EVEN MORE VERSATILE VERSE !

I hope he’s going to be very generous
The sight of his bank balance would sure make me amorous

I’d suggest lots of outings, and be his “plus one”

I’d suggest lots of outings, and be his “plus one”
And go to his room when the day is done.

Just for a late night coffee, of course

Just for a late night coffee, of course
nothing that remotely might lead to remorse

I would need to make sure he didn't have a wife at home

I would need to make sure he didn't have a wife at home
Or children, or pets, or even a garden gnome.

I want him free and single and all mine, no sharing

I want him free and single, and all mine, no sharing
This means a wedding list needs preparing

I’ll let you all know when it’s been arranged

I’ll let you all know when it’s been arranged
Unless by then, I am quite deranged.

Look out for the post, invites on its way

Look out for the post, invites on it’s way
I want it to be stylish, men in long tailcoats of silver grey

I expect all the ladies to be wearing hats

I expect all the ladies to be wearing hats
with everyone happy, no little spats

I don't want any arguments spoiling our day

I don't want any arguments spoiling our day
I want things to go the Royal way.

My cousin is Prince Charles, twice removed

My cousin is Prince Charles, twice removed
Does that mean my prospects are much improved?

Who knows when we delve into ancestry

Who knows when we delve into ancestry
Ann Boleyn sits at the top of my family tree

It’s odd to think I have blue blood in my veins

It’s odd to think I have blue blood in my veins
Does it explain all these weird aches and pains?

Or do the aristocracy have no feelings?

Or do the aristocracy have no feelings?
Is it because they don't eat peelings?

There's nothing like a bowl of peeling stew

There's nothing like a bowl of peeling stew,
I could eat some right now, a big bowl or two.

Followed by yummy vanilla ice cream

Followed by yummy vanilla ice cream
Do have a double helping, I don't want to be mean

The freezer's so stocked I can hardly shut the door

The freezer’s so stocked I can hardly shut the door
I’ll cancel next week’s delivery, we can’t fit in any more.

So it will be steak pie on Monday, and sausages on Tuesday

So it will be steak pie on Monday, and sausages on Tuesday
Wednesday, we’ll cross the channel on a fags & booze day

Need to stock up before another lockdown strikes

Need to stock up before another lockdown strikes
Better hurry up then and get on your bikes

Check your store cupboards to see what you need

Check your store cupboards to see what you need
Mustn’t stockpile this time, no indeed

I must confess I have a shed full of toilet rolls

I must confess I have a shed full of toilet rolls
Some went mad last time like so many clones

This time I'll stock up on wine and gin

This time I'll stock up on wine and gin
But all that bread will have to go in the bin.

Not going to let lockdown rule my life

Not going to let lockdown rule my life
Or be drawn into argument or strife

Better by far be cool and chilled

Better by far be cool and chilled
Ceiling fans will fit the bill

crazy , will you do another line please?

Um, shall I carry on?

Will you do another line please?
I'm begging you nicely on my knees,

To write these verses is great fun