it tends to be pheasant or deer, maybe it's still warm, don't hang it. Never had jugged hare, I'd not want to kill a hare just to eat, but have been given rabbits shot because there were so many of them and if you didn't cull them the foxes would
Yes grapefruit no good for those on various medications, green leafy veg you have to be a bit careful of if you are on blood thinners, it is good if the hostess asks beforehand if there is anything you can't eat for medical, ethical, religious or just can't stand it reasons, and if she doesn't you tell her, and it would be good if she gave you an idea in good time what she was planning just in case there was something surprising that you couldn't have. If she doesn't then for heaven's sake let her know of any restrictions so she can plan accordingly
Really a hostess ought not to serve something she is cooking for the first time at such an occasion, and if it is something unusual ought to mention it before she gets the ingredients.

My mum used to make casserole with a cut of meat called 'skirt', and I hated it!
She maintained it was no different, but I could tell from the first mouthful, and would be told "Don't start!" as I looked at her reproachfully.

I live alone so I enjoy having friends round for a meal, conversation and a bit of fun. If that's a dinner party then so be it. I ask beforehand if there is anything guests won't eat. If there are vegetarians and I am aiming to provide a meat-based dish then I will provide an equivalent alternative.

BUT. I don't believe in 'contentious' food. I believe that the sort of people who are close enough friends to be invited round for a meal are adventurous to try anything unfamiliar. They would know that I would not serve anything whose production involved cruelty – no foie gras for example – or anything that was environmentally unsound. Beyond that, anything goes. I'm adventurous; I don't do safe and comfortable. If my friends and I want safe and comfortable we'll go to the chippy together.

Without being served them unexpectedly when invited to somebody else's house for dinner I'd never have tried ackee and saltfish with fried plantain, or spicy bean stew with mashed yams. I'd be the poorer for that.

Jugged hare is a classic English dish from when there were many more hares than there are now (thanks to industrial agriculture). It's in Mrs Beaton. Serving a portion that was all bones was an error. You should have said something.

I do a lot of catering with both small and large numbers, I always have 4 food groups. Vegan on a separate table,on my large table, vegetarian, pescatarian and meat.
Not any problems as I always send emails either individually to guests or to group organisers.
Quite simple asking for any allergies or specifics.
One dinner here for 40 all set out and a young woman arrived slightly late well 1 hour !!!!!
She announced to all that she was Vegan, we knew, and then refused to eat anything as it was contaminated by the carcasses of poor suffering animals.
Then sat in a corner and drank about 2 bottles of non-vegan wine and had to be 'carried' home.
I was stuck indoors all evening as she refused to go into the garden as the 'bloodied' people were there.
Yes I showed here the email she had sent saying 'she ate anything' ggrrrrrrrrr.

Bizarrely, the grapefruit option is potentially the most controversial. There are quite a lot of medications that shouldn't be mixed with grapefruit!

Baggs

If you got served hare vertebrae, yammy, you were short changed and you host(ess) did not know how to do jugged hare properly. The 'inferior joints' are supposed to be used to make stock and soup.

By the way, meat is always "in its own blood". Who or what else's blood would it be in? Blood is good food too.

We can only be so picky (and 'precious') about food because we have access to an over abundance of choice. When people ate whatever they could get enough of they weren't so fussy.

Agree with you. I wouldn't consider hare, rabbit, liver or kidneys to be edgy. Ive cooked jugged hare once , too much messing to repeat and often cook chinese liver and broccoli , steak and kidney pie etc. I'm fairly adventurous and would try anything once.

MissAdventure

My nan used to make jellied eels.
They would be swimming around in her bath for a while before she chopped their heads off.

My nan also made these herself, but she used to buy them at local market in London and the guy would cut the heads off for her.
I would have to carry them home on the bus sure they were still wriggling.
They are still served in pie n mash shops and lots of people do like them . I don’t ?

Yuck, Yuck, Yuck.

Paperbackwriter

Bizarrely, the grapefruit option is potentially the most controversial. There are quite a lot of medications that shouldn't be mixed with grapefruit!

Yes, it is, you're right.
As well as being quite insulting, if someone doesn't want the unusual and possibly controversial food offered "here's half a grapefruit!"
Very odd.

Liver pâté, chicken liver and pork particularly, are very popular, especially around Christmas, so it must be the texture of the whole liver people dislike so much. It is easy to overcook it, when it goes rock hard, but undercooked liver is also horrible. DF used to be very fond of liver, bacon and onion, and when we were first married, I often cooked Liver au Poivre, a Delia Smith recipe, meant to be like Steak au poivre but with liver, and of course much more economical than steak.
I’d also forgotten brawn, which I believe was made from sheep or maybe pig’s head including the brains, and pressed tongue, both of which were quite a treat for tea with salad when I was a child. Don’t think I’d buy them now. Didn’t brawn disappear with mad cow disease? So maybe made from cows?

It’s really bad manners to serve contentious food. I always make sure whether there’s anything people can’t or would prefer not to eat. I have never eaten jugged hare and if it was served up to me I’m afraid I would have to be rude and just eat the veg (with no sauce!). When I was working we had regular partners’ lunches and a lady came in to do the catering. One day it was rabbit. None of the women would touch it but all the men loved it. She was politely told never again. As a child Mum ate lots of rabbit, sheep’s head, pigs’ trotters, tripe and onions - living in the countryside then (20s/30s) and not having a lot of money, you learned not to be squeamish. Thankfully she didn’t try any of them on me! My husband says he used to enjoy jellied eels but no way would they come into this house! I remember Mum doing stuffed hearts - I was lucky to be allowed liver instead and still enjoy it though that’s the only offal I would eat. Can’t stand the smell of kidneys, much to husbands disappointment, so a steak pie/pud only! The worst thing I remember being served at a friend’s was mackerel cooked with veg in a foil parcel. I like fish but the texture of this was, to me, almost inedible. How I ate it I shall never know. Daft I know but it put me off mackerel for ever.

Re grapefruit; I can’t eat it myself now as on blood thinners, but back in the 70s it was quite the thing for a starter, cut in half, separate out the membranes to be kind to your guests, sprinkle with brown sugar and caramelise under the grill. Topped with half a cocktail cherry!

But not just plonked!

Oxtail is another no no for me - sadly husband loves it but no way will I cook it. I thought it went out with mad cow disease but still seems to be available.

I never realised it was made from an actual oxtail.

I thought it was just the name, until I saw one floating in a sink of salty water ready to be skinned (I presume)

Both jugged hare and liver is delicious I can’t believe any hostess would serve that thinking people would not enjoy it, she was very considerate having an alternative to the liver in my opinion. I thinkOP reacted as she did because the food was different to her usual diet. Who would go to all that trouble to offend guests no way

I remember my first Christmas going out with Mr. S. I was invited by his mum for tea on Boxing day. She proudly bought in tongue that she'd prepared herself.

I couldn't eat it, not even the tiny morsel she tried in vain to tempt me with.

That sounds delicious, have not had liver and bacon casserole since I got married in 1978! I usually flour it and fry quickly, serve with bacon, fried onions and creamy mashed potatoes and thick gravy. I need to make a casserole soon.